EternalNow

Hi I am relatively new here but I have posted before about this same question. I am at a loss of what to do. Here is a quick background. I am a recovering alcoholic. I got sober in 1989 but have had short episodes of relapse. I have 3 years and 2 months sober "this time". I go to AA have a sponsor have taken all the steps and continue to work them on a daily basis. My sobriety, at least for today is strong and I am generally happy. I am 65 years young and very active mentally/spiritually. My health is generally OK but there are some mobility issues with arthritis of knees hips and back. I have been married to the same woman for 43 years. She stood beside me and supported me when I first got sober and since and is very loyal and loving. I never physically abused her or hurt her other than just checking-out when drunk. I was a quiet solitary drinker. Now, I try to carry the message of grace and healing as directed, to those still suffering both at AA meetings and this webpage as well as church.

But here's the problem. My wife's drinking has progressed over the years. She now puts away a 5th of bourbon in about a week. She drinks every day. Comes to bed smelling like whiskey, etc. There have been episodes of over the top drunkenness, vomiting, crying and so on. She also has taken up medical marijuana as a sleep aid. A doctor prescribed it. But she is smoking it in the day now along with the drinking. There is no real abuse physically or mentally going on in our relationship but she is under the influence of these two drugs from about 12 pm on everyday. The one thing I have noticed is that her anger and mood is very bad until she gets a few drinks in her in the early afternoon, and then she is cracking jokes and playful for awhile. So anger is definitely part of this problem.

So my question is how do I continue to work my program and help others when the closest one to me is using daily. I didn't mention we are both retired and spend everyday together, in our house, just the two of us. We have the normal life outside the home, but you get the picture. Do I ask her to quit drinking/using, do I ignore it and make the best of it, I don't even know how to write a question to you because I am so lost. Any advice?

LexieCat

Would she be willing to talk with a woman from one of your groups? It isn't all that unusual to develop an alcohol problem later in life. I had some red flags when I was young, drank very little during the 15 years or so I was married to a sober alcoholic, and I didn't cross the line to alcoholism till I was in my 40s.

I'd at least talk to her about it. As I'm sure you're aware you can't force change on someone who sees nothing wrong with their drinking, but you can certainly express your concern and see if she's willing to consider getting sober.

I hope you'll protect your own sobriety no matter what. I also suggest you might benefit greatly from Al-Anon. I know quite a few people who are "double winners."

EternalNow

Thank you Lexiecat. Those are good suggestions. I haven't wanted to limit her because of my situation but it seeming more and more like I cannot continue with the status quo

DesertEyes

Hello EternalNow, and pleased to "meet" you.

I second Lexie's suggestions. There is a lot that you can do to encourage an active alcoholic to "see the light", but none of it is the logical things you would expect. As a "double winner" I know that the literature and wisdom of AA does not address these things, but al-anon does. Where I live we actually have meetings specifically for AA members who wish to learn about al-anon.

You don't mention how active you are in the recovery social scene. Over here we have a lot of activities outside of the regular meetings and service commitments. We have lunch get-togethers on the weekends, pot-lucks in the evenings, soft ball, summer barbeques, parties and dances once or twice a year, a big bash on New Years. All of these social events are a good opportunity to bring an active alkie into contact with sober people _without_ creating the resistance to going to a regular meeting.

We have a lot of information and tips in the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. You may wish to browse thru those and see if you find anything useful.

Mike

EternalNow

Thanks mike, I appreciate your advice. I need to be more social no doubt, may be it will help.