jimmyhow

Things are a little better today than I have any right for them to be after getting wasted and subjecting people around me, especially my other half, to my drunken ******** once again. Luckily no one is hurt (at least physically). I have been given another chance which I'm grateful for and probably don't deserve.

Now I'm feeling better (apart from sleep deprived) I can start planning my getaway from alcohol. My first big problem to overcome is overthinking. I think too much and end up driving myself half nuts about things I cant change. Thinking can't solve everything and some things are beyond my control. One of the reasons I drink is to get to that 'I don't care anymore' stage. By which time I don't care about anything and am basically in a dangerous state.

There are a lot of things I need to change about myself if I'm going to succeed in staying sober and being happy. It's not just about alcohol

beautifulpines

Hi - I know exactly what you are talking about regarding 'I don't care anymore stage'. At my end of drinking hours that is what my AV kept whispering. But that voice lies because we do care.

D122y

Jimmy,

Anything you hear from me is pretty much info. Obtained here. The recovery world according to me...

1 hour of sober sleep is worth 12 drunk.

Depending how long you've been boozing you are almost half way over the withdrawals. Then you will think...I can drink again....

That is your damaged brain telling you it needs its booze or it will start to go into anxiety hell.

That stage takes a while...again depends how many times you have tried to quit and started again...it's a viscous, deepening hole...

Hang in there...don't give in...you are healing a bit each day..

Be proud and protective of your sobriety.

least

Once you get thru the w/d, do you have a solid recovery plan?

Congrats on your sober days. Keep adding them up.

jimmyhow

Thanks and I'm working on a plan. I have a few ideas:

1. Don't go hungry
2. Don't ley my mind wander (keep the brain busy)
3. Try and get out everyday and walk for a while (maybe early mornings once my sleep pattern is better.
4. Be more helpful. I dwell on problems I'm having and it makes me seems selfish (I'm usually not) and causes fights.
5. Set bed/wake times.

Obviously avoid booze wherever possible and certain people I know will want me to drink.

ALinNS

Sounds like you are doing good, I like you overthink things and man it's a battle at times so I have a note pad and make a list of things that come to mind and focus on one at a time, some I have to pick away at then go for a walk, play with the dog.

I feel very blessed this evening my GF took me back New Years eve, we have an amazing relationship and she is a tremendous support, her career training has helped me a tremendous amount as she works in mental illness and I suffer from PTSD which is how this roller coaster ride started 35 years ago.

Remember you are among friends who have been there and its a privilege to me to help anyone as it makes me stronger in beating this sickness.

jimmyhow

Thanks I'll bare all that in mind. I really hope you're right about the sober sleep being better, because right now I have pretty bad insomnia. Insomnia, indigestion and a mouth full of ulcers. I suppose I'm run down at the moment, but can't sleep. Some good sleep really would help. I'm just gonna have to get what I can and set my alarm in the mornings, hopefully get into a routine.

I really don't want to drink any more. I'm not sure how to fight the voice when it comes, telling me I can drink again - I'm fine biw all the chaos and illness is still fresh...

I've tried and failed a thousand times and have been reading about kindling and withdrawals.

Dee74

congrats on day 4 Jimmy

D

teatreeoil007

Each and every day spent sober has a positive exponential effect on your brain... Amazing what happens when you remove a depressant!

Asyuk

Congratulations on day four.

Your comment about "not caring anymore" resonates really deeply with me. I too overthink things, get myself so wound up and end up thinking (clearly wrongly) that quitting isn't worth it

Just starting day 2. I'm hoping this time things will be different.

Asyuk

PurpleKnight

Day 4 is fantastic Jimmy!! Keep it going!!

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 4 Jimmy

jimmyhow

Thanks Purpleknight, soberwolf, Asyuk.

BobbyLight

Congrats on day 4! Keep on keepin on!

doggonecarl

Exactly. Great insight.

jimmyhow

Today went surprisingly easily, I've kept myself busy and hopefully built some bridges by helping out at home etc. Seeing as I've been wollowing in self pity I've not been doing much of that.