Yoga

So I'm 2/3rds of the way through this book Should I Stay or Should I Go by Lundy Bancroft and I feel like I'm reading a Fairy Tale.

Will people actually do this stuff?

Will they be willing to change that much if at all?

I guess I don't know what to say or think about it.

LexieCat

Well, it's kind of like a workbook for someone trying to figure out (a) what the problem is in the relationship, (b) what steps MIGHT fix the relationship, and (c) whether it's worth staying in the relationship.

A lot of people probably wouldn't care to do all that work. Of course, lots of people don't want to work on other things, either. Like anything, I suppose, you get out of it what you put into it. If it turns a person off, they don't do it. Maybe they do counseling with a therapist instead. This is sort of a DIY approach.

Pretty simple, I think.

AnvilheadII

i think one could have the same impression upon first reading How It Works in the Big Book - handy list of 12 steps to take and wah lah, problem solved!?? i totally agree with Lexie, we only get OUT of any type of self-help equal in measure to what we are willing to put in, and how long we stick with it.

CodeJob

Hello Yoga,

I read that book years ago and had a hard time as my marriage wasn't well represented in the stories she gave. But I spent a lot of drive time considering her evaluations and definitely fell hard into the stay decision.

I gave the book to a coworker who was struggling in her relationship. She never even read it. So you are way ahead of a lot of people!

LexieCat

Just FYI, Lundy's a "he."

amy55

First, who do you think would be willing to change that much, if at all?

When you use the word "they", in a way, I am assuming that you might be using self help books for the same reason that I did. I kept using them to find out things wrong with me, and how I could do better. That's really not what Lundy Bancroft's books are about.

You are OK the way you are. You have been a member here for a long time, I know that is not reflected by your new name and join date.

I just want to tell you that I knew I had enough back in 1999. I actually told my ex I was leaving then. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't actually leave till 12/31/08.

I am just saying I always used self help books the wrong way.

amy

SparkleKitty

I think the real question is are YOU willing? Will YOU do it?