What to say to old drinking friends?
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What to say to old drinking friends?
Today I did the rest of my Christmas shopping, I stopped by the post office and the bank, then to an old bar I used to go to. In Italy a "bar" is a place that sells alcohol but also a coffee bar, snack bar. So I stopped by for a juice and to say hello. These are people that I invited to my house for dinner a week or so ago and who have regularly invited me for dinner.
The woman asked me how things were going with my legal situation as it is something that has come up. I told her that is was still going on but I was really thinking of letting it all go as I didn't think I could handle the stress. She said that she had noticed my stress and then said something that I didn't know how to respond to. She said "actually the last dinner we had, when you and [your boyfriend] left early everyone was worried about you. We all noticed you were stressed and everyone said ' she didn't drink anything!'" And she said that with a voice indicating that everyone once knew me as a big drinker but at this dinner I had not had any alcohol. This was not due to the fact that I was dealing with my legal issue (that alone) but rather due to the fact that I had made the choice to become sober. At that dinner I did not have the need to explain my non drinking I just didn't drink, but here it came up after the fact.
I wasn't sure what to say. I am still not sure what to say having had someone notice that and point out that other noticed it (super embarrassing by the way). I assume it is the same as what I would say should someone point it out in the moment- I have quit drinking. But I really was caught off guard.
Nothing new here, nothing dramatic. Just posting to post really. Feeling blue for no just reason. Just… just.
The woman asked me how things were going with my legal situation as it is something that has come up. I told her that is was still going on but I was really thinking of letting it all go as I didn't think I could handle the stress. She said that she had noticed my stress and then said something that I didn't know how to respond to. She said "actually the last dinner we had, when you and [your boyfriend] left early everyone was worried about you. We all noticed you were stressed and everyone said ' she didn't drink anything!'" And she said that with a voice indicating that everyone once knew me as a big drinker but at this dinner I had not had any alcohol. This was not due to the fact that I was dealing with my legal issue (that alone) but rather due to the fact that I had made the choice to become sober. At that dinner I did not have the need to explain my non drinking I just didn't drink, but here it came up after the fact.
I wasn't sure what to say. I am still not sure what to say having had someone notice that and point out that other noticed it (super embarrassing by the way). I assume it is the same as what I would say should someone point it out in the moment- I have quit drinking. But I really was caught off guard.
Nothing new here, nothing dramatic. Just posting to post really. Feeling blue for no just reason. Just… just.
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I agree with bimni blue. Sounds like you are feeling uuuuber sensitive because you are going through a tough period. The fact that you got through that particular dinner without drinking is great! Your friends informal remark is not important in the grand scale of things.
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you are so right. What a simple answer. Look at the huge post I made about …. about…….. nothing. It is true. thank you, I needed to hear that.
In the end, i just kind of blew it off, I ordered my juice, and cigarettes- god, I have GOT to atom smoking, it is so gross- and just sort of checked the newspaper and fumbled around. It was ok, not like life changing, but I just felt like such sh*t that she clearly pointed out that EVERYONE NOTICED that I wasn't drinking. Ugh. Par for the course I guess….
In the end, i just kind of blew it off, I ordered my juice, and cigarettes- god, I have GOT to atom smoking, it is so gross- and just sort of checked the newspaper and fumbled around. It was ok, not like life changing, but I just felt like such sh*t that she clearly pointed out that EVERYONE NOTICED that I wasn't drinking. Ugh. Par for the course I guess….
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I think writing these thoughts and sharing them can have therapeutic qualities all by itself.
I find it strange when people have expectations of me, and they can't figure out why I'm not meeting them. They want me to be "like myself" (or drunk). And if i'm not, they want to figure out what is wrong. I'm sure, eventually they will accept me sober. I figure I'm more fun to be around this way. They'll see that soon too.
Best of luck to you. I hope that blue feeling lifts.
I find it strange when people have expectations of me, and they can't figure out why I'm not meeting them. They want me to be "like myself" (or drunk). And if i'm not, they want to figure out what is wrong. I'm sure, eventually they will accept me sober. I figure I'm more fun to be around this way. They'll see that soon too.
Best of luck to you. I hope that blue feeling lifts.
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It doesn't matter that everyone noticed you weren't drinking 
better that than everyone notice you were drinking and talking about you because you did or said something silly.
It does get easier. Soon, not drinking will be normal and no one will say or thing anything In any event what other people say about you or think about you isn't your concern and you have no control over it.
Well done on getting through the dinner
better that than everyone notice you were drinking and talking about you because you did or said something silly.It does get easier. Soon, not drinking will be normal and no one will say or thing anything In any event what other people say about you or think about you isn't your concern and you have no control over it.
Well done on getting through the dinner
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Yeah, it is. I have got to admit I felt a slight twinge of pride thinking that EVERYONE NOTICED that I was sober. Yet it was still a bit awkward as she spoke about it as a matter of concern and took the time to point it out over a month after the fact.
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
Yeah, it is. I have got to admit I felt a slight twinge of pride thinking that EVERYONE NOTICED that I was sober. Yet it was still a bit awkward as she spoke about it as a matter of concern and took the time to point it out over a month after the fact.
MAYBE she noticed you werent drinking because MAYBE she noticed you had a drinking problem and MAYBE she was hoping to hear ya say ya decided to stop drinking.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
I take myself way too seriously sometimes, too. WAAAAY too. It's pretty easy to fall into that trap.:
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
And she said that with a voice indicating that everyone once knew me as a big drinker but at this dinner I had not had any alcohol.
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