whaty

It's been three years since I stopped in. AS (heroin) age 24 did great for two years. He lived on his own, had a good job, paid off a car, and was well in to repairing his relationship with our family. Then a year ago he relapsed, stole, and ended up in jail for six months. During that time I had nothing to do with him but his father visited, supported him and was confident that this was finally "it". He was released in Sept., came to visit me and we had a good few days, but in three short weeks he was back with his "friends" and using again. And stealing. Of course he was caught (I must've raised him halfway right because he is a horrible thief!) and is now in jail again. This will be his first felony because he apparently used someone's credit card or something like that (there are four charges).

He tried calling me a couple nights ago but I refused the charges. He is a good kid when not on drugs...never violent or disrespectful...easy to love. But I know he will lie and steal to feed his addiction and I am just not very hopeful at this point that he will ever recover.

JimC60

whaty,

I understand your dismay that your son is using again, stealing again and now is probably headed for jail, but all may not be lost.

There are a number of people in my Nar-Anon home group that have or had kids in jail - some for possession, most for stealing in one way or another to support their addictions. Several of those parents say that jail is the best thing that has happened to their kids since the drugs got a hold of them. They found their bottom in a jail cell, sought and found their recoveries while incarcerated - the trick of course is holding on to recovery once they came out.

All of them say that while their kids were in jail, they were basically at peace, they knew where their kids were and that they were fed, clothed and housed which was more serenity than they had when they were using and on the streets.

Keep coming back,

Jim

hopeful4

Welcome back whaty.

I am so sorry, I cannot imagine the disappointment you must feel. I am glad you are here, you are not alone.

Ilovemysonjj

Welcome back dear Whaty. You are strong and clear minded, knowing that you cannot control, cure and did not cause this addiction. I know that feeling when they call from jail. does your system have the ability for you to email your son? That is something that is great here in San Diego, you can email them once they are in jail. You can let him know you are not going to take the calls, and suggest he writes you a letter if you so choose to hear from him.
We all understand and are here for you.
TT

whaty

You are truly right, Jim, about being able to relax while they are in jail. This will be his third time, always for stealing, and you would think that would be enough. His dad put $30/wk in his commissary last time but will not do it this time. Maybe one of his "friends" will. Think not. He is four hours away so that's nice, too.

He has only tried to call that one time. Once again he will be the elephant in the room with family this Christmas. Sad stuff.

whaty

Ilovemyson, I remember you and hope your JJ is doing well. No, there is no way to email, which would be nice.

greeteachday

I smiled at that, but I do know what you mean. Unfortunately addiction doesn't care that you are indeed a wonderful mom and that your son is a sweet kid tangled up with a horrible, horrible drug. it's sad that getting caught really does seem to be a good thing, because at least he is safe and you don't have to worry about him out on the street or overdosing.

I hope you can find some peace during this holiday season. Hugs

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Whaty, dear JJ is in recovery at a program that is flexible but requires them to follow rules. He went off a deep end for 10 days after leaving the ranch, but reeled himself in and is working the steps. We shall see. Like everyone else here, he will always be one bad decision away from relapse.
whenever JJ was in jail, I could sleep at night as I knew he was safe and had food and a bed to sleep in. You are doing great. Hang in there
TT

whaty

If we weren't good parents we wouldn't be here, right? When I am feeling down I make lists in my head of everything I did right...lol... I breast fed this child, he was a boy scout and played sports!, I went to all his games, I was a room mother!, we camped and hiked, he played outside more than in, he went to church camp! It just doesn't matter....they are going to do what they're going to do and there is nothing YOU can do about it. I am at peace (for the most part).