I'm new here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 15
I'm new here
Hi,
After making an ass of myself in front of my children, I've decided that I need to give up drinking.
Both of my parents are drinkers, and I've been drinking to get drunk since I was 15. I'm in my late 30ies now, and most of the fun has disappeared.
For the past 4 years I've been getting blind drunk every weekend, cheating on my spouse, and generally acting out of control. I've always justified my behavior because I have a good job, I don't miss work, and I'm there for my kids.
I have a few hang ups that I need to figure out. My parents and I spend most of our quality time together drinking. They are not angry drunks. They are pretty enjoyable to drink with. If I stop drinking, there is a part of me that thinks that they might take it as a judgement against them.
Also, I love dancing. I don't love smashing my head on the ground at the end of the night, but somewhere around drink two or three I'm a pretty good dancer. Problem is that I can not stop at drink two or three, and by the time i'm done I'm a puddle on the floor.
Anyway, I don't want to do it anymore.
After making an ass of myself in front of my children, I've decided that I need to give up drinking.
Both of my parents are drinkers, and I've been drinking to get drunk since I was 15. I'm in my late 30ies now, and most of the fun has disappeared.
For the past 4 years I've been getting blind drunk every weekend, cheating on my spouse, and generally acting out of control. I've always justified my behavior because I have a good job, I don't miss work, and I'm there for my kids.
I have a few hang ups that I need to figure out. My parents and I spend most of our quality time together drinking. They are not angry drunks. They are pretty enjoyable to drink with. If I stop drinking, there is a part of me that thinks that they might take it as a judgement against them.
Also, I love dancing. I don't love smashing my head on the ground at the end of the night, but somewhere around drink two or three I'm a pretty good dancer. Problem is that I can not stop at drink two or three, and by the time i'm done I'm a puddle on the floor.
Anyway, I don't want to do it anymore.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Welcome Gega. Good news is that you don't have to live your life that way. Stop drinking and things will get better, especially your relationships with your kids. Mine did. Stick around. Lots of support here for you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Sounds like youre ready to lead a sober life. This is a great place to learn and succeed, read as much as you can and arm yourself with a plan.
From the things you mentioned at the beginning of your post you have made the intelligent choice to stop. It is going to be very difficult but incredibly rewarding.
Mistake number is worrying about the future (scenario with your parents). You have to take it one day at a time and seversl of your relationships will require an overhaul.
From the things you mentioned at the beginning of your post you have made the intelligent choice to stop. It is going to be very difficult but incredibly rewarding.
Mistake number is worrying about the future (scenario with your parents). You have to take it one day at a time and seversl of your relationships will require an overhaul.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Gega!! 
For me I needed to get past what other people would think, it's all very well and good being sociable, but if alcohol is causing problems in your life, and if like me eventually your health may suffer, then I'm pretty sure your parents would want the best for you, and as for the dancing, moving like Jagger is probably not high on the priority list when assessing the grand scheme of things!!
You can do this, and you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
For me I needed to get past what other people would think, it's all very well and good being sociable, but if alcohol is causing problems in your life, and if like me eventually your health may suffer, then I'm pretty sure your parents would want the best for you, and as for the dancing, moving like Jagger is probably not high on the priority list when assessing the grand scheme of things!!
You can do this, and you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Welcome, glad you're here
Many of us needed to give up drinking for a long time - eventually, some did.
For me when that need turned to a burning desire to quit drinking hope was found. I was sickened by continually seeing my despair in the reflection of my loved ones eyes. My values and beliefs no longer mimicked by actions and behaviors. Acceptance of my problem and willingness to change were the keys.......
Keep coming back and continue to post - your life can be so much better!
Many of us needed to give up drinking for a long time - eventually, some did.
For me when that need turned to a burning desire to quit drinking hope was found. I was sickened by continually seeing my despair in the reflection of my loved ones eyes. My values and beliefs no longer mimicked by actions and behaviors. Acceptance of my problem and willingness to change were the keys.......
Keep coming back and continue to post - your life can be so much better!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 15
Thank you all for the welcoming words. I went to my first AA meeting a few days ago, and cried my eyes out uttering the words, "Hi my name is....."
I see how the system works, though. I think it's important to be able to see other people who have been able to make positive change in their life.
I reached out to my closest drinking buddy. We've been friends for a long time. When I told her that I recognize that I have an addiction, she was pretty dismissive. It hurt.
I called her on it, and she replied that she has had many friends in the past (myself included) who have claimed that they have a problem. When she has tried to be helpful or supportive, she has always been disappointed by their inconsistency. She told me that my addiction is my problem, and she is not interested in getting emotionally involved.
I get it, but it hurts.
I see how the system works, though. I think it's important to be able to see other people who have been able to make positive change in their life.
I reached out to my closest drinking buddy. We've been friends for a long time. When I told her that I recognize that I have an addiction, she was pretty dismissive. It hurt.
I called her on it, and she replied that she has had many friends in the past (myself included) who have claimed that they have a problem. When she has tried to be helpful or supportive, she has always been disappointed by their inconsistency. She told me that my addiction is my problem, and she is not interested in getting emotionally involved.
I get it, but it hurts.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Welcome to SR
"I reached out to my closest drinking buddy. " and that's what she is: a drinking buddy, not a friend.
She probably sees your getting sober as posing a threat to her own drinking and I would strongly suggest that if you are serious about abstinence you stay away from that person who obviously does not care about you.
I know it hurts but the good thing about you changing your lifestyle is that you will be able to weed through who is truly a friend and in your corner and who is just a drinking buddy.
You are making the right decision for yourself and for your children. I hope you will stick around here. You will find a lot of support on SR
"I reached out to my closest drinking buddy. " and that's what she is: a drinking buddy, not a friend.
She probably sees your getting sober as posing a threat to her own drinking and I would strongly suggest that if you are serious about abstinence you stay away from that person who obviously does not care about you.
I know it hurts but the good thing about you changing your lifestyle is that you will be able to weed through who is truly a friend and in your corner and who is just a drinking buddy.
You are making the right decision for yourself and for your children. I hope you will stick around here. You will find a lot of support on SR
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I was hurt by some reactions too - Carlotta may be right in that there's some other factors in play.
In any case, later on I realised this was my problem to fix, not theirs.
Remember there's always help and support here gega
D
In any case, later on I realised this was my problem to fix, not theirs.
Remember there's always help and support here gega
D
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