openmind121

I'm exhausted and I still hold on like a lost soul to the man I once knew .. All these years I haven't learned yet I'm tired I'm drained I want to make him feel this pain one day .. The pain of loosing someone while there alive the pain of watching your family fall apart all this pain that he doesn't feel I want him to feel .. It's horrible drugs ruined him and I'm having such a hard time accepting he is gone his mind body and soul just doesn't care anymore he turned into someone I don't know .. It's horrible I wonder if I will ever be the same again and if I will ever be happy again but know I deserve so much better so do my sons this life is bringing is all down once again .. I can only pray to God and when I thought what does that mean I realise now it's all I have left and I have lost my husband for good and forever .

JOIE12

you cannot change the damage that he has done to his mind, body and life.

But you can see it for what it is and make your own choice to save yourself.

Do you wish to spend one more day feeling like you do now ?

Ann

They say that holding resentments is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It hurts us more than we know. It almost killed me.

Sadly, you cannot change the past, you cannot change him. But you can help yourself to find better days ahead.

What helped me find my balance was meetings, for me it was Al-anon and CoDA. Working a program that helped restore my sanity continues to help me in all my daily challenges.

It hurts to lose a person we love, to drugs and what addiction does. It hurts to lose our dreams.

First we feel the pain, then we surround ourselves with support and begin the healing. Not as easy as it sounds but the time it takes is worth the work,

Hugs

openmind121

I'm trying I go to meetings too .. Just near the holidays here I am again the pain is greater to stay in praying to leave for good this time .

CarmenLove

Hi Openmind121.

You can leave you know, if you want to.

JOIE12

I used to always wait for the perfect day.

It never came.

I usually had to save myself. Now is better than later. Just plan to be safe and have your ducks in a row. You can give yourself permission to make this change as soon as possible.

best to you, let us know how you are doing, hugs, Joie

AnvilheadII

From page 449 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. ~ from dr. paul o.'s story, doctor, alcoholic, addict


-this can easily be adapted to anyone's situaton.

Ann

Amen, sister, something I need to remember more often.

AnvilheadII

there's a good reason why this if my FAVORITE passage out of the BB!!!!

lightseeker

I feel you - and I am sorry that you are going through this. I watched my ex destroy our marriage and I finally ended it almost 5 years ago. I have prayed incessantly to be released from the anguish of the loss of that relationship.

I agree that "acceptance" has been the key for me. Having a recovery program helps tremendously as well.

One of the things that I had to grieve was for the loss of "me". My innocence, my hope, my trust...all lost to the world of addiction. I really missed the person that I used to be and I mourned for her more than anything else.

As time goes by - I realize that I have incorporated what I have gone through and now actually feel pretty neutral towards my ex. I look forward to the day where I simply see him as another person in the world.

Anyway...I wish I had suggestions for you but I just think that it does take time. I've spent the last few years focused on my own healing. Now I don't "miss me" so much as I used to - mainly because I feel like I've regained my equilibrium and have a lot of me back again - just with a lot of seasoning. So I guess that I am just now a more complex and flavorful dish! HA HA.

I don't miss my ex - I miss what I wished could have been. But....I realize that acceptance heals that and it allows me to move on and appreciate what I do have in my life today.

Blessings and thoughts to you....

Owl1370

Thank you lightseeker. I needed your words today. I am grieving the loss of my AXBF. Not the man he is today, but the one I hoped he would be and the people I hoped we would be together.

zoso77

No, you will not be the same again. That's not how life works. When we get kicked in the teeth, the trauma from that changes us. When we lose people that are close to us, whether it by their deaths or by their continuing addiction, that changes us.

And there are some wounds we don't necessarily heal from. Sometimes, wounds simply scab over lightly and can be reopened under the right circumstances.

What we can do in order to move forward with our lives is adapt to a new life and a new way of living it. And that's where you are. This loss is going to sting for a while. But it is what it is, and nothing can change what has happened. So you simply do the right things going forward; self care, spending time with people you care about, and not allowing yourself to get sucked into a situation that can hurt you.

There are worse things than mourning, and that's allowing an addict to undercut us.

Take care of you.