Arrived to Florida
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Arrived to Florida
This is kinda a continuation of my last post.
My ah never came home the night before I flew to Florida. Stayed at the business and got drunk with his 28 yr old friend.
My daughter picked me up at 4:30AM, to take me to the airport. My ah never called me, which I was actually fine with.
I have been here in Florida for almost 2 days, and haven't called him and won't call him. My ah hasn't called me.
I did text him to tell him I arrived safe.
I don't feel I am accountable to him anymore to explain where I am or to contact him. If my ah wants to talk to me, he has my number.
I will text him every couple of days to check on my dogs.
It will be interesting to see if he contacts me on my birthday. My ah did comment this is the first time in 13 yrs we won't be together for your birthday. My answer was oh well.
I am really enjoying my stay with my family, and realizing how much stress I was living with.
I think it took going away, for me to see, it's no way to spend ones precious life, not even a single day.
My ah never came home the night before I flew to Florida. Stayed at the business and got drunk with his 28 yr old friend.
My daughter picked me up at 4:30AM, to take me to the airport. My ah never called me, which I was actually fine with.
I have been here in Florida for almost 2 days, and haven't called him and won't call him. My ah hasn't called me.
I did text him to tell him I arrived safe.
I don't feel I am accountable to him anymore to explain where I am or to contact him. If my ah wants to talk to me, he has my number.
I will text him every couple of days to check on my dogs.
It will be interesting to see if he contacts me on my birthday. My ah did comment this is the first time in 13 yrs we won't be together for your birthday. My answer was oh well.
I am really enjoying my stay with my family, and realizing how much stress I was living with.
I think it took going away, for me to see, it's no way to spend ones precious life, not even a single day.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
I am enjoying Florida. I am with my family. Much less stress, and my headaches are less.
I have stopped texting my ah. He hasn't called or never has texted me, I always text him first, then sometimes he answers.
It makes me angry and sad when my ah ignores me. I've decided if I don't text him, I will enjoy my time here more.
My family is very supportive of my situation, allowing me time to destress, and make choices that are good for me.
My ah behavior doesn't surprise them. They feel he is no longer the man I married. They say the same things, his mind can only think about his next drink. His new wife is the bottle. His reality is very different than what is actually real. My ah needs the 2 guys at the business, to validate he doesn't have a problem. The 28 yr old to drink with, and the other guy to help when my ah can't kept it together. Both of these men need something from my ah.
But me, I'm the one that my ah takes out all his anger and spouts his verbal diarrhea.
I'm not sure if every ah needs to feel there in control, but my ah seems to need to be in control of every situation. He does this by not answering me, not calling me back or not answering my texts. Very hurtful behavior, but his way of co trolling me!!
Again, as I've heard many times, I can't make him quit drinking, and change his sense of what's real!!
The ball is really all in my court. I am in control of my own destiny. My ah is on a downward spiral, and will crash I'm sure tragically.
I just need to come back from my trip, start making my plans to either move(don't think he will), consult again with my lawyer, to protect myself financially. Don't have much.
Just a few questions?? How long can my ah drink as much as he does and keep it together?? He drinks southern comfort. Will his verbal abuse, arrogant attitude, that's he know everything, and always right get worse ?? Will my ah act on his threats he makes to me?? Does that happen?? Why isn't he passing out?? I don't think he blacks out, my ah seems to remember what he says, but it's not always the way it happened. When will he have any physical manifestations of the disease?? My ah never gets sick. His hands do shake, he seems tired all the time and had low energy.
I read all the posts, and it seems that most of the ah have some physical problems.
Just wondering?
I have stopped texting my ah. He hasn't called or never has texted me, I always text him first, then sometimes he answers.
It makes me angry and sad when my ah ignores me. I've decided if I don't text him, I will enjoy my time here more.
My family is very supportive of my situation, allowing me time to destress, and make choices that are good for me.
My ah behavior doesn't surprise them. They feel he is no longer the man I married. They say the same things, his mind can only think about his next drink. His new wife is the bottle. His reality is very different than what is actually real. My ah needs the 2 guys at the business, to validate he doesn't have a problem. The 28 yr old to drink with, and the other guy to help when my ah can't kept it together. Both of these men need something from my ah.
But me, I'm the one that my ah takes out all his anger and spouts his verbal diarrhea.
I'm not sure if every ah needs to feel there in control, but my ah seems to need to be in control of every situation. He does this by not answering me, not calling me back or not answering my texts. Very hurtful behavior, but his way of co trolling me!!
Again, as I've heard many times, I can't make him quit drinking, and change his sense of what's real!!
The ball is really all in my court. I am in control of my own destiny. My ah is on a downward spiral, and will crash I'm sure tragically.
I just need to come back from my trip, start making my plans to either move(don't think he will), consult again with my lawyer, to protect myself financially. Don't have much.
Just a few questions?? How long can my ah drink as much as he does and keep it together?? He drinks southern comfort. Will his verbal abuse, arrogant attitude, that's he know everything, and always right get worse ?? Will my ah act on his threats he makes to me?? Does that happen?? Why isn't he passing out?? I don't think he blacks out, my ah seems to remember what he says, but it's not always the way it happened. When will he have any physical manifestations of the disease?? My ah never gets sick. His hands do shake, he seems tired all the time and had low energy.
I read all the posts, and it seems that most of the ah have some physical problems.
Just wondering?
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
I don't know how old your AH is, but I'll tell you from my experience...
BTW I identify with what you said about your AH needing people to validate that he doesn't have a problem, but maybe in a different way... We had a friend who was a BAD alcoholic. Really bad. AH always used to point to him as an example of a person with a "real" alcohol problem - at least he didn't drink as much as Joe!
Well, Joe is now dead. Died from a freak accident, but drinking was the core cause.
My AH is in his early 40's. Up until a couple of months ago, he seemed to think he was bulletproof - no real health problems despite being a smoker as well. A couple of months ago, he had a seizure out of the clear blue - never had issues with that before. I saw it as a sign that his body was finally showing manifestations of his drinking problem.
Since alcoholism is a progressive disease, I'd bet that those other issues that you mentioned with your AH will progress and worsen as well.
I'm glad that you're getting the space and time to get some perspective.
BTW I identify with what you said about your AH needing people to validate that he doesn't have a problem, but maybe in a different way... We had a friend who was a BAD alcoholic. Really bad. AH always used to point to him as an example of a person with a "real" alcohol problem - at least he didn't drink as much as Joe!
Well, Joe is now dead. Died from a freak accident, but drinking was the core cause.
My AH is in his early 40's. Up until a couple of months ago, he seemed to think he was bulletproof - no real health problems despite being a smoker as well. A couple of months ago, he had a seizure out of the clear blue - never had issues with that before. I saw it as a sign that his body was finally showing manifestations of his drinking problem.
Since alcoholism is a progressive disease, I'd bet that those other issues that you mentioned with your AH will progress and worsen as well.
I'm glad that you're getting the space and time to get some perspective.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by TropicalWinter 
I don't know how old your AH is, but I'll tell you from my experience...
BTW I identify with what you said about your AH needing people to validate that he doesn't have a problem, but maybe in a different way... We had a friend who was a BAD alcoholic. Really bad. AH always used to point to him as an example of a person with a "real" alcohol problem - at least he didn't drink as much as Joe!
Well, Joe is now dead. Died from a freak accident, but drinking was the core cause.
My AH is in his early 40's. Up until a couple of months ago, he seemed to think he was bulletproof - no real health problems despite being a smoker as well. A couple of months ago, he had a seizure out of the clear blue - never had issues with that before. I saw it as a sign that his body was finally showing manifestations of his drinking problem.
Since alcoholism is a progressive disease, I'd bet that those other issues that you mentioned with your AH will progress and worsen as well.
I'm glad that you're getting the space and time to get some perspective.
BTW I identify with what you said about your AH needing people to validate that he doesn't have a problem, but maybe in a different way... We had a friend who was a BAD alcoholic. Really bad. AH always used to point to him as an example of a person with a "real" alcohol problem - at least he didn't drink as much as Joe!
Well, Joe is now dead. Died from a freak accident, but drinking was the core cause.
My AH is in his early 40's. Up until a couple of months ago, he seemed to think he was bulletproof - no real health problems despite being a smoker as well. A couple of months ago, he had a seizure out of the clear blue - never had issues with that before. I saw it as a sign that his body was finally showing manifestations of his drinking problem.
Since alcoholism is a progressive disease, I'd bet that those other issues that you mentioned with your AH will progress and worsen as well.
I'm glad that you're getting the space and time to get some perspective.
My ah is almost 57. I think, he drinks a lot!!! Hides it so don't really know.
My ah has pushed away all the people that care about him, and question his drinking. He seems so protective over his bottle.
The people he values most are the ones that seem to need something from him, and that will accept his drinking, or drink with him, and don't challenge him.
Me on the other hand, right now seems to be the enemy.
I don't talk to him anymore about anything important, or even question his drinking because I know he is, and won't win the conversation.
My ah has now consistently over the past few weeks spend at least 2 nights sleeping at the business because he was drinking too much. My ah spend the night before I flew at the business so I didn't see him before my trip.
Does this sound like his drinking is getting worse ??? Still wondering how long can his body take this. My ah was taken to jail, and 10 hrs after he arrived he still blew 0.39. That's really bad. Is he always drunk??? So many questions? I only want the best for him, but he has destroyed our life together.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Zircon, some people have very strong constitutions and can drink heavily for a long time before their health collapses. At 57 he's definitely in the danger zone.
My comment would be that as far as you're concerned the damage he's doing is to your relationship and business, and you psychologically. His physical health isn't the issue right now, for you. What if he goes on drinking at this rate for a year, or 5 years, or 10? What if he collapses tomorrow?
Try to make your own plans regardless of how alcohol affects him. BTW, why are you so interested in when/if he has a physical breakdown? Is it because you think it will be easier to control him, or stop his drinking? Not judging in any way, but it might give you some insight into your own thinking.
My comment would be that as far as you're concerned the damage he's doing is to your relationship and business, and you psychologically. His physical health isn't the issue right now, for you. What if he goes on drinking at this rate for a year, or 5 years, or 10? What if he collapses tomorrow?
Try to make your own plans regardless of how alcohol affects him. BTW, why are you so interested in when/if he has a physical breakdown? Is it because you think it will be easier to control him, or stop his drinking? Not judging in any way, but it might give you some insight into your own thinking.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
[QUOTE=Zircon;5674842]
Just a few questions?? How long can my ah drink as much as he does and keep it together?? He drinks southern comfort. Will his verbal abuse, arrogant attitude, that's he know everything, and always right get worse ?? Will my ah act on his threats he makes to me?? Does that happen?? Why isn't he passing out?? I don't think he blacks out, my ah seems to remember what he says, but it's not always the way it happened. When will he have any physical manifestations of the disease?? My ah never gets sick. His hands do shake, he seems tired all the time and had low energy.
I read all the posts, and it seems that most of the ah have some physical problems.
/QUOTE]
i havent read everything about AH,but what i read here has me thinking,
" all this and he has it together?? i musta did it wrong because when i resembled this i was a whacko nut job basket case!"
physical manifestations have already started. shaking hands. and then theres what cant be seen.
glad your enjoying fla.
Just a few questions?? How long can my ah drink as much as he does and keep it together?? He drinks southern comfort. Will his verbal abuse, arrogant attitude, that's he know everything, and always right get worse ?? Will my ah act on his threats he makes to me?? Does that happen?? Why isn't he passing out?? I don't think he blacks out, my ah seems to remember what he says, but it's not always the way it happened. When will he have any physical manifestations of the disease?? My ah never gets sick. His hands do shake, he seems tired all the time and had low energy.
I read all the posts, and it seems that most of the ah have some physical problems.
/QUOTE]
i havent read everything about AH,but what i read here has me thinking,
" all this and he has it together?? i musta did it wrong because when i resembled this i was a whacko nut job basket case!"
physical manifestations have already started. shaking hands. and then theres what cant be seen.
glad your enjoying fla.
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