slowclimb

Tomorrow will be two weeks since I dropped AH off at the airport to enter rehab (the 3rd time in 15 months). He spent the first 6 days in detox and is now in a recovery center. His tentative return date is December 22nd.

I have been going to meetings 1-2 times a week but probably need to do 2-3 honestly. Even though I don't post often I read here on SR at least twice a day. Working hard on reigning in my rampant running brain and focusing on today's priorities. Christmas has me very anxious but that's something I'll start tackling this coming week. I opted to get through Thanksgiving first. I'm also trying to not get anxious yet about his return. It's three weeks away so why worry now?

There are things about being alone and not having an active A in the house that are so nice. I am more motivated when I don't have to watch AH spend most of his free time on the couch watching TV. I am not walking around on eggshells and shushing the kids because daddy is hungover and grouchy. My bed is so neat and smells good - not like day old vodka with twisted blankets falling on the floor.

I'm lonely - I was lonely before but did get snippits of close time with him at least to talk and hangout. I couldn't count on him for much of anything though. He has been calling once a day. Most of what I am sharing with him is stuff about the kids. No deep conversations between us - which I think is appropriate considering - time for that when we get closer to his coming home and he has more recovery time under his belt - same for me.

In addition to juggling all the practical issues (ie kids, house, etc) I need to take some time to think about what I want from this life and what I do not want. I've spent the past 5-6 years just getting through and that's not enough. I've managed to lose myself in that timeframe as well.

So that's about all...just wanted to share a little and for me (like a lot I think) it helps to just put thoughts out in writing sometimes.

Thanks...hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving and wishing you a peaceful pleasant day today!

Liveitwell

Snow-sounds like you're doing what you need to do to keep the focus on yourself and asking the big questions-is this what you want from life, marriage and family ? You know it's affected you-surely the kids as well. Please keep posting-writing it out does help!
Have a great day!

SeriousKarma

Thanks for posting Slow. It sounds like you've been through this before, and know the ropes.

Their being away is a great time (often the only time) when we can really concentrate on our own recovery needs. If you feel that you need to be attending more meetings throughout the week then, by all means, make that a priority. His time away is going to be fairly brief, and you want to use the time wisely by doing everything in your power for you.

Other than the meetings you go to (Alanon?), what other support do you have there? Family? Friends? A therapist?

slowclimb

Thanks FOG - and yes as we all know his drinking has affected me and the kids as well. Actually am struggling a little with 12yo DD - daddy's girl....who is angry, won't talk about it and hormonal on top of it all.

SK - Yes Alanon and yes not my first 'rodeo' - I'm not currently seeing a therapist and I admit I haven't reached out to family and friends. Actually I have done the opposite - I have only shared with two friends and my mom. I posted about avoiding people - most of whom are couple friends based on AH's friendship with the husband. And quite a few are rather disgusted with him as of late. Also with me as I've been avoiding them for months now. I don't need to hear their anger or deal with their feelings when my own and my kids' needs to be the focus.

I know that keeping secrets isn't good or healthy. I have to work on that as well...probably should start with sharing again at meetings. I needed to go to a few and just listen. Today I will share