GCousino

Like most newbies to the site....I wish I had found you sooner. You have made me but feel not as stupid as I thought I was for letting my addict (pain killers/pot) husband ruin my marriage. I had already been to an attorney to file for divorce before I found the site. You have given me the eye opening I needed that I have been manipulated and played by an expert. No more. I need to serve divorce papers to him. I need advice. I want to be there so he knows its for him and no more threats. I want to use him getting sober as the bait to get him out and keep my money so he can't blow it on drugs. I can't serve him myself and as most ashamed spouses of addicts, not many know his issues. So I want to use that as a way to get him out and not have to pay him big money. However I'm worried how to serve him and what to expect. He hasn't been violent but I think he will be so blown out of the water not expecting it at all . Any advice from family or the recovering?. Do the up coming holidays and work issues make delaying better? Or do I do it and not care about other things? My birthday is NewYears, and I promised myself last year not another year of this. Thanks and look forward to your continued help ❤

SarahBear

would getting an attorney help?

dandylion

There is a website ......Woman'sdivorce.com.....that covers a lot of territory and breaks it down by state, also. That might give you a good picture of what to expect......

Maybe you just didn't explain it very well...but, I don't get the part of using getting sober as "bait"......

dandylion

GCousino

I want him to see that this is the last straw for him to get sober... Without me. So I'm hoping I can get him to agree to a settlement that won't take long and dragging out all the addiction in court. I guess I just want to serve him papers and not make things worse. I'm hoping he won't want anyone to know about the drugs so I can get out easier.

Ann

I am not sure if you can legally serve him yourself, but my thoughts are that this would be dangerous.

If you think this is the message that will change him, you may be disappointed, or you may get promises he has no intention of keeping.

Getting legal advice on this would be the wise and safe thing to do.

Hugs

JOIE12

You can have him served by law enforcement. Call your local station and they can refer you to the group that would process the serve. The cost is minimal and ensures that there aren't any challenges by your AH.

Planning is wise but only in the fact that you need to be safe. Secure your finances and property. Remain non confrontational. Even. Neutral. No emotion.

You can talk to someone thru you local police who specializes in Domestic Violence. They have a lot of experience about what to expect before you execute your plan.

Using any of this to get him to change will leave you disappointed and allow him to continue his hold on you. You cannot manipulate an addict. I know that when I was finished ... it was just over. No thoughts of reconciling, wishful thinking or vengeful dreams. The man you knew may not be inside there anymore. Please save yourself. Your future will thank you a thousand times over. Best to you, Hugs, Joie