Help I need advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Cleveland, ohio
Posts: 4
Help I need advice
I started dating a guy this summer, fell in love with him but found out he had a drug addiction with crack cocaine, and shortly after that he told me he was back seeing his ex girlfriend. I was just out done. Then he tells me he decided to go to rehab and he was tired of living like he is. And asked could I visit him. His girlfriend is paying for his things to go to storage and whatever else he needs. I asked him why would you want to women visiting you while your fighting a drug addiction. You have someone supporting you so allow her to continue. He tells me he loves me and he still will put me on the list but he will understand if I do not show up. I do worry about him sometimes. What should I do ? Should I visit him or let him be ? If anyone can please help me with this situation that would be a relief.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi and welcome kjackso3 
I rarely give relationship advice but...the words other girlfriend really should make you want to run away very fast in the opposite direction.
You sound like a nice person. I think you deserve someone whose love is 100% not 50%...or less.
Don't let yourself be used.
D
I rarely give relationship advice but...the words other girlfriend really should make you want to run away very fast in the opposite direction.
You sound like a nice person. I think you deserve someone whose love is 100% not 50%...or less.
Don't let yourself be used.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by kjackso3 
I started dating a guy this summer, fell in love with him but found out he had a drug addiction with crack cocaine, and shortly after that he told me he was back seeing his ex girlfriend. I was just out done. Then he tells me he decided to go to rehab and he was tired of living like he is. And asked could I visit him. His girlfriend is paying for his things to go to storage and whatever else he needs. I asked him why would you want to women visiting you while your fighting a drug addiction. You have someone supporting you so allow her to continue. He tells me he loves me and he still will put me on the list but he will understand if I do not show up. I do worry about him sometimes. What should I do ? Should I visit him or let him be ? If anyone can please help me with this situation that would be a relief.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
If you had a daughter, whom you loved more than the world (and felt she deserved 'the world') What would you tell her?
I have serious self esteem issues. How that came to be is a long story
But my lack of self love is a big part of my addiction and a big part of my codependency. Sometimes I feel l have several voices in my head. One is pretty vocal, insecure, childlike. Unfortunately that's the one that often runs the show. Then I have a critical parent like voice, that tells me I can't do it, I'll fail, I'm not good enough. Then I have this quiet voice, the one that makes me ask the kinds of questions you're asking, the one that knows what is best. The child doesn't like to listen to that voice because that means the child may not get what she wants in that moment. But that quiet voice is the authentic me, the adult. The more I listen to her, the stronger she gets. Follow your best instincts, follow the inner you that protects YOU.
I have serious self esteem issues. How that came to be is a long story
But my lack of self love is a big part of my addiction and a big part of my codependency. Sometimes I feel l have several voices in my head. One is pretty vocal, insecure, childlike. Unfortunately that's the one that often runs the show. Then I have a critical parent like voice, that tells me I can't do it, I'll fail, I'm not good enough. Then I have this quiet voice, the one that makes me ask the kinds of questions you're asking, the one that knows what is best. The child doesn't like to listen to that voice because that means the child may not get what she wants in that moment. But that quiet voice is the authentic me, the adult. The more I listen to her, the stronger she gets. Follow your best instincts, follow the inner you that protects YOU.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi, K-
Sorry for what brings you here to SR, but I have to agree with the others above. dogonecarl's comment sums up my exact feeling after reading your post.
Best of luck- there's someone out there that will accept you for you, and without the baggage this current guy is carrying.
Sorry for what brings you here to SR, but I have to agree with the others above. dogonecarl's comment sums up my exact feeling after reading your post.
Best of luck- there's someone out there that will accept you for you, and without the baggage this current guy is carrying.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Kjackso.
I hope you can find what you are looking for. I don't think this guy falls into that category by a long shot.
Like the others have said, you deserve better so run away as quickly as you can. He's not going to make this decision for you.
Re-review Carl's Three-Strike Assessment again. I think that's dead on.
I hope you can find what you are looking for. I don't think this guy falls into that category by a long shot.
Like the others have said, you deserve better so run away as quickly as you can. He's not going to make this decision for you.
Re-review Carl's Three-Strike Assessment again. I think that's dead on.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Cleveland, ohio
Posts: 4
You guys are the greatest, I can say I feel much better, my problem is feeling sorry for him because he is fighting and addiction. I am going to let his girlfriend worry about him and I am going to live my life. All of you have a good day and stay blessed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Cleveland, ohio
Posts: 4
Everything you are saying sounds just like me. That little voice was already telling me this was not right. I already new the situation was unhealthy but for some reason I needed to hear it from other people to be sure it was right. Thanks again for replying.
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