And the news is out
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
And the news is out
I had an unexpected encounter with my AH today. We have parent teacher conferences later tonight. I told him I am filing for divorce.
He did not completely lose his sh*t, but there was a lot of "calm" rehashing of my many flaws and faults, presumably to make me feel bad for divorcing him since this is all my fault anyway.
Quack quack quack.
I still got pretty emotional, though. I finally had to just leave so I could calm myself down before I picked up our DS from child care. Now I have about two and a half hours before we go to conferences. Lord, give me strength.
He did not completely lose his sh*t, but there was a lot of "calm" rehashing of my many flaws and faults, presumably to make me feel bad for divorcing him since this is all my fault anyway.
Quack quack quack.
I still got pretty emotional, though. I finally had to just leave so I could calm myself down before I picked up our DS from child care. Now I have about two and a half hours before we go to conferences. Lord, give me strength.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Wisconsin......just keep repeating to yourself that "I will choose to remain calm".
Don't forget to picture him with an "Q" on his forehead.....for "quacking".
Hopefully, he will behave in front of other people.
You have come this far....you will be fine.
dandylion
Don't forget to picture him with an "Q" on his forehead.....for "quacking".
Hopefully, he will behave in front of other people.
You have come this far....you will be fine.
dandylion
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Thanks, Dandy. You know I love you!
He has, with very few exceptions, always behaved in front of other people.
It would not surprise me if acceptance of this mirrors his acceptance of when I moved out. A bunch of obnoxious passive aggressive comments during the month that he knew I was leaving, followed abject shock when I actually left, followed by a weeklong bender, followed by a week or two of accepting that it was done. I expect this will not be real to him until he is served with the papers. I'm just staying my course, and choosing to remain calm.
He has, with very few exceptions, always behaved in front of other people.
It would not surprise me if acceptance of this mirrors his acceptance of when I moved out. A bunch of obnoxious passive aggressive comments during the month that he knew I was leaving, followed abject shock when I actually left, followed by a weeklong bender, followed by a week or two of accepting that it was done. I expect this will not be real to him until he is served with the papers. I'm just staying my course, and choosing to remain calm.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Wisconsin.....I suspect you are right. You know him better than anyone else.
When someone has taken you for granted for so lo ng....it is hard for them to believe any changed or new behavior.
surprise....surprise....surprise.....
dandylion
When someone has taken you for granted for so lo ng....it is hard for them to believe any changed or new behavior.
surprise....surprise....surprise.....
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Sending you strength tonight. Maybe read that awesome list of how great your life is without him before you go! That'll help keep you calm, and HAPPY (happiness - you know, the thing he's damning you to hell for wanting!)
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
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I know I have said it here before, but one of the very first things I learned in recovery was that the phrase "I know him better than I know myself" is NOT to be worn like a badge of honor. But yes, I still know him very well, despite his periodic insistent that particularly with respect to his drinking, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hope the conference goes smoothly and you don't encounter any over-the-top unpleasantness. Be prepared for him to take credit for anything that's going right with your son and to be blamed (maybe in a subtle, passive-aggressive way) for anything that's a problem. Or even if everything is totally GREAT with your kiddo, to have him express thankfulness that the separation isn't distressing for him--YET--but who knows what will happen now that you are divorcing him. Just don't swallow any bait.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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Wisconsin, I don't have anything to add to the great posts you've already received here. I just want to wish you well, and congratulate you on going ahead w/the next step. You've been struggling w/guilt, w/"the right time", and now it's said and out and for real.
Hugs, and good for you!
Hugs, and good for you!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Conferences are DONE. DS5 is doing great, just some minor behavioral issues (which frankly, shocks me, since his behavioral issues at home were pretty serious around the time I left.) STBXAH just acted like nothing had happened. Fine by me at this point. I'm wiped out!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Whew--congrats, mom! You know, maybe the improved behavior from your son is a reflection of a less-stressed-out mom. It's always hard to say--kids sometimes do their own thing without any visible reason. Either way, a relief.
And glad Mr. In-Denial didn't cause any difficulties.
And glad Mr. In-Denial didn't cause any difficulties.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
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Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Whew--congrats, mom! You know, maybe the improved behavior from your son is a reflection of a less-stressed-out mom. It's always hard to say--kids sometimes do their own thing without any visible reason. Either way, a relief.
And glad Mr. In-Denial didn't cause any difficulties.
And glad Mr. In-Denial didn't cause any difficulties.
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