THippy

It's game day again. A morning game which means drinking all day.
So I made plans to be gone. Took my kids and a friend of theirs out to run a couple of errands and lunch and a movie.
I told AH that I didn't want to be around for the game but I was nice about it and friendly.
I got home in the late afternoon and just cleaned up a bit and read for awhile. Mostly just kept to myself. But not in a sulky or angry way as had become my custom in the past.
I feel like I'm acting right now. Acting like I don't notice when he gets another drink (that's a hard habit to break! Even if I'm not watching for it it, I notice it), acting like none of it bothers me and I'm content to just go about my business, acting. I'm looking forward to the day that it doesn't feel like acting. That I'm not sad that he won't choose to spend the day having fun with us instead.
Baby steps. Right?

I'm still reading the two Codependant No More books.
Thanks for letting me put it out there/here.

redatlanta

Fake it till you make it does work! Sometimes we gotta force ourselves to do things. The action is there, the feeling is not. The feeling of being detached will follow.

AnvilheadII

Act as if.....practice practice practice....

“We do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.” - Richard Rohr

slowclimb

Wow sounds like my day as well. Tried to keep out of the way and let him find his way off to bed. And he was so upset with himself - has been almost every night. It's just sad.

But like you I did my own thing and was polite and calm as I had no expectations of him. I also didn't want to let him ruin my mood - the faking thing actually does work. It's is tiring though I think as we're learning it.

Ambuler

Act like you already have what you want. Why let him steal your joy? I am an alcoholic, and I can say the best thing my codependent husband has done for me is act completely ambivalent to me when I am drinking, and positively to me when I'm not. Not in a manipulative way, just like a "Oh, your drinking, again. Hmm...anyway..." It places all of the responsibility on me when I'm drinking, and reinforces the good of me abstaining when I'm not.

FeelingGreat

You'll probably never be indifferent to his drinking, but you didn't let it rule what you did this time. Keep it up, it's a good habit to get into.