CurlyGirl1978

Day 1 and I feel great! I'll try to eat regularly now and gain back the 7 pounds I really couldn't afford to lose through that binge. Water, where have you been this last week? Oh no! I missed a new hire work meeting but managed to reschedule it for today. Whew! It'll take the hubby (my enabler) just a couple days to discover that I'm trying a new path (again) and then it'll start. He'll supply liquor and leave it out while I'm home alone and for sure he'll plan a party soon (although while I was binging this year, we didn't have one stinkin party). He hates when I drink but he feels a void when I don't need him for booze. I'll try not to tell him for a few days or a week but then I end up feeling so vibrant and lively that the truth comes out anyway. Maybe I'll go underground for a year and come back ready to tell him. LOL just a thought.....

leviathan

Rough situation...

You guys need a serious sit-down. Otherwise, something will give.

Reset

2+ months in and I still haven't discussed it with my wife.

Ruby2

Good luck but it's worrisome that your husband will buy liquor to tempt you. Does he drink and not want to quit?

You'll most likely need support to quit. I'd recommend hanging out here a lot if you don't have support in real life.

CurlyGirl1978

He is a social drinker, in fact I've only seen him drunk twice in ten years. He doesn't binge. He's a 1 beer a week guy. I think he feels if I get good and sober for a while I may feel too good for my britches, who knows, but that's how I feel.

CurlyGirl1978

I will be strong though, at least I'll try.

Anna

It sounds like your husband has insecurities. Don't let that prevent you from being sober and the best you that you can be.

teatreeoil007

This. So true...

Sounds like hubby needs a come to Jesus talk...

Hugs. Keep going in the right direction...

teatreeoil007

hmmm. Sounds like insecurity. Maybe there are things you can do to reassure him you will be you and he won't lose you just because you have changed into a sober person...

I seems like a lot of men get insecure when wifey does some self improvement...some men don't even like their women to update their hairstyles and get makeovers....sometimes when wife loses a bunch of weight or gets in shape it is also met with a mixed reaction...or when wife gets a new outfit that is very flattering...or when wife is successful in her profession....I think most of it is indeed FEAR that she won't need him anymore...hope you can work it out....

CurlyGirl1978

Woah, I almost told him because he sees a glow on my face and a different attitude and wanted to know what's up with me. I said "Well I've decided to..uh...never mind."

Frank14

Please find a good family therapist who specializes in addictions. This situation makes me sad, and you deserve someone who's going to cheer you on and encourage your fight for sobriety. Now my sadness is turning to anger for you...

Berrybean

I suppose if he leaves it round the house expecting it to be drunk, there'll be no harm in you tipping it down the sink

Debbie329

He's right you don't needs him to lead you down the path of self destruction......it's either you or him. I'd talk to him at least to be fair after that I'd get rid of him.

Soberwolf

Congrats making a day 1 CG

adelina123

I don't mean to speak out of term here but your post made me quite angry..... how dare he!!! It seems to me that he is threatened by you being sober after all looks like he will have less control.
It's his issue not yours. As your husband he should want what's best for your health and well being.
You need to tell him straight and if he can't support you ... walk!!!

Berrybean

I dunno - getting angry about something we can't control (other people) is generally more destructive to our sobriety than what they were doing in the first place. Generally it's easier to accept that people don't always do what we want or need them to, and focus on ourselves. I spent a lot of time feeling angry and let-down by certain friends and my partner in the beginning. But it was me that drank. And it needed to be me that stayed sober. It's the nature of society that there will be temptations and triggers - and successful recovery work is about focussing on the solution, not the problem. If he's buying alcohol for YOU to drink, then it's yours to do with as you like. I bet coming up to Christmas there will be lots of local charities having raffles and the like that you could donate those unopened bottles to - and if it's hard to do it, at least you'll have the fun of telling him where the bottles have gone, and get to share his 'enjoyment' of having such a good-willed and charitable, sober wife.
And if he doesn't like this, and thinks you're wasting his cash by giving it away, then he can move onto his next sabotage attempt until he realises that you are in fact serious about this sobriety malarky.

I would say though, that if you're not getting any face to face support locally, it might be worth considering this, so that you have somewhere to go, and people to talk to if the temptations he puts in your path starts to wear you down.
You don't sound like you want to let him 'win' this game of his though - you're onto him. Just try to keep your sense of humour about it. Resentment and self-pity are more likely to make you drink than someone putting a bottle near you.

D122y

It might not be that deep...maybe he just loves you so much....maybe he just wants you to be happy and thinks you love the booze...

Tell him you are taking a break from being a drunk...you want to get clean...

Maybe he will start buying fresh fruits and veggies instead...

CurlyGirl1978

I do go through resentment and then I realize it is ultimately me who drinks. I did beg him on one of my last 2 or 3 attempts to quit for him to hide the booze and he'd get angry and say "No, I'm not gonna baby you!Have some willpower!" smh I was basically putting my post out as a vent but also to anyone who might be going through that kind of sabotage. I get on my soapbox about this being a disease but he refutes it. I no longer talk about alcoholism to him, because it just makes me angry. I remember him cutting a side eye a couple years ago when I boasted to a friend about being 72 days sober and he cringes when he hears my sobriety songs. I told him about a new job once and he said, "I hope you don't get it." Wow...LOL This is in no way asking for relationship advice because I know what to do, I just have some things to get together first. It's all too clear to me. Each time I left I'd immediately stop drinking for the month or two I was gone, then once I fall for the "Baby please" I'm back at home and within two weeks back, I'm drinking. I have a plan though. Get my license back by December, a car by January, and my own place by February.

Debbie329

Well they say we gotta change people places and things. I've done a lot of that in the past year.....although I still struggle w drinking, I definetly drink a lot less. If I was living my old life I wouldn't be nearly as far along or serious about. I am serious about it so I've removed as many chronic stressors as possible. My life is much more peaceful because of it.

adelina123

Good on you. I wasn't meaning to be rude before by the way. I hope you get things sorted whatever you need to do. Just put yourself first xx