Allheartin

Hi everyone, I'm dating an amazing and talented man for almost 1 year and 6 months. I have tried to express my concern about his excessive drinking. But it turns into an argument and his defense comes up and anger comes out. So I am aware I'm not informed enough to help. Currently he drinks 7 days a week and has no interest in our relationship and complains I'm to needy. There is no conversation without arguing. I know there are things from his past with his parents divorcing when he was in high school (45 currently). His past relationships loved the drinking and bars etc. I am ready for my children to meet him......I though I was. Can someone help me with steps or am I just crazy. I am divorced with 3 children, I though I was ready to bring us together but I'm not sure.
Help....

Time2Rise

Welcome allheart. Unfortunately, you won't be able to help him unless he wants help. And he first needs to accept he has a problem before he will accept help. It doesn't sound like he's ready to do that.

You may want to check out the Friends and Family subforum here at Sober Recovery. The regulars there are very experienced with this type of issue.

Dee74

Hi Allheartin - welcome

you have every right in the world to slow things down or even stop them all together.

The worst case scenario is this guy never changes.

If the kind of life this guy is leading is not what you want then maybe this guy is not the right guy for you?

D

Berrybean

If you decide to stick with this relationship, it needs to be with the acceptance that he might not change (well - WON'T change unless he wants to).
If you have young children I suppose you need to ask if they deserve to be in a situation where they watch you (and learn how to be) in a relationship where one person is not emotionally available, and where the other person tolerates this. (Remembering that children do tend to copy behaviours that they've seen.)

If you DO stay in this relationship, it'd def be worth your while seeking support from your local Al-Anon group.

Soberwolf

Welcome AllHeartIn

sugarbear1

"has no interest in our relationship and complains I'm to needy"

What does he add to your life?

Welcome to SR!

FeelingGreat

Good instincts to draw back all heart in. He's not ready to change, so think about what the future looks like.

entropy1964

Currently he drinks 7 days a week and has no interest in our relationship and complains I'm to needy.

Hi there
I'm sorry you're facing this. But the above comment is a huge red flag and I would proceed with enormous caution. And definitely hold on the intro to the kids...IMO. Its tough, and being single and alone is tough, but until YOU and your relationship with him are primary to him, I'd step back and protect yourself. As has been suggested, check out the Friends and Family Forum here. Hang in there.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Allheartin!!

These sentences don't add up:

You gotta put yourself first in all of this, and ask what is there for you in all of this? and it doesn't sound like too much from the way your post reads, someone who drinks every day and takes no interest in what you're trying to create, it doesn't sound like your both on the same page!!

SoberLeigh

Currently he drinks 7 days a week and has no interest in our relationship and complains I'm to needy. There is no conversation without arguing.


I agree with the others that this a huge red flag. It is wise that you are questioning bringing your children into this relationship.

As others have said, your boyfriend must unconditionally decide that he absolutely wants sobriety - and first and foremost for himself.

Glad that you found SR, Allheartin.