Dimndaruf

My husband earns a very good living working for the city and only by the grace of god he still has a job (14 years) but he’s been involved in music for quite some time.

When I met him I knew he drank but it progressed when we had our first child. I always supported his music and EVERYTHING that came with it…the studios, the clubs, the crazy schedule, me sacrificing my time so he could work, do overtime and tend to whatever her needed to to further his music career. It was last year that I realized that this side gig was not conducive to sobriety. He’s been to inpatient twice and is currently 45 days sober. He’s insistent that he’s been going to his every day AA meetings and speaking with his sponsor regularly and the sponsor doesn’t seem to have a problem with him in this environment. What are your thoughts on this sort of lifestyle for an alcoholic/recovering/recovered alcoholic?

happybeingme

Mick Jager is a recovered alcoholic and so are a ton others. Alcoholics are going to drink or they are not. Doesn't matter where they are or what they are doing. I quit drinking with beer in my fridge and gin in the cabinet.

LexieCat

Alcohol is everywhere. I know musicians who have recovered just fine despite the "gigs" in places where it's served. It does mean an extra degree of vigilance, especially in the beginning, and for some people it might be wise to step away from it for a while, but it's by no means impossible to get sober and stay that way while pursuing interests in musical performances. Music is a passion for musicians. They may have to make some adjustments but they shouldn't have to give it up.

GhostFace

I think he is very courageous to stay sober in an environment were alcohol is probably being consumed majority of the time. If he is very serious about sobriety there shouldn't be a problem

NYCDoglvr

Music doesn't cause alcoholism and whether he drinks or not is out of your control. I recommend Alanon where we learn to focus on our own issues. It was a lifesaver for me.

Dee74

Hi Dimndaruf

It's news to me that Mick Jagger is a recovering alcoholic...but there are many other examples too - Eric Clapton, Alice Cooper, Joe Walsh and a host of younger names I'm too unhip to know

I'm a musician - I lost my career through alcohol but 8 years on, I'm gaining it back now - sober and loving it

If your husband is not really sure he wants to stop drinking then the music industry is probably not the best career to follow...

but if your husband wants to be sober then nothing will stop him, not even being around alcohol and partiers in the music industry

happybeingme

Thought I spelled it wrong. My bad.

ladyscribbler

I read a Rolling Stone interview with Macklemore, and the first few paragraphs was him attending an AA meeting on one of his tour stops.
Sounds like you've devoted a lot of time to being a caretaker for others. Hopefully you're taking time for yourself as well. It's great that he's doing daily AA meetings. Have you checked into Alanon at all?

FireSprite

I can only share based on my experience with RAH. He actively played in working bands for a decade+ before getting sober. It is absolutely possible to continue music & stay sober BUT he has run into challenges that definitely make it more difficult.

Some former bandmates took his sobriety personally & are at an obvious loss as to how to interact with him now. Especially if they're buzzed up. Many sober musicians that he knows/has met struggle too much with the bar scene to pursue projects & just get together randomly to blow off steam, which is not what he was looking for.

What helped was finding a musician's specific AA meeting - it has been a GODSEND for both of us, lol. He's been attending for many months but it's the only meeting he has ever attended without fail. That has made an enormous difference in his recovery from my POV; he's got dedicated time set aside for his meeting instead of working it in like a crisis & he's meeting a network of people that he relates to.

We DO know many sober, working musicians. Some of them from the same circle of bands got sober together so they have sober buddies with them right there at every gig. These guys are all in bands that were working full-time in music before sobriety & wanted to maintain it after because it IS their income stream. Not surprisingly, non-sober members sometimes ended up leaving over these differences of opinion just like you'd expect in any corporate restructuring, lol.

That said -there are reasons & opportunities to drink all over the place, every day. If he decides to drink, he'll do it regardless. I think it's just common sense for anyone to minimize their exposure to triggering situations, but it's up to him to decide if it falls into that category & do something about it.

ETA - I forgot his biggest struggle with all of this - he has less & less patience for being around drinkers/drunks the longer he stays sober. His tolerance is low & dropping at this point.

Solushun

I didn't know about mick Jager but Elton John just spoke recently at my local AA speaker mtg.. And he has over 20 yrs. I know I've heard a speaker tape by Stevie Ray Vaughn on you tube, and my friend has seen Robert Downey jr at AA before when he lived in LA. Although slippery places can be dangerous, it's in our motives of why we are there. And as alcoholics we can be in any career and still be one. Bill w was on Wall Street and dr bob was a doctor. We can be jobless or a stay at home mom or a mechanic or an accountant. There are no safe places for us. If we want the liquor we will get it. The thing we need to change is our attitudes, our thinking, our perspectives... Not the other thing out there. When we change ourselves and do the work we are less easily persuaded by our environment.

bigsombrero

Not me. I threw out all alcohol from my house, even gave away my wine glasses and took my beer signs off the wall. I stayed away from bars. As an alcoholic who was taking on the biggest challenge of my life, why would I go to places that specialize in getting its clients drunk?

Staying away from bars, clubs, and nightlife in general gave me a better chance at getting sober. Keeping the odds in my favor and staying out of harm's way was the best decision for me.

I can't speak for your husband, but I'm guessing he's less likely to drink if he stays away from bars, clubs, and nightlife. Because that's not his future. Sober mornings filled with sunshine and coffee at the breakfast table might be a healthier long-term goal. Much better than a continued life revolving around late nights surrounded by alcohol and dark walls. How's that treated him so far? What's he got to risk by changing the game?

redatlanta

If Ozzy Osbourne can get sober.....well.....that about says it all.

The Coolest Musicians that Don?t Drink or Get High Anymore ? Sober Nation

GnikNus

I can speak to this. Alcohol is pervasive in the music world and is almost expected at every level of the industry. Many artists rely on it to get on stage, or for inspiration in the studio. Clubs, bars. Alcohol and music are inseparable in many musician's minds. They were in mine for many years.
I don't have anything to offer in the way of solutions or suggestions- just experience with that world. Care and caution would be necessary for someone trying to navigate that world sober.

FireSprite

While I agree with all points here, I do think there's a tremendous difference between the Ozzy Osbourne's of the world & the average working band. It's kind of apples to oranges between bar gigs & big stadium concert tours that take teams of people to organize & manage.

I still think sobriety depends on a personal commitment & can't rely on your external environment, but those with tremendous wealth & privilege can use those things to their advantage in these situations, IMO at least. I know *I* would.

Dee74

I'm not sure here whether you're saying it's easier or harder for the big name musicians?

I was and am no big name musician - I still gained some strength reading about the success big name sober musicians have had

I only have experience of the local scene, but - with determination and a rigorous recovery plan - it is possible to be a sober gigging musician...cos...I am one
no argument there

D

teatreeoil007

I had several years in the music scene as a performing musician and at jams, etc. I've known lots of musicians who didn't drink or use drugs. Known some that did...for some of us music is a therapeutic deal and means of coping with life and stress and everything else.

But I will say that for me there is a big difference between just making music for fun and the pressure of performing for the money. The pressure to perform for many is a trigger. But there can also be a lot of reward besides the money in performing so that dealing with the pressure makes it worthwhile. Some have a hard time with performance anxiety and feel they need to drink before they perform. Some folks feel they perform better after drinking. I wouldn't know as I never drank before performing. And then there is the temptation to drink after performing....

My troubles with insomnia started when traveling to perform at out of town gigs and sleeping in different places. And then, my insomnia led to other unhealthy things...

CarryThatWeight

This post just made me cringe. What happened to anonymity? As in, "anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions..." These celebrities may have outed themselves, but that doesn't mean we have to reveal which famous person spoke at our speaker meeting last week. I think they deserve to be treated with the same respect that we treat other, non famous members of AA.

DoubleBarrel

I'm gonna be contrary to what a lot of people here have posted.
We all know FAMOUS musicians who have gotten and stayed sober.
Is your alcoholic on the level of Eminem, or motley crüe? Probably not.

The music industry is grimy as ****. And the difference is that at a certain level of fame you can REALLY control your environment. Bouncers, security, riders, private backstage, private tour bus, are all VERY different than the low level musician.

I have been in the music industry and I am here to tell you that there might be no harder place to get and stay sober. At 45 days, it's downright foolish.

cynical one

What if you take the use of alcohol out of it?

Then it comes down to a city job where he has tenure, a decent salary, and most likely benefits and retirement vs. sporadic salary, no benefits and no retirement.

Feed the family, or feed the passion?

teatreeoil007

I tend to agree with you! Even though there may be musicians/performers who do not have an addiction problem, I think the "industry" is rife with factors that can set a person up to cave into temptations and/or seek ways of coping...I got just enough taste of this in a genre of music that is known to be "family and gospel oriented": bluegrass. And I noticed that even in the bluegrass genre which is pretty low-keyed and simple compared to some other genres there was plenty of drinking going on and who knows what other kinds of drugs. There was sometimes a 'beer garden' set up at the genre and at times part of the 'refreshments' provided in the performers' tent included beer.

Like, I said, for me the whole insomnia issue...trying to get to sleep in a strange environment was hard because I had a hard time winding down after performing or jamming late into the night. At bluegrass festivals there is a lot of pressure to stay up late into the wee hours of the morning jamming, get little sleep and then go at it all again the next day. Talk about a set up to make some unhealthy decisions.