Nelly1

How do we get through our struggles each day? I know what I am going through and I know that each person reading this is going through the same thing. Last night I found out my addict lost his job. Naturally it's everyone's fault but his own. Everyone's fault but his addictions. I woke up just crying..... I couldn't even resist. The second I opened my eyes the tears poured out of me. I hate this feeling of being alone and having no one to rely on. He swears he's going to rehab Monday. Next Monday of course (has to get his last kicks in)! The troubling thing is he didn't even seem phased by anything or the fact that I was crying and so upset, pleading with him to get himself together and tell me everything would be okay! Instead he's angry with me, I pry too much, I say too much, I have to learn how to be quiet and give him his space.... Always my fault. I wish I had the answers, I wish I could help him and furthermore I wish I could help myself. I am sitting at work as I write this fighting back the urge to cry and run out of here in search for someone who understands my struggles. Please send me some strength.

zoso77

For me, it was simply a decision I was going to get through my struggles.

My AXGF kicked me in the nuts on her way out the door. So I gave myself a day to sulk, and then the next day, I woke up after a sound sleep and decided that was it. I wasn't going to allow a sick person to drag me down into the muck with her.

After a while, it became something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you decide you're going to get through something, it will happen. But the deal you have to cut with yourself, Nelly, is you'll have to accept that some days are going to suck. It's inevitable that you will have bad days. You won't want to get out of bed, or shower, or eat. You have to fight through it.

As far as your addict goes, ask yourself a question: where does it say you have to put up with this nonsense?

AnvilheadII

we get it. we know what it is like to try and make sense of the senseless, to find any logic or rationale when all that exists is crazy.

addiction is a cold hard crazy b!tch and the best way to stay sane is to get away from the fallout of active addiction...job losses, money missing, days missing, outright lies, covert ops. the addict in active addiction is DESTINED to bring pain because of the prime directive of addiction.....the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more drugs. you could shorten that to MORE.

nothing else matters.

it's not personal, but it sure as hell feels like it. you could replace yourself with 30 other partners and they would all get the same treatment....UNLESS they used WITH him, didn't nag about when he used, where he went, how much money he spent.

you get to decide exactly how much longer you are putting your life on hold waiting for him to get his sh!t together. how many more tears you cry on HIS behalf. how long you rate a distant second....if that.

overit263

I constantly reminded myself that I was a whole person before my addict, and that I would be a whole person again without my addict. Like the others said, you make the decision that you will not let this defeat you. Sure you cry on your kitchen floor or in the shower in the beginning...but eventually you get there! Eventually even some of the worst things can become comical when you come out the other side. You wonder things like "did I really fall for that b.s." etc. You can do it - we all have and you will too. Be strong, take care of yourself and get on here as much as you need and want to. It's a huge help here and arms you with the knowledge and logic of knowing what you need to do for yourself.