Liveitwell

So most of y'all know I'm an ACOA-and my father was/is a raging alcoholic-so naturally as the first born and being a girl I grew up being a perfectionist and having abandonment issues...among other things... One being a fear of what others thought of me. Sad to have to admit that....but that single thing drove so many of my decisions-that fear held me back from so much and also caused me to make some life altering decisions bc I was afraid of what others would think of me. Yikes-to say I've been working on some things over the last few years is an understatement!!! With the armor of God on and His grace, I'm no longer afraid...and I'm freaking fun again. Seriously fun. I had no idea how much joy I had lost-my exs slow decline into alcoholism/demons and resulting behaviors sucked almost every ounce of joy out of my life.
Soooooooooo, during our little outing to a fall festival and corn maze last weekend there was a piglet race....yes, you read that right....and after the race one of the workers at the establishment got up and asked for four volunteers from the audience....there were a few hundred people and without thinking I shot my hand in the air-and he stared right at me-and called me up front. Ah!!! On the way up there I kept thinking about ways I could get out of it-questioning myself-what on earth did I get myself into?! So without knowing what I had volunteered for I walked up and it was revealed we had volunteered to be part of American Idol-pig style. Um, huh?! Yep-we had to squeal like pigs and basically make an ass of ourselves in front of all these people and then they voted . You know what? I had a freaking blast!!! Made a complete ass out of myself and laughed harder than I have in a long time. I had fun...and wasn't afraid. I know this sounds small-but this is huge for me-it's a 180 from who I was. *****-I'm actually really fun-who knew?!

Thanks for listening. Have a blessed night!

Mango blast

I understand. Congratulations!!
It sounds like a blast!

This summer I've gone on a zip-line into a pond, I've floated down the river, I've laughed fully and easily at little moments, I've cried without physical exhaustion of it, I've spoken in large groups, I'm learning how to be a part of life and fully live. I couldn't have imagined this a year ago. Yet sometimes I lose sight of how far I've come, and in this sharing of yourself, I'm reminded how I can choose to bring this to my life again today.

I'm cheering for you! You're inspiring me to keep looking at saying "yes" to life.

Liveitwell

Thank you!! True-sometimes you don't realize how far you've come. Losing my joy living with alcoholism, abd my resulting crazy, and just not living bc then husband lost interest in doing anything-literally-if it didn't involve drinking....pulling myself out and living life again has been single handedly the most remarkable thing I've ever been through. I'm sober, living a full life and fun....I've never been this happy and free. It's such a nice change.

Thank you for your words, KTF-you inspire me as well!

Liveitwell

These things make me look back and think about , after I got sober abd started recovery from codependency, etc, I started living again three years ago....I slowly came back to life. And so wanted to share that with my husband. I set up zip lining as a date, set up kayaking as a date, etc, etc , etc....I was SO sick and tired of sitting at home every night while my then husbabd drank and got drunk by himself. I tried so hard but even setting up these fun dates, he truly didn't wabt to be there-it was palpable-he just wanted to be at home drinking. Anyway, thankful for this adventure-and living again....without him, by his choice. Life.is.good.

Pia

Forourgirls- I can tell through your words how happy you are good for you. I knew when you said ya'll you were from Texas, so am I .... lol.
Keep up the great work many more happy days to come.

FireSprite

Brilliant! Love, love love this post FOG. It's not a small deal AT ALL when we get back to living a joy filled life. What a fun, happy way for your kids to see you embrace something new and quirky.

dandylion

Forourgirls.....do you realize how many adults....not just those exposed to alcoholism....but, just adults in general, have had the ability to experience joy and to have the natural emotions that come to a child, easily, pounded out of them...?

I think of childhood as being in a very large house like structure---with a multitude of open doors---a gazillion possibilities for their p otential and development.....and, then, one by one, the environment and society slam doors shut....left and right.
But, we do have the ability to go back and open those doors if the desire and motivation is strong enough....
And, it sounds like yours is......... Yea, for you!

dandylion

dandylion

Forourgirls......one more thought......I remember, as child, whenever I would see my significant adults show happiness or fun or playfulness......it was like a warm blanket of security kind of feeling. All was right with the world if they were happy.....
Now, I realize how critically important it is for children to have happy caretakers.....how much it models, for them, how to feel and how to live....and, what to expect from the world.....
It seems to sow the seeds for the ability for them to be happy in this world when they are out in the larger world....

So...keep it up, Forour girls.....!!!

dandylion

hopeful4

I love this so much! I love seeing the healing come through when you past all the BS are realize who you really are, a fun loving, wonderful person!

XXX