Good gracious!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Good gracious!
Hello all,
Back to try this again. I think I've hit my figurative "Rock Bottom". I have been drunk (or recovering) for three days now. I am not wasted, just drinking enough to feel normal from overdoing it last night. I did this same thing last weekend. There was a special occasion on Saturday night so that was my "excuse". It took until Wednesday to feel human again and I swore I wouldn't drink again. That lasted until Friday night. I think I'm doing this wrong. I'm trying to "recover" in secret just like I drink in secret. No one knows I've been binging. I did tell my husband I'm quitting for a month "for a cleanse", but I need it to be permanent. The thing is, I don't like drinking anymore. I cannot fathom why I continue to do something that brings me zero fulfillment. This has clearly been a problem since my teenage years, but up until a few years ago everything could be "excused" as regular partying. Not anymore. I can no longer say "but I'm only 20 something", I'm too young to quit forever" I have passed the 30 mark. I make deadlines, elaborate plans, vows, and it all just falls through the cracks. I WISH I had done something years ago when it first became apparent that it was a problem. But I didn't. Now, I'm done being ashamed, this is who I am and something I have to deal with. Tomorrow is going to be rough. I know cause I just did this LAST WEEK!! Hopefully this will be the last time. I've looked up AA meetings in the area (and will be attending), and have a therapy hotline number stored in my phone (and will be calling). Not sure what I'm looking for from posting... Just need someone like-minded to talk to I guess. Thanks for listening, I really have no one else to talk to about this, though I'm close to screaming it from the rooftops!
Back to try this again. I think I've hit my figurative "Rock Bottom". I have been drunk (or recovering) for three days now. I am not wasted, just drinking enough to feel normal from overdoing it last night. I did this same thing last weekend. There was a special occasion on Saturday night so that was my "excuse". It took until Wednesday to feel human again and I swore I wouldn't drink again. That lasted until Friday night. I think I'm doing this wrong. I'm trying to "recover" in secret just like I drink in secret. No one knows I've been binging. I did tell my husband I'm quitting for a month "for a cleanse", but I need it to be permanent. The thing is, I don't like drinking anymore. I cannot fathom why I continue to do something that brings me zero fulfillment. This has clearly been a problem since my teenage years, but up until a few years ago everything could be "excused" as regular partying. Not anymore. I can no longer say "but I'm only 20 something", I'm too young to quit forever" I have passed the 30 mark. I make deadlines, elaborate plans, vows, and it all just falls through the cracks. I WISH I had done something years ago when it first became apparent that it was a problem. But I didn't. Now, I'm done being ashamed, this is who I am and something I have to deal with. Tomorrow is going to be rough. I know cause I just did this LAST WEEK!! Hopefully this will be the last time. I've looked up AA meetings in the area (and will be attending), and have a therapy hotline number stored in my phone (and will be calling). Not sure what I'm looking for from posting... Just need someone like-minded to talk to I guess. Thanks for listening, I really have no one else to talk to about this, though I'm close to screaming it from the rooftops!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I hope you can make this time be your time PinotNOmore 
Do follow that AA idea through - and feel free to ask for any other suggestions about a good recovery plan, and changes you could make
Welcome back
D
Do follow that AA idea through - and feel free to ask for any other suggestions about a good recovery plan, and changes you could make
Welcome back
D
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
It's good to hear from you again, PinotNOmore.
My wife and I did ninety AA meetings in ninety days when we quit drinking three years ago. It worked because we worked at it! I hope you find good meetings and a sponsor soon.
My wife and I did ninety AA meetings in ninety days when we quit drinking three years ago. It worked because we worked at it! I hope you find good meetings and a sponsor soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Coldfusion 
It's good to hear from you again, PinotNOmore.
My wife and I did ninety AA meetings in ninety days when we quit drinking three years ago. It worked because we worked at it! I hope you find good meetings and a sponsor soon.
My wife and I did ninety AA meetings in ninety days when we quit drinking three years ago. It worked because we worked at it! I hope you find good meetings and a sponsor soon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
NOmore,
You can totally do this! You'll feel better, look better, and even be a better mom sober. Aa helped me a lot. Meetings were hard for me, I'm a bit introverted and I felt a bit awkward and sucked it up.
Whether you do aa or another program, one big factor in success is WILLINGNESS. Willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober, to take drinking off the table, even if it means telling some people close to you. Willingness to face your fears. You can do it.
For me, the aa steps were the most magical, scary, liberating pain in the ass. The magic started to happen after step 5, and my obsession to drink went away. Yeah I had to finish the things, and yeah I have to take a little time to live them, but it's super worth it.
Whatever method you choose, if you go all in and live it, you can learn freedom and gain a new you. You deserve a happy life!
You can totally do this! You'll feel better, look better, and even be a better mom sober. Aa helped me a lot. Meetings were hard for me, I'm a bit introverted and I felt a bit awkward and sucked it up.
Whether you do aa or another program, one big factor in success is WILLINGNESS. Willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober, to take drinking off the table, even if it means telling some people close to you. Willingness to face your fears. You can do it.
For me, the aa steps were the most magical, scary, liberating pain in the ass. The magic started to happen after step 5, and my obsession to drink went away. Yeah I had to finish the things, and yeah I have to take a little time to live them, but it's super worth it.
Whatever method you choose, if you go all in and live it, you can learn freedom and gain a new you. You deserve a happy life!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
Thanks Scott! Thinking I'll stick around a little longer this time... ;-)
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome back, PNM!
Oh, Lordy, how I wish I would have quit forever when I was 20-something.
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
I can no longer say "but I'm only 20 something", I'm too young to quit forever"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
I'm so glad you're back. You're one of the ones I always wonder/worry about when you're gone.
I understand everything you wrote as that was me 14 months ago. Drinking & "recovery" were always a secret for me. The thought of quitting forever was just not an option. "I just need to abstain for a bit & then I'll be better & able to drink normally again for the rest of my life." Sound familiar? The only piece of the puzzle I couldn't make fit was the abstention. I could do 12 hours to 1 day most times. An entire weekend was a miracle from God. My whole "life" (as it were) revolved around my drinking schedule. It was a miserable existence.
Thankfully I hit the stage where each drink just about made me gag. I hated drinking & moreover I hated myself. I was ready to admit defeat & give recovery an honest shot. Once I made the decision to bring everything into the light I never looked back.
You're worthy of this, Pinot, & so is your family!! We're here every step of the way but you gotta do the work. Have you checked out the Oct. class or the 24 Hour thread? I know both would be thrilled to have you.
Take good care & stick around. We need you as much as you need us.
Hugs & love!
I understand everything you wrote as that was me 14 months ago. Drinking & "recovery" were always a secret for me. The thought of quitting forever was just not an option. "I just need to abstain for a bit & then I'll be better & able to drink normally again for the rest of my life." Sound familiar? The only piece of the puzzle I couldn't make fit was the abstention. I could do 12 hours to 1 day most times. An entire weekend was a miracle from God. My whole "life" (as it were) revolved around my drinking schedule. It was a miserable existence.
Thankfully I hit the stage where each drink just about made me gag. I hated drinking & moreover I hated myself. I was ready to admit defeat & give recovery an honest shot. Once I made the decision to bring everything into the light I never looked back.
You're worthy of this, Pinot, & so is your family!! We're here every step of the way but you gotta do the work. Have you checked out the Oct. class or the 24 Hour thread? I know both would be thrilled to have you.
Take good care & stick around. We need you as much as you need us.
Hugs & love!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by HeartsAfire
I'm so glad you're back. You're one of the ones I always wonder/worry about when you're gone.
I understand everything you wrote as that was me 14 months ago. Drinking & "recovery" were always a secret for me. The thought of quitting forever was just not an option. "I just need to abstain for a bit & then I'll be better & able to drink normally again for the rest of my life." Sound familiar? The only piece of the puzzle I couldn't make fit was the abstention. I could do 12 hours to 1 day most times. An entire weekend was a miracle from God. My whole "life" (as it were) revolved around my drinking schedule. It was a miserable existence.
Thankfully I hit the stage where each drink just about made me gag. I hated drinking & moreover I hated myself. I was ready to admit defeat & give recovery an honest shot. Once I made the decision to bring everything into the light I never looked back.
You're worthy of this, Pinot, & so is your family!! We're here every step of the way but you gotta do the work. Have you checked out the Oct. class or the 24 Hour thread? I know both would be thrilled to have you.
Take good care & stick around. We need you as much as you need us.
Hugs & love!
I understand everything you wrote as that was me 14 months ago. Drinking & "recovery" were always a secret for me. The thought of quitting forever was just not an option. "I just need to abstain for a bit & then I'll be better & able to drink normally again for the rest of my life." Sound familiar? The only piece of the puzzle I couldn't make fit was the abstention. I could do 12 hours to 1 day most times. An entire weekend was a miracle from God. My whole "life" (as it were) revolved around my drinking schedule. It was a miserable existence.
Thankfully I hit the stage where each drink just about made me gag. I hated drinking & moreover I hated myself. I was ready to admit defeat & give recovery an honest shot. Once I made the decision to bring everything into the light I never looked back.
You're worthy of this, Pinot, & so is your family!! We're here every step of the way but you gotta do the work. Have you checked out the Oct. class or the 24 Hour thread? I know both would be thrilled to have you.
Take good care & stick around. We need you as much as you need us.
Hugs & love!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by PinotNOmore
I hope to God I never have to feel like this again!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome back Pinot. Stick closer to SR this time. I found it really helped me early on that I could come here 24/7. Lean on us when you feel weak or your AV starts chiming in.
Glad you haven't given up on this battle. You have the power to re-define your life without alcohol.
One day at a time.
Glad you haven't given up on this battle. You have the power to re-define your life without alcohol.
One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
one of the best aa speakers i heard was a woman 42 years old and had just celebrated 28 years sober.
when ya get to meetings, be careful if there a bunch of old farts there and ya feel out of place. many of them old farts were young farts when they got sober.
theres meetings that allow youngens to be brought along.
meetings are great, but the root for recovery is the program as outlined in the big book. iffen ya google "big book online" you can read it online until you get a copy for yourself.
you dont have to feel like this again.
working the program and practicing the prinicples of it in my everyday life have given me a life free of gloom,dispair, and agony.
when ya get to meetings, be careful if there a bunch of old farts there and ya feel out of place. many of them old farts were young farts when they got sober.
theres meetings that allow youngens to be brought along.
meetings are great, but the root for recovery is the program as outlined in the big book. iffen ya google "big book online" you can read it online until you get a copy for yourself.
you dont have to feel like this again.
working the program and practicing the prinicples of it in my everyday life have given me a life free of gloom,dispair, and agony.
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