69 Days and feeling antsy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
69 Days and feeling antsy
I haven't been around the forum lately and maybe that's part of the problem. I feel like I've been doing so well but also know that it's when I feel like I've got this that I can get in trouble.
Taking away alcohol has made it glaringly clear that I have nothing in common with my husband except alcohol. Things aren't bad, we just really don't connect on any level whatsoever, and I've found it impossible to be intimate with him sober. This is not a good thing and on some level I knew this would happen and it's part of what kept me in that insane cycle for so long. I feel so conflicted. I can't lose my marriage. I don't want to drink. I don't know how to make both of those things work at the same time.
Taking away alcohol has made it glaringly clear that I have nothing in common with my husband except alcohol. Things aren't bad, we just really don't connect on any level whatsoever, and I've found it impossible to be intimate with him sober. This is not a good thing and on some level I knew this would happen and it's part of what kept me in that insane cycle for so long. I feel so conflicted. I can't lose my marriage. I don't want to drink. I don't know how to make both of those things work at the same time.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Hi Elliasson :-) You *are* doing really well....69 days is great!
Gosh, that relationship stuff sounds pretty hard - not connecting on any level whatsoever. Do you think it's possible that could change? Perhaps with some counselling or something? It may sound like an odd question but why do you feel like you can't lose your marriage? (if you're not comfortable answering that just ignore me). Drinking wouldn't save the relationship as such, more just cover up how you really feel about it. I've been in your position. It's awful and the thought of breaking up can be so daunting.
Gosh, that relationship stuff sounds pretty hard - not connecting on any level whatsoever. Do you think it's possible that could change? Perhaps with some counselling or something? It may sound like an odd question but why do you feel like you can't lose your marriage? (if you're not comfortable answering that just ignore me). Drinking wouldn't save the relationship as such, more just cover up how you really feel about it. I've been in your position. It's awful and the thought of breaking up can be so daunting.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Eliasson-You can learn to navigate the relationship without drinking. It may take some time, but you can do it and look into counseling. Please remember how hard the journey has been to get where you are right now and don't pick up. You're doing awesome. 
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Eliasson 
69 days is so awesome - congratulations
as for your realtionship - my advice is to not make any sudden moves just now - find out who sober you is first - I was a million different people my first 90 days.
This process is hard on both the ex-drinker and their spouses.
It's ok to think on things a little I think?
D
69 days is so awesome - congratulations
as for your realtionship - my advice is to not make any sudden moves just now - find out who sober you is first - I was a million different people my first 90 days.
This process is hard on both the ex-drinker and their spouses.
It's ok to think on things a little I think?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 242
Great job on 69 days! Hopefully you can work things out with your hubby.
What made him so great when you married him.? Think back on it. Sometimes we loose our outlook or ourselves over time because we allow other things in our lives. Or hard times come. We disconnect with out realising it. Think back. It wasn't just the alcohol.
What made him so great when you married him.? Think back on it. Sometimes we loose our outlook or ourselves over time because we allow other things in our lives. Or hard times come. We disconnect with out realising it. Think back. It wasn't just the alcohol.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
69 Days is fantastic!! 
For me it took more time to figure out my life, who I was without alcohol, my emotions, my feelings, soo much was going on in my head, but in time the whirlwind calmed down and I had a clearer head to view the lay of the land.
Hang in there!! Keep Sober and many things may fall into place naturally!!
For me it took more time to figure out my life, who I was without alcohol, my emotions, my feelings, soo much was going on in my head, but in time the whirlwind calmed down and I had a clearer head to view the lay of the land.
Hang in there!! Keep Sober and many things may fall into place naturally!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
Hi Eliasson -- congrats on 69 days. I agree with the other posters ... things change a lot the first few months. I was all over the map. Perhaps give it some time, just keep working on your sobriety, and see where things stand in a few months? With some more sober time you'll likely know what you need to do, if anything.
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