Pia

I don't understand how I can be moving along with my emotions doing so so living life to all of a sudden I am pissed and angry. The last two days I am so frustrated, pissed at the world, angry and very resentful that I can't even stand myself. I'm trying to forgive myself and let go of resentments of this ending marriage.

I wrote a goal list to focus on , gym everyday and working the exercises I am learning from all the books I read. But I can't shake this fierce anger I have.
I lay in bed feeling my feelings, talking myself through them but I can't shake this anger even for a second.

What is wrong with me now!!

teatreeoil007

I believe that most anger is rooted in hurt/pain.

If your marriage is ending-there has been hurt/pain. Very few marriages that end don't have hurt/pain.

It's okay for you to feel this way. Anger swamping your heart, body, mind,and maybe even your soul.

It's not just an ICKY feeling, it can be a terrible feeling, and even temporarily debilitating as it can freeze you and stop you or delay you from doing the things you might want to do and need to do.

Sending you a hug. There is likely a lot of healing ahead for both of you.

Letting go of anger, as much as it is NEEDFUL can still be a painful process.

You have the power to beat this. Keep doing all the things you are doing. You are on the right track...

Pia

I just want to be happy and positive and looking forward to a new life. This really makes me doubt it is possible.

dandylion

{ia......for just this kind of situation, I suggest the "wailing wall" exercise (my name for it). It is designed to get the excess negative energy out of your body. I have done it and modified versions of it many times. It works.

find an isolated place...where you are alone. Imagine the person or persons are in front of you that you are the most angry at--or, hurt by. Then begin to verbally tell them everything you would like for them to know.....everything...every th ought, feeling, or bad name you can think of....
Scream it, even. Keep going until the tears are flowing and the snot is running. Intill you are hoarse and exhausted. Do not censor yourself.
This externalizes the boiling negativity that is driving your emotional state, right now.
It is necessary that you get it out.

dandylion

dandylion

Pia....of course it is possible for you to be happy and looking forward to a new life, again. It just isn't happening as fast as you want. It does take some time.
Remember that it is a process....you will process your way through it.
You will go through a necessary process of grieving....which you are in, right now.
Grieving is actually the beginning of the healing process.

do you have anyone that you can talk and ventilate to on a regular basis.....because you need that badly when grieving.....

dandylion

Pia

Dandylion- You are so sweet. I do this on a regular except I pretend I am sitting at the table talking to him.

I actually get more of a response in my head than if he was here. The anger and pain has been so bad that I almost called him. I just want to be healed and over this. This month is 2 years exactly I found out the truth and have been dealing with all this.

Liveitwell

Pia-I posted a while ago about something my therapist suggested-it's a little hinky but it helped put a picture of him in a chair and tell him to his "face" how hurt you are-how angry you are. I've so been there-it does get better...time, prayer and counting my blessings has helped me immensely. I still have my moments but overall I've cleared the yucky stuff out. Don't ever forget the truth and how much he tried to twist and distort it-and make you feel like you were crazy. A lot of my anger stemmed from those things. Accepting that he will lie, blame, manipulate and continue drinking no matter what was the key to me being at peace-weird, but acceptance is the key. I fought him, the disease, for so many years but it has won-and that's just fine with me. He has to live with his choices and demons-I do not. Same goes for you. Peace to you tonight!! This too shall pass. Keep working through it and don't stuff it-feel it, all of it.

healthyagain

Perhaps you should not shake off the anger? Perhaps you could visualize it and embrace it? Like hug it and accept that this is how you are feeling right now. Then let it go; it is hurting no one else but you.

Pia, I am going through an emotional roller coaster myself. I feel so lonely and sad and asking why. Then I get livid. Then I get happy. I'm trying to feel my feelings. I'm trying not to struggle, not to suppress them. But there are moments when I just want to crawl under some stone and stay there for a couple of years.

CarryThatWeight

Anger is one of the stages of grief, I believe. I think it's very normal and something we have to walk through. No shortcuts. You are where you are right now and that's ok. You have been given a lot of wisdom here. One variation on the wailing wall exercise is to write a letter to the person you're angry at, who hurt you, etc. Writing actually forces the brain to slow down to process the feelings. Then, you can read it to an empty chair or picture, and shred it. I have done that before and it has really helped me.

One day at a time.

Pia

Your right I just thought I already went through it. I didn't realize you go through it several times . My AH did alot of crappy things I hate that I can't move on fast enough.

Pia

put a picture of him in a chair and tell him to his "face" how hurt you are-
I've never thought of doing this, thank you.

Don't ever forget the truth and how much he tried to twist and distort it-and make you feel like you were crazy. A lot of my anger stemmed from those things. Accepting that he will lie, blame, manipulate and continue drinking no matter what was the key to me being at peace-

This is so true.

Pia

After reading everyone's post it came to me that I am upset and hurt and all over the place because it's almost a year I lost my father in death to a heart attack and then my marriage is over all in the same year.
I miss my dad a lot especially caring for my mother now and then I have this good for nothing husband that abandoned me /cheated on me and i'm just left with so much responsibility and hurt.

Liveitwell

Alcoholics don't abandon people-they set them free! Change of perspective, Pia!

Pia

I like that!! I need to remember that.

FeelingGreat

Pia, the others are right in saying it gets better, but if you find anger or intrusive thoughts seriously affecting your quality of life, and you don't seem to be making progress, I suggest you see a counsellor.
You may have a form of PTSD, and that can be treated. It's not confined to service personnel, and can be a milder type that still spoils your quality of life.
I had therapy when I was still obsessively going over things in my mind 2 years after the event. It didn't magically take the pain away but it did stop me thinking about it all the time, and it allowed me to move on with my life.

dandylion

Pia.....you have had a lot of significant loss in a short time. I understand how much you are hurting.
I am sure that you love your mother, and, I also know (very well) how stressful being a caretaker is.

Do you have any help with your mother? Who do you have to talk to?

dandylion

ShootingStar1

For me, now three years out of my marriage to a then alcoholic, my feelings appeared and disappeared like a spiral, grief, anger, pain, relief, joy, and over and over, each time, going up a little higher toward happiness and freedom.

ShootingStar1

Pia

No I don't really have help with her, and I have a gfriend I talk to about things but I try not to over burden her because I can tell when she starts to distance her self. I get it who wants to here about my issues all the time lol.

I really would like someone to go out and do things with like catch a movie or dinner. Honestly I am very alone. The friends I do have are all married and stuck at the hip with there husband.

Pia

Thank you ShootingStar- I am trying hard to make a happy new future but it is hard sometimes.