A moment of "normal"?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
A moment of "normal"?
For the first time last night, I was sitting on my porch at about 8pm and just enjoying the fall weather, thoughts about really nothing, just thinking about whatever.
Then it dawned on me.....I hadn't noticed my drinking time. Everyday since I've been sober, I know when its 4pm, 5pm, 6pm and so on. I've been hyper aware of it because thats when I started drinking so I make sure I'm busy doing something, anything.
But, last night, though I knew what time it was all day.....not even a thought! 4pm came and went, 5pm.....then at 8pm, I realized!
The first time I've actually lived in years, without worrying about drinking.
Its usually always on my mind whether drinking or not....
When drinking....
"Its gotta be late enough in the afternoon for a drink". "Is it 4pm? UGH, well 3pm is okay to start drinking, ", "OMG, it's 6pm and I haven't had a glass of wine! Better go get one" (that one just struck me as the stupidest thought ever).
Not drinking anymore...
"Uh oh, its getting late in the afternoon, get busy doing something or you'll drink". "Its 6pm and I didn't drink!" "8pm, wow its so weird to be sober this late".
But last night - I'd say a good 5 hours without ANY thought of alcohol, sobriety , drinking or not drinking. Just living my life.....LIVING! Going about my business without all the residual crap from my drinking years and obsessing about alcohol one way or the other.
I guess that's what the "normal people" feel like all day, everyday. Who knew!?!?!?!?!?!
I have to say, I'm proud of me....1st time in many years I can say that. I want nothing to do with alcohol again. The last 10 years almost killed me. Mentally and emotionally it had me down for the count. The physical was on it's way.
Thank God for SR, thank God for whatever divine intervention happened on Aug 10th that made me just wake up that day and decide enough was enough and begin my sober journey.
Love to you all
Then it dawned on me.....I hadn't noticed my drinking time. Everyday since I've been sober, I know when its 4pm, 5pm, 6pm and so on. I've been hyper aware of it because thats when I started drinking so I make sure I'm busy doing something, anything.
But, last night, though I knew what time it was all day.....not even a thought! 4pm came and went, 5pm.....then at 8pm, I realized!
The first time I've actually lived in years, without worrying about drinking.
Its usually always on my mind whether drinking or not....
When drinking....
"Its gotta be late enough in the afternoon for a drink". "Is it 4pm? UGH, well 3pm is okay to start drinking, ", "OMG, it's 6pm and I haven't had a glass of wine! Better go get one" (that one just struck me as the stupidest thought ever).
Not drinking anymore...
"Uh oh, its getting late in the afternoon, get busy doing something or you'll drink". "Its 6pm and I didn't drink!" "8pm, wow its so weird to be sober this late".
But last night - I'd say a good 5 hours without ANY thought of alcohol, sobriety , drinking or not drinking. Just living my life.....LIVING! Going about my business without all the residual crap from my drinking years and obsessing about alcohol one way or the other.
I guess that's what the "normal people" feel like all day, everyday. Who knew!?!?!?!?!?!
I have to say, I'm proud of me....1st time in many years I can say that. I want nothing to do with alcohol again. The last 10 years almost killed me. Mentally and emotionally it had me down for the count. The physical was on it's way.
Thank God for SR, thank God for whatever divine intervention happened on Aug 10th that made me just wake up that day and decide enough was enough and begin my sober journey.
Love to you all
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Yay!
I had one entire day I didn't think about it, I didn't realize until the next day, it was such a relief, because I know it'll eventually feel like that all the time.
Plus the mental break was nice
Nice post!
I had one entire day I didn't think about it, I didn't realize until the next day, it was such a relief, because I know it'll eventually feel like that all the time.
Plus the mental break was nice
Nice post!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by Jsbodhi 
Yay!
I had one entire day I didn't think about it, I didn't realize until the next day, it was such a relief, because I know it'll eventually feel like that all the time.
Plus the mental break was nice
Nice post!
I had one entire day I didn't think about it, I didn't realize until the next day, it was such a relief, because I know it'll eventually feel like that all the time.
Plus the mental break was nice
Nice post!
Yes, I believe that this was a glimpse into what the future will bring if I remain sober and it solidified my choice. I am looking forward to being sober, instead of looking back to what I'm missing out on (though I have to look waaaaaaaay back to find anything that was worth missing). Funny how I can still find those very few "good times" from 10-30 years ago.
I guess in some odd way I should be thankful for the last awful 10 years, especially the last 3.....it got me to this point. Had it not been that bad, I'd still be drinking.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Great post. Your comment about living life is so true. That's what normal people do, they live life. and I'll be darned if it isn't pretty good at times. When actively drinking it seems like we are in a constant cycle of buzzed and recovery and then obsessing over the next cycle. Pitiful actually. Good job and enjoy your day.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: North Texas
Posts: 183
I had that moment last weekend after I woke up bloodied up and had no idea how it happened after binge drinking til blackout. That was my kick in the arse to get clean. 8 days sober now, and your story sounds exactly like my weekend so far.. Congrats and I respect your strength.
Dru -
Dru -
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
CONGRATULATIONS! I remember quite well when I had my first similar moment. It was liberating.
That is a form of slavery. That obsession robs you of your freedom.
Sadly, I never knew I was a slave until I was free.
Originally Posted by InTheEnd
Its usually always on my mind whether drinking or not....
Sadly, I never knew I was a slave until I was free.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
But last night - I'd say a good 5 hours without ANY thought of alcohol, sobriety , drinking or not drinking. Just living my life.....LIVING! Going about my business without all the residual crap from my drinking years and obsessing about alcohol one way or the other.
I guess that's what the "normal people" feel like all day, everyday. Who knew!?!?!?!?!?!
It seems as if I am constantly thinking about NOT drinking. I keep repeating, "I'm not a drinker. I don't drink, etc." Just today I was talking with my friend who has 25+ years of sobriety. I asked her if the thought of drinking or not drinking ever goes away. She chuckled and said, "Of course it does". I'm glad you posted this. I look forward to having a day with normal person thoughts.
I guess that's what the "normal people" feel like all day, everyday. Who knew!?!?!?!?!?!
It seems as if I am constantly thinking about NOT drinking. I keep repeating, "I'm not a drinker. I don't drink, etc." Just today I was talking with my friend who has 25+ years of sobriety. I asked her if the thought of drinking or not drinking ever goes away. She chuckled and said, "Of course it does". I'm glad you posted this. I look forward to having a day with normal person thoughts.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 396
Nice one. It's a good feeling.
Someone in my AA group brought this up at a meeting last week. I remember after about month 3/4 of sobriety, I wasn't thinking about drink. The way my mind pre-planned a binge seemed to be much less. It's as if the obsession was removed.
I know fine well this could return at any time.
Someone in my AA group brought this up at a meeting last week. I remember after about month 3/4 of sobriety, I wasn't thinking about drink. The way my mind pre-planned a binge seemed to be much less. It's as if the obsession was removed.
I know fine well this could return at any time.
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