KAD

I have a few. Well, actually a lot, but I try not to dwell on them. The main ones I have in mind right now involve the loss of friends. There are some people from my past who simply refuse to communicate with me anymore. They could no longer stand by and watch what they were sure would be my descent into madness and death. As one old friend put it, she couldn't wait around to hear that I was dead. It's regrettable because I think they'll be missing out on what I feel certain is lasting recovery. But, alas, they've heard it all before. I can't blame them for their doubt and cynicism.

On the flip side, there are also a few old friends who are still sticking by me, and then there are even more new friends I've made on the journey to recovery, friends who've been through the same hell and know what it's like to feel there is no hope, friends who know what it's like to lose old friends. As they say in AA, "we don't give up on anyone." We certainly can't give up on ourselves. We're sure to lose if we do that. We have no choice but to live with ourselves.

Dee74

I can't blame the people who cut me out forever either.

They had good cause, and I pushed the friendship to breaking point many times.

At this point all I can be is philosophical...it is what it is. May I never forget the lesson.

D

Tang

I've driven away people over the course of many years. Many old friends I felt I could never be the partier and be uplifting like them. Many a time I outstretched the olive branch only to be left flapping in the wind. To this day I internalize these things and feel it's a failure of my character. Why did such close friendships disintegrate into thin air? I wish I had answers.

Dee74

I don't think there's anything wrong with my essential character or yours Tang. We both seem to be ordinary decent people striving to be better.

My judgement was not the best when under the influence of intoxicants tho.

D

getright15

I have a ton of them too. I go through the mental rolodex plenty of times a day. I try not to think about the things I've done including the things I have to face as a result of my drinking. I just got back from an AA meeting where a lot of great things happened. Chips were being given out left and right. It does feel good to look at that and see myself in that position soon. I take away a lot when going to meetings as well as my IOP, but in the same breath it's hard to get over the regrets and the choices I made when I was drinking. Just sucks!

Incontrol15

^^^Ditto

It's getting easier with time and I know it's going to take much more time to get over it. At this stage, the biggest travesty would be to let those regrets impact my ability to grow. Worse yet, to let them, or anything for that matter, make me drink again. Ain't happening.

But it's hard. Real hard at times. It seems that I've had the best success with actually allowing myself to feel that regret when they pop up. Not passively, but actively think about them for a bit. I will normally get really sad. Cry at times.

I find the feelings go away quicker that way. Instead of dragging on all the time, I'm able to move past them.

I'll always finish that process with "Thank God I'm sober and the madness has stopped. Time for a new chapter."

Wish I could say I didn't have regrets at all. But in the end, I had to do what I did to eventually realize I was an alcoholic and I needed to stop. I've somewhat come to peace with that.

Soberwolf

Awesome advice in this thread

tomsteve

if you follow through with the steps of aa, the 9th step promises will materialize and part of those promises is
we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

worked for me. i can look at my past and accept i did everything i did. i put in a lot of footwork changing me and, by the grace of God and working the steps, im not that man any more

Aellyce

I've found that it takes time, GMO. Those losses seem and feel quite intense in the beginning and for a while, but the more time passes with effort, quality attitude and way of being on our end, the more the regrets tend to fade or at least they no longer have power to influence our well-being much. And while I have not done it myself, I believe the program of AA is designed to target just this process and make it more focused and efficient. I'm very glad to see all the progress you have been making in the past few months!