wildcountry

My husband is what many would call a functional alcoholic. He has been at one job for over a decade, he pays the bills, he has never been physically or mentally abusive to me or our children...... All and all a really good and responsible person. But..... He drinks..... and he drinks a lot. It has caused us problems. He was so drunk during one of our children baby showers it left me crying hystericly. I am fairly certain he has tripped and fell while holding our children. His drinking has always been excessive. At first it did not really concern me because we were young, and I was drinking too. But when we had children I stopped that he didn't . His drinking it had been getting heavier and heavier. He seemed to need to drink every day. During the week he was usually not becoming intoxicated, but still having two to four beers. The weekends were getting out of control. He would start drinking beer at around noon ..... I swear he was just waiting for it to turn 12 so he could start . And go in and go until one or two in the morning . He would be so intoxicated I would literally be afraid for him. I was worried he would not wake up. I have fought with him about this and encouraged him to quit drinking. I suppose I have seen small battles won here and there. For the longest time he would not admit to being an alcoholic. A few years ago did start to admit that he was an alcoholic. He still was unable to quit drinking. He flat out told me he didn't want to. My husband surprised me last night. Our wedding anniversary is coming up. He told me that he is going to quit drinking ( and going to church with me). He told me he doesn't like the person he is becoming, and the thought of losing us makes him sick. He has never ever mentioned quitting..... Never. This is a surprise especially since we have not been fighting about his drinking..... Not anymore than usual at least. I am working toward my Masters in counseling, and though my specialty is not in AODA, I do know that withdrawal from alcohol can be dangerous. I urged him this morning to go to his doctor, and he has agreed. I asked him about AA or going to see a therapist..... He wants to see if he can get through this without that, but if he starts to struggle he will get additional help. I am happy , excited, and feeling optimistic but also fearful and worried for my husband. Please if you have positive stories, tips, encouragement send it my way.

LexieCat

Well, the fact that this was unprompted by you is a hopeful sign. I'm not surprised he wants to try it on his own, first. This is pretty common--a lot of people have to try and fail a few times on their own before they see they need more help. And some people DO manage it without AA or a formal "program" PROVIDED they make the necessary internal changes so they can live sober, happily.

I'd suggest you be very careful about "reminding" him not to drink, telling him where he should or shouldn't go, or otherwise trying to "help." You can tell him you're happy he's made the decision to get sober, but you don't have to be a cheerleader. You can encourage without making it your business.

If you aren't already going to Al-Anon, this might be a very good time. Putting the focus on YOU will help you to keep it off HIM.

knowthetriggers

I wish you both the best. This is a long journey but totally worth it.

I caution you not to put to much thought in his "words". They are just words. You will soon hear and read that his actions will tell you if he is serious.

I can echo what Lexi is suggesting about Al-Anon or some sort of support program for yourself.

You will drive yourself bonkers minding his business. A support group can be very liberating for you. Help you focus on your needs.

Keep coming back and keep sharing!

FeelingGreat

If he's sick of himself and thinks he should be a better family man he may have a chance of succeeding, as opposed to someone who quits out of pressure or fear. I'm glad he's seeing his doctor, and not just for the withdrawal symptoms. It helps to have someone who knows apart from family.
I hope he does it without support from AA or another group. I didn't and don't use anything but SR, so it can be done, but others find AA invaluable.

LexieCat

I just realized that's a fairly ambiguous sentence. What I was trying to say is that you should AVOID doing those things.

Maybe you read it the way I meant it, but I wanted to make sure I was clear about what I was trying to say.

atalose

I think that’s a positive step that you’re AH sees that his drinking has become a problem and doesn’t make him happy anymore and wishes to change that.
When is this supposed to happen?

And while he focuses on his issue have you given any thought to what you can do for your own recovery from his drinking?

wildcountry

I think it is a hopeful sign too. I don't know what triggered it, but I am so, so happy that this is something he wants for himself, and hasn't been forced. I *think* he might end up needing additional support. I could be wrong though. I just feel like alcohol has been his way of coping since he was 14.

I do want to be careful with my words regarding his drinking. I don't like being a police officer. He did ask me to keep him in check, but with this I would much rather be encouraging and reinforcing.

I will check out AL-Anon, and she what is available in our area. We have three children (7, 3, and infant age), so it is difficult to get out of the house. I have heard of Al-Anon before though.

Thank you so much for your reply.

wildcountry

Thank you so much! I will definitely check out what we have in our area. It would be nice to see if he would be willing to do couples or even family therapy. We are both good people, nonviolent parents, but had very difficult childhoods.

LexieCat

I'd suggest waiting on the therapy/counseling as a couple until he's been sober for a while. Deal with one thing at a time. Until he's made some real progress (SEVERAL months, at least) in his sobriety, that is going to take all his concentration. It also takes quite a while for the lingering physical/mental effects of alcoholic drinking to abate, so I'd suggest putting that on the back burner for now. You might each benefit from individual counseling, though, preferably from someone who specializes in addiction.