Old behaviours...Old thoughts. Triggered by dream
Old behaviours...Old thoughts. Triggered by dream
So long story short...High School was not a fun time in my life. At all.
The majority of the time was spent hiding from others...Anxiety/etc. But i made it through..
Last night i had a dream i was walking those damn halls of High School again...Getting ready to take a test/exam. And the ANXIETY returned 10 times over. Had to take a breath on waking to remind myself...Just a dream.
Thing is my old behaviour/thought kicked in this morning too...*Screw this i don't want to get out of bed, or go to work or do ANYTHING today. Came close to taking a pointless sick day...When i've already burned through most of them early this year (Drinking over new years...)
Then the old romanticizing the drinking thoughts crept in....Just stay home get a bottle...And watch TV...(Sci Fi, etc...)
This is what i USED to do. The thought returned with a vengeance this morning. Triggered by what....A dream?...Anxiety...Not sure.
Anyways, got up showered, dressed and got my ass to work.
Here i am on my lunch break...Taking ACTION about these thoughts so they don't stew and gain strength.
Going to call my sponsor shortly and talk about this. Not in any immediate danger of drinking...Because well i have over 8 HARD earned months. Not throwing that away.
Anyways, needed to share. Thanks for reading.
Findingtheway
The majority of the time was spent hiding from others...Anxiety/etc. But i made it through..
Last night i had a dream i was walking those damn halls of High School again...Getting ready to take a test/exam. And the ANXIETY returned 10 times over. Had to take a breath on waking to remind myself...Just a dream.
Thing is my old behaviour/thought kicked in this morning too...*Screw this i don't want to get out of bed, or go to work or do ANYTHING today. Came close to taking a pointless sick day...When i've already burned through most of them early this year (Drinking over new years...)
Then the old romanticizing the drinking thoughts crept in....Just stay home get a bottle...And watch TV...(Sci Fi, etc...)
This is what i USED to do. The thought returned with a vengeance this morning. Triggered by what....A dream?...Anxiety...Not sure.
Anyways, got up showered, dressed and got my ass to work.
Here i am on my lunch break...Taking ACTION about these thoughts so they don't stew and gain strength.
Going to call my sponsor shortly and talk about this. Not in any immediate danger of drinking...Because well i have over 8 HARD earned months. Not throwing that away.
Anyways, needed to share. Thanks for reading.
Findingtheway
I used to suffer horrific nightmares waking up screaming etc that could mess with my day you are doing great addressing it & getting it off your chest & on the page
Finding they are indeed 8 hard earned months and you sir are most awesome
Congrats Finding
Finding they are indeed 8 hard earned months and you sir are most awesome
Congrats Finding
8 months is great Finding. Tough getting your mind back on track after one of those dreams!
Good job fighting through the temptations of staying home and getting a bottle. Way to flex those sober muscles!
Good job fighting through the temptations of staying home and getting a bottle. Way to flex those sober muscles!
Way to work through in and not just sit in it.........
Awesome!
For me I have mostly stopped trying to figure out where this stuff comes from and just try to shrug it off. Keeping it simple for me is saying the specters of my old life are gone. We cast them out and move forward carrying the gift we have been given.
Remember the song......yesterday's gone. yesterday's gone.........!!!
Good Work!
Awesome!
For me I have mostly stopped trying to figure out where this stuff comes from and just try to shrug it off. Keeping it simple for me is saying the specters of my old life are gone. We cast them out and move forward carrying the gift we have been given.
Remember the song......yesterday's gone. yesterday's gone.........!!!
Good Work!
Well done for pushing through and contacting your sponsor.
Out of interest, which step are you working on at the moment? I know when I was approaching step 4 it threw a lot of those kind of things up (and led to a ridiculous amount of procrastination re starting to work on that step) But when I actually DID step 4 and then step 5, that's when a lot of my anxieties; fears and resentments were laid to rest.
Hope you get a better night tonight x
Out of interest, which step are you working on at the moment? I know when I was approaching step 4 it threw a lot of those kind of things up (and led to a ridiculous amount of procrastination re starting to work on that step) But when I actually DID step 4 and then step 5, that's when a lot of my anxieties; fears and resentments were laid to rest.
Hope you get a better night tonight x
I just completed step EIGHT and am being to lay the groundwork for how i am going to approach step Nine.
Last night was another restless night interrupted by dreams/nightmares again...Though this one centered around someone trying to hurt someone i love...Powerlessness?...Ugh hope these pass soon.
My sponsor said it might be related to the work i'm putting towards doing these steps right now...And i believe him.
I'm not drinking today, and for TODAY that's what matters.
Thanks for reading.
Findingtheway
Last night was another restless night interrupted by dreams/nightmares again...Though this one centered around someone trying to hurt someone i love...Powerlessness?...Ugh hope these pass soon.
My sponsor said it might be related to the work i'm putting towards doing these steps right now...And i believe him.
I'm not drinking today, and for TODAY that's what matters.
Thanks for reading.
Findingtheway
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Findingtheway , well done for pulling yourself off to work and getting past the unwanted thoughts . Strangely enough I had a bad night last night too with panic attacks x 2 , woke at 2 am trembling and fearful so sat up and done my deep breathing and read some light stuff on my laptop . Got back to sleep then woke again at 4am with another episode of panic although not as strong .
I was glad to see 7 am so I could get up . Took me as hour or so to settle but went on to have a decent day . Thanks for the share and reminding me that we are never alone .
I was glad to see 7 am so I could get up . Took me as hour or so to settle but went on to have a decent day . Thanks for the share and reminding me that we are never alone .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Excellent findingtheway. You took the road less traveled and dragged yourself out of bed and got off to work. Awesome. I can so relate to taking a day and drink it away. For myself, for many years if it rained it was an automatic day off. So, I would drink. I saw it as an opportunity. How sad is that. But its true. It was a day to sit around ALL DAY and drink. Strangely, I thought I enjoyed it, and I guess for a period of time I did. But over time I started to experience consequences and that is when things began to change. Anyway, this is about you, not me. I think its great what you did yesterday.
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