tracey1234

Hi Ive not been here before & not sure how forums work so apologies if I get things wrong. Three months ago I told my alcoholic boyfriend I couldnt compete with his alcoholism anymore & Ive not heard from him since. It wasnt an empty threat to get him to change, I had had enough & could not cope. Since then he has got himself into a lot of trouble & as far as I know is still drinking. Most of the time he was with me he didnt drink (everyone said how good I was for him..) but every few months he'd binge drink & get in loads of trouble & upset myself. My own depression got worse & worse. This relationship went on for nearly 10years. He was my best friend & I wanted us to be together forever & for our love & relationship to develope for the better. Some days I am glad to be away from him but most of the time I am basically wanting my life to end because I am constantly grieving & waiting to hear from him. I am in a state of disbelief that he has decided to choose alcohol over saving our relationship and that someone who said they loved me is turning their back on me whilst knowing how severely I suffer from depression. I slowly turn against all his family & friends as they continue to put up with/enable his drinking. Apparently I am the one who has to make a decision that this relationship must end (somehow he is blameless & accepted for who he is as an alcoholic..even if he will end up dead or in prison for his behaviour & even if he ruins other peoples lives). Somehow there is no justice. I feel abandoned, betrayed & completely isolated.

lunar

tracey,
I think you've already solved this dilemma.

It's normal to feel hurt, betrayed, etc, when it comes from
someone we truly love, but it ain't gonna get any easier
for you later on, if they've already chosen their way, not your's.
I hope you feel better and gain strength over this.

endlesspatience

Tracy, I'm glad you found us and I hope we can support you. Post here as often as you wish to.

There's a dilemma here about the end of this relationship but it's worth remembering the reasons you felt it was the right thing to do to put an end to it. As you say, there are days when you are glad to be away from him. As time passes, you'll get a different perspective I think.

IOAA2

Hi.
With time we learn we can’t fix other people, we can support them IF they want to sober up.

My suggestion is to join the forum on this site “Friends and Families.”
Along with that Al Anon meetings in your are very valuable, the donation is about $1 if you can afford it.
You may not like the information received but it’s straight on and usually better than a therapist without the experience of working with alcoholism involved.

BE WELL

tracey1234

Thank you. Life seems very hard & cruel. I hope I can ride this out. It is the injustice, betrayal & lack of care that I find impossible to accept. He has chosen the easy way he has always known (together with his support network of friends & family) whilst I feel I have to start my life again. I am angry, sad, tired, lonely & confused. I know there is no other way if he has chosen to continue to drink & has decided I nolonger exist. Incredibly hard to accept.

tracey1234

Thank you IOAA2 I attend Al anon. It helps me a little. I am lucky I also see a counsellor wich also helps a little. I just try to stay alive day by day at the moment.

Rar

Hi Tracey. Welcome to SR. You will find support and encouragement here. There is a section here for family members of alcoholics where I think you will also find support. Hang in there. You cannot go down with him.

Soberwolf

Welcome Tracey nice to meet you youl find tons of support here

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Tracey!!

Dee74

A late but sincere welcome from me too Tracey

D