healthyagain

Okkkkkk, do not know how to start this post, trying to pick my jaw of the floor.

So, my stbxah visits about an hour ago. Acting relatively normal. We start talking, mainly "discussing" finances, mainly him complaining about "aaaaall the bills he has to pay." So blah blah blah, he mentions the health insurance, and I say "Well, since I filed for divorce, I'll have to remove myself from the policy. So it will not be as much anymore." And all you hear are *crickets*.

"You filed for divorce? I did not know you filed," he says.

And I am like "What? You know I gave you a ride home on Friday and told you I paid for it. You do not remember? And on Thursday, I said I went to see the attorney and that I was going to do it."

And he says, "Well yeah, but you did not tell me you filed [oh this is so not true], I thought you were collecting documents."

Me, "But I said I paid, you know what paid means?"

So he left, probably drowning himself in whiskey at the moment. But wow, just wow.

Thanks for reading.

InfoSponge

I'll so agree with you on that. Wooooow. That is pretty well checked out behavior!

At one point, I had convinced myself that whenever my AH failed to remember anything I had said, even very important things, it was that I or the events were disinteresting or unimportant. But no... checked out.

(By the way, I cannot express how much the use of quack around here makes me grin. Or how much it made me want to grin MORE when I realized yesterday that I was grinning through another moment of listening to how horrible I am. I couldn't help picturing myself talking with Howard the Duck. Quaaaack)

Eddiebuckle

Not checked out, blacked out. I gave my girlfriend keys to my house for the "first time" on back to back weekends. When you hit a certain stage, it doesn't take that much, and the person need not appear all that intoxicated for it to occur. And note - this was something that I initiated, that I thought long and hard about - and had zero recollection of. Something external I would think would have less chance of "sticking."

healthyagain

I know that his condition has deteriorated rapidly. But it is scary. It really is.

honeypig

Exactly my experience also--I was told countless times that whatever he didn't remember was "not important enough to commit to memory" and that he didn't remember things I said b/c I talked so much--how could he be expected to pick out and remember things when I talked so freaking much? And I even made a number of efforts to talk less, thinking that that really was the problem...but then he said I was too quiet, and he didn't like that either.

As time went on, I began to think maybe this wasn't normal, and then when the drinking finally came out in the open, I began to realize it wasn't my fault he didn't remember stuff!

LexieCat

Denial is a powerful thing.

FeelingGreat

A's to tend to have significant gaps in their memories and understanding. Do you find he has difficulty learning new tasks?

healthyagain

I do feel that he will not be able to take care of himself in a few months. There is this inflexibility and blame for everything and everybody else. Considering that he is on a quart of whiskey a day (and that was last time I checked), I would not be surprised that he is having the "wet brain" syndrome. And the reason why I believe it is denial is that it seems quite selective what he remembers and what he does not.

InfoSponge

"As time went on, I began to think maybe this wasn't normal, and then when the drinking finally came out in the open, I began to realize it wasn't my fault he didn't remember stuff!"

(Not sure how to quote a post yet, heh)

Same here. Making the realization allowed me to stop responding to such criticism. That's when things got very interesting, was accused again of the above behavior I mentioned, then I was called a doormat, then everything from never letting him finish a thought (nevermind that he'll interrupt me 30 times before I can finish I thought) to literally causing him to forget things because I'm too scatter brained to stay on a topic.

We have had life insurance policies since his father died 4 years ago. And yet every single month he forgets, often to the point of miscalculating bills and putting us in a predicament. Once I set aside the money, only for him to take it back and spend it on something else, and when I explained that was a big mistake he got mad at me for not reminding him about the bill. Keep in mind, he tries very hard to control the money and bills, citing that I am irresponsible with money.

honeypig

Quick diversion from the topic at hand: To quote a post, you just hit the blue button at the lower right hand corner of that post that says "Quote." This sets you up in a new window to reply w/the quote at the top of the window.

I will also mention that it is NOT necessary to quote the entire post when you only want to respond to a certain line or few lines. Just go into the quoted portion and delete whatever is not pertinent. That way you don't have a post that's a mile long before you even add anything of your own.

Hope that helps! The "Forum Rules and Troubleshooting" section also has some useful info if you're stymied.

InfoSponge

Thanks, honeypig! I think due to the fact I'm accessing this by cell phone, I am not seeing the quote button. I see a reply button? With a little bubble beside it that looks like it would be for chat or a message. Maybe that's quote? Wearing my newbie hat proudly right now lol

honeypig

Hmm, I have never seen how it looks on a cell phone. Maybe someone else who has that experience can help you out w/that. On a regular computer, the "post reply" button is on the left and the quote, edit, etc., buttons are on the right--but it sounds like you don't see a lot of those options on a cell...

Sorry for the diversion of the topic!

healthyagain

I think that if you scroll to the bottom of the thread/page, there is a link saying "view full website." Then if you click on it, you will get the full view, like on computer, and more options should be available.

LeeJane

Black out or denial, maybe?

InfoSponge

*I think that if you scroll to the bottom of the thread/page, there is a link saying "view full website."

I don't see anything down there. Le bummer.

Back to topic... I suppose it could be black out, could also be denial. I see a fair measure of both with AH at different times. Sometimes I see shock and awe at what he seems not to know he has done/said/allowed, sometimes he will seem to outright ignore (which is more what I meant by checked out) and other times try to minimize. Who knows? Tis a mystery, but tis not good.