Also checking in :)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Also checking in :)
Everything is moved. I need to swap toilets from the old house to my new apartment because I got a taller one for when dad visits. That's all though - no reason to ever go back there after that....EVER lol.
I've been so busy I don't think it has all totally hit me. I haven't had much sadness, I had a lot of excitement pre moving, but now I'm a little, um flat / numb.
Things are /were hectic - moving was busy, lots of sleepless nights packing. XABF was nice the night before I left. We kept the talking light. The next day while I was moving, he was upset I took the liquid smoke and PB Blaster. I was dirty, exhausted, drained hungry, and left a lot of things I didn't need for him - and could have thrown the Liquid Smoke at his head and not felt bad about it.
My place is cute - piled to the ceiling with boxes and that's making me crazy, but so far I've only had enough time to tackle a few boxes per night. I need tv and music, but haven't had time to do that. Oh, I need a microwave - I'm living on cold pizza. Yuck.
XABF wanted to pick up my filing cabinet a couple nights ago and I said sure - i dont have room. I am pretty sure a female drove him over to my place (he couldn't drive - it was after 6pm and all...) I felt a twinge of WTF, it's been 2 g0ddamned days!- but that went away fairlyquickly. By all means - please solidify that I never want to go there again for me.
I did the all ladies motorcycle trip last weekend - AMAZING. 19 women on bikes - 430 miles in 2 days. I can't even put into words the fun, thrill, camaraderie, and feeling of family. I'm so glad I did it.
This weekend, I am taking my niece to a sports clinic a few hours away with my aunt (her great aunt). I get to meet Abby Wambach - MY HERO! We get autographs (I ordered us all jerseys)- fun auntie weekend, and I can't wait.
Then, Monday - I am finally taking all for me - alone in my new place to unpack and decorate, and I suspect the whole mess might hit me then.... that's ok, I'm ready for it. I'll feel it, remind myself why, forgive myself and let it go. I need to start a list of why this change is so great. That's the plan anyway
To start - I do not have to go through 1 more winter of coming home to a drunk who has done nothing but play video games or fish all day (hes a plow guy - work is sporadic in the winter). I don't have to go through 1 more miserable Christmas or Thanksgiving. I will never make up another excuse as to why my partner isn't with my for holidays or family time. I will never sleep in a bedroom that smells like a slow death ever again. I will never sit in the driveway after coming home from work wondering if I should go inside, or just grab my fishing pole quietly and head back out. Ugg - I could go on and on, but that doesn't make me happy either right now.
I can't wait to be done with the next few months, over the emotional hump - i just want to be moved on and happy. Thanks guys - I couldn't have done it without you all - and most importantly, I wouldn't have even seen the issues in me without you all. So much love and thanks to you all.
I've been so busy I don't think it has all totally hit me. I haven't had much sadness, I had a lot of excitement pre moving, but now I'm a little, um flat / numb.
Things are /were hectic - moving was busy, lots of sleepless nights packing. XABF was nice the night before I left. We kept the talking light. The next day while I was moving, he was upset I took the liquid smoke and PB Blaster. I was dirty, exhausted, drained hungry, and left a lot of things I didn't need for him - and could have thrown the Liquid Smoke at his head and not felt bad about it.
My place is cute - piled to the ceiling with boxes and that's making me crazy, but so far I've only had enough time to tackle a few boxes per night. I need tv and music, but haven't had time to do that. Oh, I need a microwave - I'm living on cold pizza. Yuck.
XABF wanted to pick up my filing cabinet a couple nights ago and I said sure - i dont have room. I am pretty sure a female drove him over to my place (he couldn't drive - it was after 6pm and all...) I felt a twinge of WTF, it's been 2 g0ddamned days!- but that went away fairlyquickly. By all means - please solidify that I never want to go there again for me.
I did the all ladies motorcycle trip last weekend - AMAZING. 19 women on bikes - 430 miles in 2 days. I can't even put into words the fun, thrill, camaraderie, and feeling of family. I'm so glad I did it.
This weekend, I am taking my niece to a sports clinic a few hours away with my aunt (her great aunt). I get to meet Abby Wambach - MY HERO! We get autographs (I ordered us all jerseys)- fun auntie weekend, and I can't wait.
Then, Monday - I am finally taking all for me - alone in my new place to unpack and decorate, and I suspect the whole mess might hit me then.... that's ok, I'm ready for it. I'll feel it, remind myself why, forgive myself and let it go. I need to start a list of why this change is so great. That's the plan anyway
To start - I do not have to go through 1 more winter of coming home to a drunk who has done nothing but play video games or fish all day (hes a plow guy - work is sporadic in the winter). I don't have to go through 1 more miserable Christmas or Thanksgiving. I will never make up another excuse as to why my partner isn't with my for holidays or family time. I will never sleep in a bedroom that smells like a slow death ever again. I will never sit in the driveway after coming home from work wondering if I should go inside, or just grab my fishing pole quietly and head back out. Ugg - I could go on and on, but that doesn't make me happy either right now.
I can't wait to be done with the next few months, over the emotional hump - i just want to be moved on and happy. Thanks guys - I couldn't have done it without you all - and most importantly, I wouldn't have even seen the issues in me without you all. So much love and thanks to you all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Firebolt,
Take your time emptying those boxes, only do it once. I know you have boxes all over the place and you want to make order, but do it on your time and how you want to.
I would also encourage you to go to a good garage sale this weekend. Find one special piece that you fall in love with and buy it. I did that for my house. I found a 36" by 36" piece of metal artwork. See, I wasn't allowed to hang things on the wall. I bought it. It made me finally feel like this place is mine.
Guess in a way it was a ritualistic way of saying this place is "mine".
Also congrats, and
Take your time emptying those boxes, only do it once. I know you have boxes all over the place and you want to make order, but do it on your time and how you want to.
I would also encourage you to go to a good garage sale this weekend. Find one special piece that you fall in love with and buy it. I did that for my house. I found a 36" by 36" piece of metal artwork. See, I wasn't allowed to hang things on the wall. I bought it. It made me finally feel like this place is mine.
Guess in a way it was a ritualistic way of saying this place is "mine".
Also congrats, and
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Thanks guys - GREAT idea, Amy. I am such an art person, I want it on every wall of the place, and there is one nice big blank canvas wall that needs something!
I appreciate the cheering section more than you all will ever know. <3
I appreciate the cheering section more than you all will ever know. <3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I thought of you today, fb, because the Milwaukee Rally is this weekend. Tons of gorgeous bikes all over the city. (Well, there are always a lot of gorgeous bikes here, since it's Harley's headquarters.)
You should seriously consider coming out some year. It's not Sturgis, but it's a lot of fun. And the Harley-Davidson museum is amazing.
You should seriously consider coming out some year. It's not Sturgis, but it's a lot of fun. And the Harley-Davidson museum is amazing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Wisconsin that sounds amazing! It's breathtaking to see (and HEAR) so many bikes together.
Well - another update - super fun auntie weekend was KILLER! I have such a chick crush on Abby Wambach
Came back, really focused on my place - got A LOT done. It is starting to feel like home.
Some things are striking to me...
I went to XABFs to swap toilets, his place was littered with booze bottles / cans. He miraculously left work in time to show up while my bro and I were there. He was puffy, red, and stinky. GROSS. Thanks for the reminder HP. Thank you. He's texted me some love you / miss yous.....If I was drunk all the time, I'd probably do the same after a break up. I kept my part of texting to about the toilet, and my mail.
At some point in our relationship, XABF had become suddenly sensitive to interior decor when we lived together. He didn't have anything for art or taste for that matter to his dwelling before we moved in - but at some point, he became weird about what I hung on the walls. It had to be super gender neutral, and some of my art he didn't like. Yeah, that's all proudly displayed now...as are now, candles, vases, and a nice flowery new welcome mat I bought. Picking what I like and want was easy. I fall asleep to the tv now when I want - no laying in dark and silence staring at the ceiling til sleep comes. My bedroom smells like fresh laundry - not alcoholism - that is probably the most profound sensory change.
I am happy to go home. I don't have random pangs of mistrust of the home I am walking into. I am playing with the dog alot, and keeping very, very busy. I haven't had a breakdown moment. The seafood isle at the grocery store, a dumb song on the radio, and a couple other things have made me teary eyed with memories, but they were very short lived. I do not want to shove my feelings down, I know I tend to do that. But I also have to question if maybe I cried enough, ruminated enough, and stressed myself out enough DURING the relationship, that I just don't need to do it anymore on that subject. I dunno.
Anywho good weekend all around - life is looking more beautiful by the day. Thanks all!
Well - another update - super fun auntie weekend was KILLER! I have such a chick crush on Abby Wambach
Came back, really focused on my place - got A LOT done. It is starting to feel like home.
Some things are striking to me...
I went to XABFs to swap toilets, his place was littered with booze bottles / cans. He miraculously left work in time to show up while my bro and I were there. He was puffy, red, and stinky. GROSS. Thanks for the reminder HP. Thank you. He's texted me some love you / miss yous.....If I was drunk all the time, I'd probably do the same after a break up. I kept my part of texting to about the toilet, and my mail.
At some point in our relationship, XABF had become suddenly sensitive to interior decor when we lived together. He didn't have anything for art or taste for that matter to his dwelling before we moved in - but at some point, he became weird about what I hung on the walls. It had to be super gender neutral, and some of my art he didn't like. Yeah, that's all proudly displayed now...as are now, candles, vases, and a nice flowery new welcome mat I bought. Picking what I like and want was easy. I fall asleep to the tv now when I want - no laying in dark and silence staring at the ceiling til sleep comes. My bedroom smells like fresh laundry - not alcoholism - that is probably the most profound sensory change.
I am happy to go home. I don't have random pangs of mistrust of the home I am walking into. I am playing with the dog alot, and keeping very, very busy. I haven't had a breakdown moment. The seafood isle at the grocery store, a dumb song on the radio, and a couple other things have made me teary eyed with memories, but they were very short lived. I do not want to shove my feelings down, I know I tend to do that. But I also have to question if maybe I cried enough, ruminated enough, and stressed myself out enough DURING the relationship, that I just don't need to do it anymore on that subject. I dunno.
Anywho good weekend all around - life is looking more beautiful by the day. Thanks all!
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