yinpigster

OK so I have been on Suboxone for three years and five months and this last few days I had a binge on heroin...I have been a heroin addict for almost 20 years and i really thought that I wouldn't do stuff like this anymore...I am back on the Suboxone, because today is dosing day. I don't plan on doing it again...but i said that 3 years ago and now I have stuffed up almost three and a half years of not using. Damn!!!
I'm not down on myself, but all hell would break loose if my loved ones find out. I know what put me in danger and I can recount each step I made to be able to use...Am I really a lifer when it comes to Suboxone???

mecanix

Hey Yin ,
None of us know the answer to your questions . I hope you work hard on your recovery and that you stay clean ,

Stay strong , m

Meraviglioso

It really, really sucks to think about having to sea with the demons of addiction for the rest of our lives, doesn't it? I feel for you, I really do. But you know what? I've learned we just have to play the cards we are dealt.
I have not had to wrestle with heroin addiction, but have battled alcoholism for nearly 20 years.
It might be that you have to have medical support for the rest of your life. However, there also might be alternatives to the Suboxone. Are you participating in any other kind of support or treatment? It might be that attending NA meetings or seeing a counselor who specializes in addiction could help get you to a place where you can start to consider letting go of the help of the meds.
Whatever you do, don't let this slip trick you into thinking all is lost and allow yourself to continue on your bender. Get straight back at your recovery. No more heroin. You messed up, but you have three and a half years of success to turn to when you feel like a failure. Again, no more heroin, you are done with that.
Best wishes for a peaceful day.

Carver

A slip doesn't take away the fact that you've got 3 and a half years. It just lets you know that the danger is still there. I guess you'll still have to fight it every once in a while, but it's a fight worth fighting

Soberwolf

No my sister went from heroin to methadone to subitex she then went and completed a 6 month rehab

It changed her life she's close to a year clean & sober & I love her to pieces

Dude if you ever want to talk msg me my advice is you can do this & make reaching out while craving a top priority were going to here for you

you can do this

yinpigster

Nice one folks...thank you for the encouragement, they are words truly understood...Shall keep on fighting the good fight^^

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Yinpigster!!

Dee74

Welcome to SR

I have no experience to share but I don;t think you've 'stuffed up' 3 years at all - you made a mistake...everything else you've learned and accomplished is still there...you can use what you've learned to make this a one time slip

You may want to check out our subs forum as well

Suboxone/Methadone Maintenance or Detox - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Tuscani

Hi Yinpigster...I, too, am on Suboxone to help me get off prescribed pain medication. Believe it or not, I never had a problem with pills. The Dr.s just had me on so many that I felt like a Zombie all the time. My addiction was Alcohol, that being stated I knew I was very susceptible to becoming addictited to the pain meds so I never abused them. Nevertheless, being on as much as I was and for how long I was I wanted off all of them against Medical Advice. To my surprise I could not just quit them. i could not stop them without becoming very sick. The Dr's said I wasn't "addicted" only "dependent." Same darn thing in my book. The brain and body don't know the difference. Had I known I would have become dependent (ADDICTED), I never would have taken them! Long story short I could not get of them without Suboxone. I was told (and lied to I feel) that Suboxone wasn't addictive. There would be no withdrawals. Well, I've been on it as long as you have and I'm only on 1/2 milligram, a tiny crumb, and I still can't jump off it! An addictionologist told me in all his years of experience most people are on it for life. I'm just repeating what I was told and going by my own experience of trying to get off it myself. I believe if you are on Suboxone for a VERY short time it can be life-saving. But don't believe it when they say you need to be on it long term as it is addicting and it is hell to try to get off. Anyhow, that has been my experience. I would love to hear from somebody whom has been on it for years and successfully has gotten off it without too many problems. I just noticed their is a forum here for Suboxone and I will check that out as I am new here. Thank you for letting me post my experience and "vent." Best wishes to you, Vin

yinpigster

I guess I am pretty happy with myself. A binge usually goes for anything up to six months and thousands of dollars and/or risking carrying for my dealer for a meisley quarter...
I have still got my job (which i love), my pad and my partner...all these things were at risk a few days ago. I have wanted a tickle for months; I flirted with the idea and imagined the taste in the back of my mouth and then that God given rush that follows...
Well, I got all that for three days straight...I caught up with my old friends (nothing's changed) and quite quickly slipped back into the life of heroin...just like that...
I look back on it now, and particularly after what you folk have written, and I have not stuffed up that much...to hell with time limits, I'm off the gear and i still have my life in tact...especially my partner (who does not know about my omissions), who I love so dearly and would be in a very lonely place without.
OK...so, I went there, yes it was good, it always damn well is, but I'm over it. I still feel the same about it as I did three 1/2 years ago and life does go on. It doesn't bother me if I have to be on Suboxone forever...People say it's poison, but it has saved my life...every day.

Tuscani

I agree with you that it ;is a lifesaver 100%. I just wish the Dr's whom prescribed it to me were more knowledgable about Suboxone. I was told it was NOT addicting. that there would be NO withdrawals and that was the furthest from the truth. Also, being as my problem was/is with alcohol it does nothing to help me with that. I just feel foolish for thinking I could never get dependent/addicted by taking prescription painkillers as prescribed. How naieve I was. It did help me get off those, so that was great. But I have no desire or craving for the pills, only for alcohol which Suboxone, for me, does nothing. So that is a big reason I ant to be off Suboxone. It is very expensive and I no longer need it for its intended purpose. But I need it because my body just won't let it quit. Does that make sense? Anyway, I'm glad it is working for you. That is how it was intended to work and since you don't get a 'high' off it I consider people "sober" whom do take it. It is not mind or mood altering, although some may argue otherwise in which case I would have to suspect they were abusing or misusing it. One good think I can say about it is it is a great pain reliever, works better than all the pain meds they had me on which were a lot! OxyContin, Morphine, Morphine MS, Fentanyl, Percocet. Also, I've suffered from severe depression for almost 25 years and Suboxone works better than any anti depressant I've ever been on, and I have been on many. So, I guess I can see myself being on Sub for life because of tat. I just wish it weren't so darned expensive and wish I had been given the facts before I decided to begin treatment with it. (Also wish it helped with Alcohol. A battle I fight daily).

yinpigster

yes, well, we are blessed in Australia. It's on the PBS and it costs me $35 a week or $5per dose...Australian$$$'s. The help and support here is awesome, not to mention my own support peoples...
This is why I write here today with f*ing shame in my heart...of course and tickle isn't a tickle unless we tickle a few times. I feel like an idiot because it has been far from a tickle...it has been a bloody gram+ a day and then last night i put myself into Precipitated withdrawal and have been in hell for the last 7-8 hours because I fear withdrawal so much, I panicked at the first sight of it and stuck a sub in my mouth...It came on immediately...for me my torso feels like it's on fire...like crackling!!!
I use that word "shame" because as of an hour ago, I didn't have any...why do we as addicts take it in our stride to just lavishly throw caution to the wind and use??? I didn't deserve the PW...but damn, I copped it good. I remember now why I gave this **** up three 1/2 years ago...
I appreciate what everyone has written...Vin, thank you. I have got 32mg of sub in me now, so I gotta go forward...that's it, I really have had enough and I don't care if I am a lifer...at least I'm alive!!!

Meraviglioso

Ugh, that sounds rough, I am so sorry to hear you are continuing with your relapse. You need to do something drastic to pull yourself out now before you go deeper and your partner gets fed up, etc. etc. Can you reach out for some of that great support you mentioned?
I hope you are able to get a grip on this before you fall any deeper.

yinpigster

Yes...I have taken 32mg plus another 8mg through today...I am not continuing with this, even if I have to eat subs every 6 hours, I'll do it to get back on track. I hate what this stuff does to me and I need to keep hating it.
Mind you, I was very close to loosing grip...Not to mention that I would never forgive myself if I lost my partner to this...And I do need to reach out to someone...at this stage this forum is all I have right now.

yinpigster

7:20am - Friday...I have woken with a funny tummy, but have also had 16mg of sub...heading straight forward. I still have this smell coming from me, my wee smells. Slowly but surly, I am getting back to how I was three weeks ago. I'm not just gonna blow this relapse off...but I am walking forward, alone (my partner is studying overseas) and at last...in the light.
I really do appreciate this platform and you folk who have messaged me. And although you are in another part of the world, I can feel your intent and I thank you again.

Soberwolf