InTheEnd

When I was younger, I was a "legend" of some sorts. I could hold my liquor, drink any man under the table, and still wake up the next day coherent and ready to go, whether it be sports, exercise, work, or party on again. I sometimes looked at others who only had one or two, or tried to keep up but got sick or passed out, or just didn't want to party hard like me as no fun, wimps, light weights.....just pretty much a fun sucker. I was the "cool" chick back then, the one most wanted around because I was so "fun and carefree".

As I grew older and still was pounding them down....I watched some of those "fun suckers" in their adult lives. They moved on from the high school, college parties...I did not. They have normal adult lives....I do not. They have intact families, functions, parties, lots of friends, and a future which is secure....I do not.

I guess what prompted this was running into an old friend (though one of those "fun suckers") from my early 20's. She absolutely LOVED the person I was.....she envied me! She said I always had so many friends, and was always so happy. She asked how I was.....I exaggerated a bit about "good" my life has been and she told me about hers. I left feeling quite sad about me. How much time I wasted being wasted. How much "real" life I've missed out on.

Am I a bit jealous? Well.....I'd be lying if I said no.

We all have our own battles to fight and I'm sure these people who I envy from afar are not perfect, but it's sure hard not to see them as "having it all" when I see myself as "wasting it all" sometimes.

Better late than never. Today, I will not drink. Today, I will look forward to being sober and present. I will envision my life sober and I will forgive myself that past which I cannot change no matter how much I obsess over it.

I may be middle aged, but I am not dead.

"I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination"

Thanks for listening and hope you have a happy Weds!

Dee74

I really feel comfortable in my skin now - not as wild as I used to be perhaps, but a better and truer reflection of who I am...

and I still have a lot of fun

D

InTheEnd

Thanks D, I'm looking forward to see who I really am after all these years.

Soberwolf

Alynn

Hugs!

TroyW

I can somewhat relate, albeit a little differently. When I was younger, most people looked up to me, but not for the partying reasons. Business acumen, common sense, good heart, strong work ethic, capable, etc.

Back then, I felt as if I was light years ahead of everyone else my age. Now, it feels like I'm light years behind.

alphaomega

Great post Glory.

I was a quintiscential party girl too. More of a gin slinging guys girl who could drink, smoke, and play cards with the men. I preferred hanging out with guys as they tend to party harder then their delicate flower wives.

Now I realize that was a just my Av trying to convince me that I was cool because I was an alcoholic. Actually I was sad. Pathetic really. When the other wives would call it a night so they could function in the morning, I partied until the sun came up and then spent the next 3 days in bed.

So cool. Mother of The Year status right there. :/

I'm nowhere near a party girl anymore. On most nights, I'm in bed by 9:00 reading SR. Honestly, at 45, not only couldn't I pull it off anymore without serious consequences, but I see other women in my neighborhood desperately hanging on to their youth by their teeth, and it just looks sad. Sad. So sad.

Life on this sober side is so much more fulfilling. In so many ways.

We should start a club or something of Girls Gone Sober lolol !!!

ccam1973

Intheend, it took me 20+ years to get sober. I too wasted so much of my life.

The last 414 days I have been sober. I had one of the best years of my life. Not because anything spectacular happened, but because I was able to enjoy life without being drunk or in an alcohol fog.

Trust me, you won't regret the decision or effort it takes to enjoy your life without drinking. It's worth every bit of energy you put into it.

Stay strong.

fgo

I'm the male version of you.

FreeOwl

I know exactly what you mean....

I felt some of those same things not so long ago.

Creeping up on two years of sobriety at the age of 42, I now understand that my Glory Days are just beginning.

What a convoluted view of 'Glory' I once had.....

2ndhandrose

The people that I drank with were equally amazed and horrified by my capacity for alcohol consumption

So thankful to put distance between that self and the new, improved version!!

Clownbaby

Word. Time for us to get on a path that isn't strait into the bottom of a bottle. Almost all of my friends have professional careers now. We are in our early 30's. I'm still in food service. Afraid to leave the comfort of casual drinking on the clock. I'm 10 days into sobriety now. Making a valiant effort to put my college degree to use!