NeoNew

just looking for some advice,should I cut all contact with my friends they all drink and I think it might be a smart move .

BeanSkillet

At least for a little while, don't hang out with your friends if they are going to be drinking. I've relapsed several times thinking I could hang out with my drinking friends and not drink. It didn't work.

NeoNew

Thanks Bean.. so absolutely no contact for a good while then

ScottFromWI

It's really up to you to decide which of your acquaintences are true friends and which ones are just "drinking buddies". There is a huge difference, but it's pretty easy to tell. Its not to say that you need to become a hermit, but obviously places like bars or drinking parties should be avoided for some time.

NeoNew

Yeah well I think a few month of no contact would be good and I will be able to tell then who is true friends..

Nonsensical

Tell them all you've stopped drinking. The ones you can truly rely upon as friends will quickly make themselves known.

Bird615

You are right. True friends will care about your well-being and be supportive. When I stopped drinking, some friendships just naturally ended: there was no common ground anymore.
Good thinking realizing that some things in your life will need to change so you can stay sober.

NeoNew

I'm afraid there won't be any all they want to do is drink and I don't anymore

Soberwolf

Yeah I dropped a lot ppl who were not friends

DoubleDragons

Take this time to really become friends with yourself. It is the most important relationship that you have in your life. Dianne Von Furstenberg once said that if you have that, any other relationship is a plus and not a must. I am almost two years sober and I only now feel like I am really getting to know my authentic self. I have become much pickier and protective of who I let into my life now and that feels good. Likes attract likes. Healthier me is attracting healthier people in my life and that feels good, too. I also saw a post on SR once that said that they would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies when it comes to friends and that really struck me, too. I tell it to my teenage kids all of the time.

Jsober

Yeah, I had mostly drinking buddies that I thought were friends. I just didn't drink and things worked themselves out. A couple true friends did emerge and that was great.

Debbie329

I avoid all bars.....even for food. And I don't hang around w those who have alcohol problems according to my perspective.......which is just about everybody. My dr just today said to avoid all situations and people who affect my mood negatively.....so just take yourself out of those situations and away from those people and embark on your sober journey to build the life you want.

Jtf7

Yeah it's really crazy how so much of our social lives had revolved around alcohol.

notgonnastoptry

I had to. It is not coming from a place of judgment, at all. I had to cut off the one I had a bender with. Our relationship, while fun, was totally built on drinking together. When we could get together, I'd plant myself there and stay for a few days. This time it was four and I did myself in and had to be hospitalized from the lack of eating/acidosis. I'd give her my CC, she'd drive drunk to the store to replenish our supply.

After my hospitalization, she called me crying, saying she was so sorry this happened on her watch and didn't want us (my husband and I) being angry. I was very firm in saying this was not her fault in any way shape or form. Never mind her attempts to vindicate herself by telling my husband that she and her husband were watering my stuff down and pouring it out. Any self-respecting alcoholic keeps tabs on that stuff. Not true.

I understand her feeling badly. I would, too. But, it wasn't her fault. It's just not someone I can be around for now. She is an alcoholic, has been one for a while and probably topped me. It didn't matter, of course. Though I have no desire to see her (self-preservation, not judgment), I left a message with her a few weeks back, indicating I'd like to see her. I'll be honest, I was just putting that out there as good faith. I'm not keen on seeing her.

She never returned the message. I know her personality. I'm sure she thinks I'm full of myself.

So yeah, that was my only real drinking friend. Other friends, when we'd meet, would drink heartily, but she was my consistent drinking friend. I preferred to drink alone, at my own pace and stare at the computer.

ETA: I think many people might be a lot younger (late thirties here). Between jobs and commitments and family, there wasn't really time to forge great friendship (even built on alcohol) during these drunken days. I did have a close knit group of friends as a youngster, but as an adult, I socialize rarely and I'm not a recluse. My day to day activities haven't changed much except for the no alcohol. My life is almost the same, though. I'm mostly with family and work. I didn't have a tight circle of drinking buddies. I'm sorry for those who lost friends.