Eye opening
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 62
Eye opening
So yesterday myself and my daughter did our intake at counseling to learn how to live with my husband, who has been sober for a week. With my daughter in the room I had to give history, why are you here, etc. When they ask me when I first noticed my daughters anxiety I had to pause. I really have noticed it within the last year or so. She, being so brave, told the counselor that it actually started 2 years ago when my husband almost died from drinking 4 days straight and the ambulance had to come to our house.
As I sat there having to describe the current situation that has finally made me realize that if I don't get my kids some help they will grow up thinking that a drunk parent is normal and they go on to marry one and live the life I'm living, I got so sad. Sad that my kids are already scarred from this. They have irrational fears and they are too young for that. As a mom, the protector, the one who has always been there, I was heartbroken that I did not notice it sooner.
The other thing that I noticed is that when describing these situations that have been happening, to a total stranger, I realized how truly crazy it is. I felt embarrassed. I felt sadness. I felt that I have had blinders on when I really thought I was dealing with it well and could handle it in the right way. It is making me second guess my decision to stay in the marriage. I know that he has been sober for a week, but I feel that I have this weight hanging over me, just waiting to drop. I am grateful for the eye opener. Will see where it goes from here. Has counseling truly helped anyone on this site?
As I sat there having to describe the current situation that has finally made me realize that if I don't get my kids some help they will grow up thinking that a drunk parent is normal and they go on to marry one and live the life I'm living, I got so sad. Sad that my kids are already scarred from this. They have irrational fears and they are too young for that. As a mom, the protector, the one who has always been there, I was heartbroken that I did not notice it sooner.
The other thing that I noticed is that when describing these situations that have been happening, to a total stranger, I realized how truly crazy it is. I felt embarrassed. I felt sadness. I felt that I have had blinders on when I really thought I was dealing with it well and could handle it in the right way. It is making me second guess my decision to stay in the marriage. I know that he has been sober for a week, but I feel that I have this weight hanging over me, just waiting to drop. I am grateful for the eye opener. Will see where it goes from here. Has counseling truly helped anyone on this site?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Counseling has been wonderful for both myself and my children. Counseling got me to where I knew I would be ok no matter what the outcome was. It continues to help my children. Take the time and effort to find the right counselor, prefer someone who specializes in helping families with addiction.
Many hugs to you!
Many hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Healingbegins-
Counseling is the best present I have ever given myself. I am worth it and all that has come out of counseling has allowed me to see how worth it I am.
I am sorry in my case when the bandaid of denial came off it was hard and a relief all at the same time.
Keep realizing how worth it you and your kids are.
Counseling is the best present I have ever given myself. I am worth it and all that has come out of counseling has allowed me to see how worth it I am.
I am sorry in my case when the bandaid of denial came off it was hard and a relief all at the same time.
Keep realizing how worth it you and your kids are.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Absolutely! I have gone to counseling several times in my l ife...when I was trying to work through painful situations.
The thing is....that, sometimes, when you are pulling back the curtains on reality....to let the daylight in....there can be painful realizations....or difficult feedback...or uncomfortable emotions brought to the surface...etc.
There is just no way around that if you want to grow or make any progress.
On the other hand---there is a person whose only objective is to be on your side and concerned for your welfare. It is a safe place to be your authentic self without rejection.
Some days...you will feel results immediately....and some things take a while to see the positive results.
Like most things....it is best to be hopeful and to try your best to have an open mind. It can take a while to build a really trusting relationship...so patience comes in handy.
****The biggest strides that we make are often when we are in great pain. Pain can be a powerful motivation for change. Nobody goes to therapy because they are comfortable...LOL.****
I think you came to some powerful realizations in this session. WOW.
I have heard that alateen will take kids as young as 8yrs. in some groups.
I'm sorry I don't remember your kids' ages....
Have you given that a thought?
dandylion
The thing is....that, sometimes, when you are pulling back the curtains on reality....to let the daylight in....there can be painful realizations....or difficult feedback...or uncomfortable emotions brought to the surface...etc.
There is just no way around that if you want to grow or make any progress.
On the other hand---there is a person whose only objective is to be on your side and concerned for your welfare. It is a safe place to be your authentic self without rejection.
Some days...you will feel results immediately....and some things take a while to see the positive results.
Like most things....it is best to be hopeful and to try your best to have an open mind. It can take a while to build a really trusting relationship...so patience comes in handy.
****The biggest strides that we make are often when we are in great pain. Pain can be a powerful motivation for change. Nobody goes to therapy because they are comfortable...LOL.****
I think you came to some powerful realizations in this session. WOW.
I have heard that alateen will take kids as young as 8yrs. in some groups.
I'm sorry I don't remember your kids' ages....
Have you given that a thought?
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds to me like you made a lot of progress in one session--great job!
I've NEVER been able to clean up a single mess in my life--literal or figurative--until I was able to look at it straight-on.
I've NEVER been able to clean up a single mess in my life--literal or figurative--until I was able to look at it straight-on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 62
Thank you so much everyone for your input. It seems to be a day by day thing. One day I'm doing OK and the next day I'm falling apart. I focus on myself but worry more about my kids. They are 11 and 13. I go to counseling again in 2 weeks and will take your encouragement with me and truly open my mind. I am so glad that I have found this group.
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