letitgo

I have always been closed emotionally. Anyway my communication at home has fallen a part. Sober over a month now and just don't know how to say something that doesn't come off as harsh or hurtful. If anyone has links about open dialogues or advise on open communication in a relationship I am all ears.
I used to just hide everything but the liquid therapy can be no more. I know I have been less patient and more blunt lately. Really been closed down lately.
Thinking its a matter of adaption and reopening the lines but I just don't know where to start.
Thanks for your help

MythOfSisyphus

I would suggest a blunt heart-to-heart with whoever you're trying to communicate with. The first few months of sobriety saw me extremely irritable and prone to lashing out in anger. That's part of the process for many as the brain chemistry adjusts. Let them know what you're going through and see what they have to say.

Dee74

I found making a daily gratitude list really helped me.

It forced me to focus on more than the way I feeling mentally or physically, and it reminded me that, all in all, I had it pretty good

D

Soberwolf

Gratitude lists really help just like D said

I kept my head down in early sobriety there were days i was irritable so i made myself aware of it sometimes i wrote down all my angst just to get it off my chest and on the page but in all reality i was angry at myself for letting it happen

I didnt have a right to be angry at anyone but mysel i had a job to do Staying Sober

I get some days are hard but thats why it great to vent on SR and get some advice and experience from ppl who have been where you are now

Have you tried meditation or reading a recovery based book

There will be better days just remember to think about what your going to say esp if you feel in a foul mood etc and keep logging in here bud

letitgo

Thanks myth, sw ("sweet"according to autocorrect )and dee. I guess I just need to open the lines of communication. Being sober I fell bipolar up and down and all around. It just natural to have feelings all across the board. I will just share those and tell them how grateful to have this person put up with all the bs and still want to listen to me.

FreeOwl

I found individual therapy really helpful as part of recovery. A lot of emotional roller coaster twists were a part of my path.... Meditation, gratitude focus and a therapist who helped me become familiar and comfortable with my emotions were real assets.

Before we can clearly communicate with others, we need to be able to get clear with ourselves.

Have patience, and maybe start simple. Sometimes just saying 'I'm really feeling off-center right now - and I'm not really sure how I communicate about it but I'm working on it' can feel really liberating and open some internal doors.

Upwardspiral

Hi letitgo. A book I would strongly recommend you check out is
Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg. It can help you identify what you're really trying to convey and to find a way to do it that doesn't harm.

letitgo

Great thank you both. Half the battling is figuring what I actually feel/think through this period because it changes so quickly.

letitgo

Caroline Knapp was very correct in saying alcohol froze us from growing up like "normal adults"

Dee74

Gratitude lists are really for you, tom realign your focus away from irritability and negativity.

If the issue is noncommunication, there's really only one way to fix that

D

Ruby2

Hi letitgo,

I was always a clam about my feelings but they'd usually show by my actions. Sullen silence and slamming things. That's not good.

I've found that identifying what it is that I need to talk about first is helpful. then practicing what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it. Not talking about it in the heat of annoyance. I also start thinking about what contribution I've made, if any, to the situation. Picking the right time to talk also makes a difference and I'm slowly starting to learn that.

I believe it's true that our emotional adult growth is stunted when we start drinking. Good luck.

letitgo

Thanks Up I am going to read that one next

Anna

Yes, I agree with that.

There is a lot to learn about communication and other things. The main thing is to remember that the feelings don't control you. You can release them and carry on.

DitzyDandelion

I am going through all the crazy up down left right arghh where am I. Luckily, or unluckily most of the time I am on my own so it's easy to deal with it without effecting others. It's not too hard to slap on a happy face for short periods of time. Thats not really advice huh lol. Just wanted to know I understand how your feeling with your emotions changing so much.

thomas11

Hi letitgo, I can relate, and I agree with Myth that it's part of the process of becoming comfortable in your skin as you are now a new and different person.