where do i go? new to site
Be Free, Give it to God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: westminster, MD
Posts: 13
where do i go? new to site
my son is 18, just found out he is using heroin IV. He is in a 5-day program right now, but they are relasing him friday. They tell me he should go to this halfway house for men 18-25 years of age where he will have to attendin 7 NA meetings a week, hold a job for 40 hours/week, have twice weekly UAs, pay board, live with 9 other addicts who are in recovery, and use a bike for transportation.
Is this a good idea???????????? i cannot afford the NA rehab services as they are like 20,000 dollars. I am a single mom struggling. My son was a good boy, great grades, but he suffers from manic depression. My ex husband was abusive and i left after 23 years when my son was 17. My son has anger management issues, depression issues, substance abuse issues and is quite immature and lives in a fantasy world. I am an enabler and I need to know from ANYONE, is this a good idea to take the advice of the counselors and put him back out in society after only 5 days of rehab??????????
Can he possibly make it???????? without me enabling him? He is in debt up the ying yang, he is on 3 years probation, he has his checking account bounced hundreds of dollars, his car is wrecked, his car insurance is late, he has traffic violations, upcoming court dates with no lawyer and no money to get one, do i really just LET GO??????? at age 18 of him????????
I AM SCARED TO DEATH@!
Is this a good idea???????????? i cannot afford the NA rehab services as they are like 20,000 dollars. I am a single mom struggling. My son was a good boy, great grades, but he suffers from manic depression. My ex husband was abusive and i left after 23 years when my son was 17. My son has anger management issues, depression issues, substance abuse issues and is quite immature and lives in a fantasy world. I am an enabler and I need to know from ANYONE, is this a good idea to take the advice of the counselors and put him back out in society after only 5 days of rehab??????????
Can he possibly make it???????? without me enabling him? He is in debt up the ying yang, he is on 3 years probation, he has his checking account bounced hundreds of dollars, his car is wrecked, his car insurance is late, he has traffic violations, upcoming court dates with no lawyer and no money to get one, do i really just LET GO??????? at age 18 of him????????
I AM SCARED TO DEATH@!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome!
Yes he can make it if he himself is ready. If he's being forced into the situation, and not willing to completly quit, there may be a relapse. It all depends on him, and what he is ready to face. It's an excellent means of getting clean, if one is ready to do the work.
You can find a great deal of support here and in the rooms of Nar-Anon. Please visit our forum here. It is hard watching this happen to our loved ones, very hard, as there is little you can do, but learn to take care of yourself. The counselors will evaluate him and decide if he is ready, and make suggestions to what is in his best interest. A sober living home is a great idea, as he'll learn to manage life on life's terms, with the support of experianced people.
We'll be praying for you!
Yes he can make it if he himself is ready. If he's being forced into the situation, and not willing to completly quit, there may be a relapse. It all depends on him, and what he is ready to face. It's an excellent means of getting clean, if one is ready to do the work.
You can find a great deal of support here and in the rooms of Nar-Anon. Please visit our forum here. It is hard watching this happen to our loved ones, very hard, as there is little you can do, but learn to take care of yourself. The counselors will evaluate him and decide if he is ready, and make suggestions to what is in his best interest. A sober living home is a great idea, as he'll learn to manage life on life's terms, with the support of experianced people.
We'll be praying for you!
A little south of sane
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: "For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe."
Posts: 177
hi Zen,
My son is 26 years old and fighting an addiction to heroin.
It sounds to me as if the five day program for your son is the 'detox'. I would strongly suggest some other sort of rehab to follow immediately afterwards. I like the sound of that halfway house and that other people his own age will also be there. Working and going to meetings will help keep him busy and focused. Even riding his bike is good for him.
It was when I finally realized that Michael would never recover as long as I took care of him, cleaned up his bills, paid his court fees,etc., that I was able to stop being so darn helpful, and guess what happened? My son is now over 90 days clean for the first time.
It's not a matter of 'letting go' of him. He will always be your son. It's a matter of loving him enough to say No to his drug chaos, his addiction, you can't control it, you can't fix it, he has to do it himself.
The hardest thing in my life I've ever done, was tell Michael he could not come home, that he had to go get help. It was also the most loving thing I've ever done.
Welcome to SoberRecovery, you have found a wonderful place. There are many parents facing the same choices you are here.
hugs from one mom to another
sigh
My son is 26 years old and fighting an addiction to heroin.
It sounds to me as if the five day program for your son is the 'detox'. I would strongly suggest some other sort of rehab to follow immediately afterwards. I like the sound of that halfway house and that other people his own age will also be there. Working and going to meetings will help keep him busy and focused. Even riding his bike is good for him.
It was when I finally realized that Michael would never recover as long as I took care of him, cleaned up his bills, paid his court fees,etc., that I was able to stop being so darn helpful, and guess what happened? My son is now over 90 days clean for the first time.
It's not a matter of 'letting go' of him. He will always be your son. It's a matter of loving him enough to say No to his drug chaos, his addiction, you can't control it, you can't fix it, he has to do it himself.
The hardest thing in my life I've ever done, was tell Michael he could not come home, that he had to go get help. It was also the most loving thing I've ever done.
Welcome to SoberRecovery, you have found a wonderful place. There are many parents facing the same choices you are here.
hugs from one mom to another
sigh
Be Free, Give it to God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: westminster, MD
Posts: 13
Thank you for your replies.
thank you for welcoming me also.
Congrats on your son's 90 days. THat is AMAZING. GOd Bless and I hope he keeps going. what a blessing!
pam
Congrats on your son's 90 days. THat is AMAZING. GOd Bless and I hope he keeps going. what a blessing!
pam
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Zen
Just wanted to welcome you and let you know that you found a special place to learn and share about your son's addiction.
My name is Kel and I am an alcoholic that is grateful to be sober today.
Just wanted to welcome you and let you know that you found a special place to learn and share about your son's addiction.
My name is Kel and I am an alcoholic that is grateful to be sober today.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi Zen,
The halfway house sounds like a great idea to me. In fact, a year ago, my son was moved to a halfway house after rehab, but unfortunately, he didn't stay.
They will encourage him to go to meetings, get a job, plenty of good stuff to keep him busy, and work on his recovery.
So, let him go, and start working on YOU.
I have 2 sons who are addicts, one in rehab, (court ordered) the other is currently using. They both have bills, and court dates, and all that good stuff also.
I have...in the past helped them pay their rent, their bills, their fines, bonded them out of jail, you name it, I've done it.
Now, I let them take on responsiblity for their own actions.
It's helping them, and heaven knows, it's helping me.
hugs and prayers coming your way...
Glad you found us.
P.S. Feel free to post on the nar-anon forum, and the friends and family forum....
The halfway house sounds like a great idea to me. In fact, a year ago, my son was moved to a halfway house after rehab, but unfortunately, he didn't stay.
They will encourage him to go to meetings, get a job, plenty of good stuff to keep him busy, and work on his recovery.
So, let him go, and start working on YOU.
I have 2 sons who are addicts, one in rehab, (court ordered) the other is currently using. They both have bills, and court dates, and all that good stuff also.
I have...in the past helped them pay their rent, their bills, their fines, bonded them out of jail, you name it, I've done it.
Now, I let them take on responsiblity for their own actions.
It's helping them, and heaven knows, it's helping me.
hugs and prayers coming your way...
Glad you found us.
P.S. Feel free to post on the nar-anon forum, and the friends and family forum....
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi Pam,
Welcome. There is a lot of great people in NA meetings with a lot of wisdom on how to handle being clean and sober. You can only do what you can do. I don't have a lot of experience with treatment, but the Salvation Army has programs that I have heard wonderful things about. If your son wants to get clean, there is a lot of love and support and experience for him. It isn't easy.
The best thing I have found is to get involved with family recovery. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are wonderful support for families dealing with addiction. You don't have to do it alone. Moosey made a great suggestion to join us on the Nar-anon and Friends and Families forums. There are a lot of people going through similar situations and a lot of good information and experience there. Hugs, Magic
Welcome. There is a lot of great people in NA meetings with a lot of wisdom on how to handle being clean and sober. You can only do what you can do. I don't have a lot of experience with treatment, but the Salvation Army has programs that I have heard wonderful things about. If your son wants to get clean, there is a lot of love and support and experience for him. It isn't easy.
The best thing I have found is to get involved with family recovery. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are wonderful support for families dealing with addiction. You don't have to do it alone. Moosey made a great suggestion to join us on the Nar-anon and Friends and Families forums. There are a lot of people going through similar situations and a lot of good information and experience there. Hugs, Magic
Be Free, Give it to God
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: westminster, MD
Posts: 13
To MagicHappens
im confused, because there are so many boards here.
Please post the direct link the Families board you are referring to for me to post about families who have addicts.
Thanks to you.
Please post the direct link the Families board you are referring to for me to post about families who have addicts.
Thanks to you.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Nar-Anon is for families of addicts. Friends and Families of Alcoholics is for friends and families of alcoholics. Adult Children of Alcoholics is for adult children. RAPPS is for discussion of family recovery and parenting.
Don't let it confuse you. I think the private message link will help you with an overview of the forums.
Don't let it confuse you. I think the private message link will help you with an overview of the forums.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 184
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