Good Will Hunting
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Good Will Hunting
This is totally random-and a 1000 foot view of the situation but after knowing someone so intimately for so long, I feel the need to share.
After watching this movie a very long time ago I recall thinking my then boyfriend was exactly like Matt Damon-brilliant, extremely hard working, insecure, wounded, romantic, didn't care what others thought of him, etc etc. Said boyfriend became my love and my husband. He was just a deeply wounded soul-something in his childhood is keeping him stuck. He was a ball of anger when I met him and is still the same, if not worse-projecting stuff on me that should be directed elsewhere and to others he can't or won't confront. He's always done that. Started right after I became his wife and still hasn't stopped.
I recall one night a couple of years ago he was crying about his dad dying and other strange things (he would get very weird when drunk at tines) and I remember telling him the only words God gave me at that time-"it's not your fault. Whatever happened to you is not your fault". He needs a Robin Williams in his life to cut through his arrogant brovado as that is not really him. As for me? Well, I surely was his Minnie Driver-as he said, beautiful, rich (trust fund baby) and highly motivated-he always told me I was too good for him. (Until the last few years when I became worthless and worthy of abuse). I have thought back so many nights sometimes wishing I would have left the first time he said he didn't love me when he was drunk (right after our wedding). I wish I had the courage then but I wouldn't be here now abd I wouldn't have had some of the greatest moments of my life with that man. I truly hope he gets help and forgives himself, for whatever happened to him. I know for me I did not start getting better, seriously better, until I did the inner child work and forgave myself for all the things I had gone through as a child-as I carried that blame on myself for almost 33 years. God had forgiven me all along-I just didn't forgive myself, for anything. Happy to be in a better place.
Growing up in an alcoholic violent family is just awful. I've dealt with so much and have grown but it starts when we forgive ourselves. And be good to ourselves. And treat ourselves gently and with the respect we deserve.
I think after going through everything and not missing him anymore abd harboring any more anger I've reached the compassion stage-not that any ANY of his actions are excused-but I do feel for him. He's still fighting the same battle he was in his childhood. Sad. I know without a doubt Jesus can heal-and I hope He heals my ex. I pray for this.
Don't know if this makes any sense. Just wanted to share my analysis (Codie much?!?) of my former life partner. I do pray for healing for all of us tonight-to forgive ourselves and really live.
After watching this movie a very long time ago I recall thinking my then boyfriend was exactly like Matt Damon-brilliant, extremely hard working, insecure, wounded, romantic, didn't care what others thought of him, etc etc. Said boyfriend became my love and my husband. He was just a deeply wounded soul-something in his childhood is keeping him stuck. He was a ball of anger when I met him and is still the same, if not worse-projecting stuff on me that should be directed elsewhere and to others he can't or won't confront. He's always done that. Started right after I became his wife and still hasn't stopped.
I recall one night a couple of years ago he was crying about his dad dying and other strange things (he would get very weird when drunk at tines) and I remember telling him the only words God gave me at that time-"it's not your fault. Whatever happened to you is not your fault". He needs a Robin Williams in his life to cut through his arrogant brovado as that is not really him. As for me? Well, I surely was his Minnie Driver-as he said, beautiful, rich (trust fund baby) and highly motivated-he always told me I was too good for him. (Until the last few years when I became worthless and worthy of abuse). I have thought back so many nights sometimes wishing I would have left the first time he said he didn't love me when he was drunk (right after our wedding). I wish I had the courage then but I wouldn't be here now abd I wouldn't have had some of the greatest moments of my life with that man. I truly hope he gets help and forgives himself, for whatever happened to him. I know for me I did not start getting better, seriously better, until I did the inner child work and forgave myself for all the things I had gone through as a child-as I carried that blame on myself for almost 33 years. God had forgiven me all along-I just didn't forgive myself, for anything. Happy to be in a better place.
Growing up in an alcoholic violent family is just awful. I've dealt with so much and have grown but it starts when we forgive ourselves. And be good to ourselves. And treat ourselves gently and with the respect we deserve.
I think after going through everything and not missing him anymore abd harboring any more anger I've reached the compassion stage-not that any ANY of his actions are excused-but I do feel for him. He's still fighting the same battle he was in his childhood. Sad. I know without a doubt Jesus can heal-and I hope He heals my ex. I pray for this.
Don't know if this makes any sense. Just wanted to share my analysis (Codie much?!?) of my former life partner. I do pray for healing for all of us tonight-to forgive ourselves and really live.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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You know, I saw that movie many years ago too and while I enjoyed it I thought the premise of this brilliant young man being a thug was dumb. I no longer think that. Intelligence, upbringing, money, any advantage - none of them are a guarantee against the emotional/mental sickness that results in becoming a thug. Or an alcoholic. It really is "there but for the grace of God go I".
I truly believe God heals, also. Thanks for sharing your story and your faith.
I truly believe God heals, also. Thanks for sharing your story and your faith.
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Forourgirls....part of the grieving process seems to be the "going back over" or ruminating over the entire territory of the marriage. Reviewing and re-looking at it all again.....a sort of "getting an angle" on it all. "Yes, that it what it was" Yes, that is what it was like".
It is well known that people who have been widowed or widowered have a need to talk about the departed love. And...should definitely do so. It helps them so much if they have understanding friends who are willing to listen to them share....
No different with a broken romantic relationship....I think.
The trick is to know who and where to do it. AND---to have someone, anywhere, to do it with.
I know that in some places, it is recommended that those suffering the grief of a lost relationship join grief support groups for this very purpose. People can cry together, share memories together, and also share their life affirming strengths with each other.
LOL.....I can remember going to a social function (for a community activity---not a dating situation). Several people had gathered at my table. I was wearing my wedding band and someone asked me a question about my husband. I told them that my husband had passed five weeks ago (suddenly)---and you could actually "feel" the ripple of tension throughout the table. One man practically "ran" from the table...and, within a few minutes. the rest had drifted away.....
My point is nothing more than to comment that this sort of sharing the review of memories is important to do. Lots of people come here to "vent"---same sort of thing---- . I think it is natural and healing. (it scares the hell out of some people, though...lol). They don't know how to respond to other peoples' painful experiences.
dandylion
It is well known that people who have been widowed or widowered have a need to talk about the departed love. And...should definitely do so. It helps them so much if they have understanding friends who are willing to listen to them share....
No different with a broken romantic relationship....I think.
The trick is to know who and where to do it. AND---to have someone, anywhere, to do it with.
I know that in some places, it is recommended that those suffering the grief of a lost relationship join grief support groups for this very purpose. People can cry together, share memories together, and also share their life affirming strengths with each other.
LOL.....I can remember going to a social function (for a community activity---not a dating situation). Several people had gathered at my table. I was wearing my wedding band and someone asked me a question about my husband. I told them that my husband had passed five weeks ago (suddenly)---and you could actually "feel" the ripple of tension throughout the table. One man practically "ran" from the table...and, within a few minutes. the rest had drifted away.....
My point is nothing more than to comment that this sort of sharing the review of memories is important to do. Lots of people come here to "vent"---same sort of thing---- . I think it is natural and healing. (it scares the hell out of some people, though...lol). They don't know how to respond to other peoples' painful experiences.
dandylion
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@ dandy-very true. I come here to share, I have good friends that have helped and listened to me cry and vent, and I'm very much looking forward to Divorce Care with a local church starting in a few weeks-12 week Christ based program to those having gone through a divorce. Sometimes we need to put a name on it to make it fit-I know I've been guilty if that. He was him and I was me. Simple as that.
Thanks for your response! Sorry for the memory of losing your husband-I'm sure that was painful. Peace
Thanks for your response! Sorry for the memory of losing your husband-I'm sure that was painful. Peace
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...none of them are a guarantee against the emotional/mental sickness that results in becoming a thug. Or an alcoholic. It really is "there but for the grace of God go I".
Good Will Hunting was a good movie. I loved it when I was a teenager. I LOVE me some Elliott Smith. But watching it now as an adult, Will is just a messed up kid from a messed up background. He's emotionally immature, highly reactive, emotionally unavailable, defensive, and verbally abusive. We get to see the fairy tale of a breakthrough moment with a beloved counselor and him take off to find his girl, which is romantic, yes. But if we "play the tape through to the end," many of us have enough experience with emotionally immature, highly reactive, emotionally unavailable, defensive, and verbally abusive people to know that making grand gestures to win us over last just about long enough to hook us in for the abuse to start all over again.
Real life changes are painful, time-intensive, and include a lot of false starts, and most people who take on major life changes like unlearning everything we once knew and taking on an entirely new values system, struggle and fail.
And as a coda, like I said above, I LOVE Elliott Smith, the songwriter on Good Will Hunting. He was an addict with a debilitating addiction to alcohol, crack, and heroin and literally stabbed himself to death after a period of sobriety. I listen to his music still, but the man's story makes me so sad I feel sick to my stomach. Addiction is hell, there are no easy outs.
Elliott Smith: ?Mr. Misery? Revisited, 10 Years After the Singer-Songwriter?s Controversial Death | SPIN
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Yep! That description fits my ex like a glove :emotionally immature, highly reactive, emotionally unavailable, defensive and verbally abusive. I did not make him that way-that's just who he is. I will take a gander at the link you sent-very interesting...I was unaware of that. Yes-i guess my whole point of the post was just to say that I've known the true him-have seen it-and pray for him to find healing; that's all.
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Ha! Not really funny but that's ^^ how I was when drinking-I was, at times, out if control and a pain in the a$$. Thankful to be sober, seriously. I didn't like who I was and made poor decisions when I drank. Anyway, thanks for the responses. Thankful to be on this site and get such valuable feedback.
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Funny, I was just thinking of this movie earlier, then came here and found this thread. I LOVED it as a teenager. It was my favorite movie for a long time.
Now when I think of it as an adult, with ample experience with an emotionally unstable, "damaged" man with various issues/addictions, I don't feel like Minnie Driver is getting any great prize at the end. Instead of taking him back, let's hope she concentrated on law school and told him to take a hike.
I shudder to think this fictional tale had an impact on my relationships with the emotionally unavailable, but I definitely found the fairy tale ending to be so, so charming at the time. Ugh.
Now when I think of it as an adult, with ample experience with an emotionally unstable, "damaged" man with various issues/addictions, I don't feel like Minnie Driver is getting any great prize at the end. Instead of taking him back, let's hope she concentrated on law school and told him to take a hike.
I shudder to think this fictional tale had an impact on my relationships with the emotionally unavailable, but I definitely found the fairy tale ending to be so, so charming at the time. Ugh.
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