Serenity85

After a two day bender of vodka, mio and water, I am ready to start over... Again. Sigh. I have no idea if I will ever be able to beat this disease. I have tried so many times to quit and fail terribly. The cycle is terrible. I get drunk, wake up, feel like I want to runaway or die because I can't handle this lifestyle anymore. My husband is an enabler. He drinks. He loves drinking. So instead of bed ng strong for me, he makes it very easy to fall off the waggon. I am currently on celexa, adavan, and remron and drinking is absolutely making my medications ineffective. Sigh. I just feel like I drowning. How do I do this.without my husband? And when I come out of this with a clear mind and sober, what happens if I realize I can't be with him? I scared of who I will become with no alcohol.

least

It's difficult to stop drinking when your partner still does, but it's possible. What will you do differently now to stay sober?

Serenity85

I don't know. I am at a loss. I feel Like drowning and I need someone or something to bring me back.

biminiblue

Have you ever tried AA? How about therapy? There is a lot of help out there, if you seek it.

You can do this with or without your husband becoming sober too. It is your life. Do that which is good for you. One day at a time, if I worried about "what ifs" I wouldn't have the strength to get out of bed each morning.

I live in today, and face each problem as it comes. Stopping drinking was the most important one and I made that nonnegotiable.

doggonecarl

You said almost the same thing a year ago in a post about another quit attempt. You are scared of change. Understandable. Scared of the unknown, of sobriety. Understandable.

But can you not understand your drinking is making you miserable?

Time to change, despite your fears. For long time strugglers, I suggest face-to-face support, like AA, because doing this on your own isn't working.

cassidy33

I'm not going to lie. It will be difficult maintaining sobriety while your husband is drinking around you. Is there anyway you could go to rehab for like 30-90 days? You may be surprised that your insurance will cover it and your job will not know. You just have a doctor give you a note putting you on medical leave. It is illegal for your employer to fill your position when you're out on medical leave. That can give you some space from your husband to get some sobriety under your belt.

I also highly recommend AA. I don't know anyone that got sober alone. For me, alcohol was my best friend, so giving that up, I needed to fill the void with sober friends. Women's AA meetings are great to find instant AA support. They really reach out and support other women even in their first sober days.

Serenity85

I have definitely considered rehab, but I don't think there are any places around here. My husband is also Military and we have three children. I don't know how to go about getting into rehab.
I will for sure be looking into AA meetings in the area.

biminiblue

You can go online to AA's website. There are phone numbers for your local area. Call that number and someone will help you find a womens' meeting. I would recommend going to a womens' meeting for your first meeting - you'll be glad you did.

Some offer free child care, too. Ask about that. I went to a womens' meeting that had child care or that allowed smaller children to sit quietly in the meetings. If you need a ride, someone can pick you up and go with you. They want to help. It's free, (they only request a $1 donation) and it will help you save your life.

Quirky

Serenity, my heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to quit, and even harder when your spouse continues to drink. And, I know it is not always easy to go to rehab when you are responsible for children.
Maybe, AA would be a good fit for you. Reach out Honey, there is help out there, you just have to find the right fit.
We are here for you with support and we understand what you are experiencing.
Please stay with us and read and post often, it has really helped me to do that.
I am only 4 weeks sober today, so sort of a newbie here myself, but I have found the people of SR to be so caring. You can do this...one hour, one day at a time.
Best wishes..

ScottFromWI

Drinking that volume of alcohol with that combination of meds is also quite dangerous. I would suggest speaking with the doctor or therapist that prescribed all of those meds and being very candid about your drinking. They should have plenty of information about any rehab or counseling that is available in your area. You can also call the AA hotline and they can share resources in your area too. Pretty much anywhere there is civilization AA and some form of rehab are available.

Serenity85

I am just so tired. I am drained. I feel at a loss. I feel like I want to disappear and come back a new healthy beautiful person. I am having a very down day today. My husband is upstairs sleeping off his hangover and I am downstairs having slight anxiety attacks. This is how we live every day and I can't do this anymore.
I will look into AA and rehab facilities. Thank you for the advice.

zjw

slight anxiety today turns into much worse down the road. You have to kinda put the blinders on about whatever his behavior is and just focus on yours and move forward. Thats the best I can figure. In my case it was me that wanted and needed to quit I couldnt spend time worrying about what my wife was doing or not doing in terms of helping or not helping me etc.. Hopefully in time he'll come around.

There is life on the other side of this with any luck you will still love your husband etc.. and things will progress forward in a healthy happy way.

You cant give on trying to quit either becuase sooner or later it sticks.

Anna

So you can change things. You don't need your husband's support, though it would be nice, it's not necessary. I hope you can find a way to take action and stop drinking. I know it's terribly scary, but like you, I couldn't keep doing what I was doing.

hopeful1967

Hello Serenity85, I feel exactly like you do. Reading your post was like reading my journal I keep at home. I do really good for 8-10 days. In those days I sleep better, eat better, laugh more and feel so much better overall. Like I can take on the world. In my mind I think will never drink again. Then it happens and I wake up shaky, sweaty, feeling sick, but most of all feeling disgusted with myself for drinking. Then I start with the mental abuse. Telling myself I am worthless. Asking myself if I can go on like this. It is a very vicious cycle. I too want to run away and never look back. But I don't want to leave my wonderful family. It is the alcohol I am running from. I know I have to change. I can't go on like this. This isn't living, it is surviving. I drank last night and woke up today sick. I HAVE to go to an AA meeting and get a sponsor. I cannot do this on my own. Logging into this site lets me see that I am not alone. I know I can beat this, or at least I will go down fighting. Never give up. We can do this!!!!
Remember...we were blessed with a new day, so make it count. Day 1

hopeful1967

I forgot to mention, my husband drinks everyday as well. So I know what a challenge it can be. I make him keep all the alcohol outside in the refrigerator so I don't have to see it. That does help.

jryan19982

Not having the support of a significant other makes it harder. But you will feel that much more accomplished once you do figure this all out.

Have you been to a meeting before?

thomas11

you usaid " I am scared of who I will become with no alcohol."

You may want to gaze into the future and see who you will become with alcohol. Just a thought.

Dee74

Welcome back Serenity )

Lots of great advice here.

Everyones cscraed of who they might be sober - it's a fear that keeps a lot of us drinking...

I drank for so long I forgot who the real me was. One of the great parts of my recovery was rediscovering that guy.

The only person you're going to find is you Serenity...why not make that leap of faith?

D