thomas11

4th of July also happens to be my father's birthday, today he is 72. None of us know how many he has left. Family tradition dictates we get together and cook/grill his favorite meal, few cocktails, some sports on TV and fireworks from the deck...or whatever. My mother and my wife get into a brawl over an issue that has been just below the surface for some time now. My wife had had enough with my mom's BS, things got heated, my mom blew a gasket, my wife refused to back down, told me "let's go". From the time we walked through the door until we were back in the truck....bout 20 minutes. Unbelievable.

Dee74

I'm sorry about the family drama Jeff.

D

suki44883

I'm sorry about all the drama, but just think...none of it was caused by you!

thomas11

That was the beautiful part. No one could blame it one "Jeff's drinking". Ha!

biminiblue

Yup. Even better, you can see that family drama isn't even about you - such a relief to me when I realized crazy would go on and I could just step back.

ScottFromWI

Glad you handled it well. Hope you can spend some time with your father later on when things cool off.

thomas11

I've got nothing going on so I'll try to explain and make it as short as possible. Read at your own risk, its boring.

My parents (particularly my mother) strongly favors my younger brother and his family over me and my wife. Always has. We don't have kids, we have had a couple wonderful dogs. Our dog is not allowed to either my parents house or my brothers house. My mom claims to be allergic to dogs, my brother doesn't want him making paw prints on his pool deck (he has 10 acres of land yet we can't bring our dog there). We accept it, but think its BS. My brother (the golden child) bought a dog 2 weeks ago. Him and his family decide its more important to go boating with friends than to attend what could be our father's last birthday. So my wife and I arrive at my parents house and what is my mother holding when she answers the door? THEIR DOG. Ya know, the type she is supposedly allergic to? That's not allowed in their house. Tonight's incident was preceded by an incident a couple years ago with my brother. We had to leave our beloved golden retriever at home because they don't want him to mess up their pool deck with his paw prints (like I mentioned, they have 10 acres of land). While we are grilling burgers some friends of theirs arrive with their dog. And then their friends left, and their dog stayed. I asked my brother why they left their dog. He told me they were dog sitting it for the weekend. So, me being the brother, is not allowed to bring my dog out there, but some friends, they offer to dog sit for them? So my wife an I feel like they think we are just pieces of sh*t and don't matter.

Its similar to the time that we were all going out to eat for something, and my brother couldn't make it, so my mom just cancelled the whole thing. So my wife told her we felt kind of hurt. Just because my brother couldn't make it, you cancelled? What about us? We were planning on it, but I guess we aren't important enough. If it was the other way around and I couldn't make it, I gosh damn gaurantee you they still would have went out to eat. Like I said, its just family drama.
Regarding tonight, I gotta give my wife credit, she stood her ground and my mother is NOT used to that, and needless to say didn't handle it well. Nobody confronts my mom and gets away with it....until tonight.

Hope2014

Wow, that sounds rotten. Good for your wife. Maybe stay away for a while. You don't need the drama with all that you are managing. I have the "golden" younger brother too. It's hurtful, but I finally stopped giving it so much of my attention, especially now that I'm sober. I don't want any more chaos, and if I want trouble all I have to do is look for it. Unfortunately we can't chose our family. It sounds like your wife is on your side, keep nurturing that relationship instead.

OnMyWay7

Ok. I would have blown up a bit too. I'm glad you have her on your side. I hope you got to go out to a nice dinner. And I hate drama also

doggonecarl

You see the term "change" mentioned a lot in regard to recovery, in regards to correcting the ills of one's life. Family Tradition is one of those areas where change can be applied.

You can end this crazy dance today.

Della1968

I probably would have reacted the same as your wife did. Glad you stayed sober.

PurpleKnight

Sorry to hear of all the drama Jeff!! Glad you made it through!!

Soberpotamus

Jeff, sorry to hear about your family drama. I can relate well to the dog issue. For years, my Dad made the excuse of having cat allergies in order to passively back out of visiting my new home. After I married my husband, a conversation involving my Dad coming up to visit and helping out with installing some wood flooring brought up the whole cat thing again. He seemed eager to help us, and then I reminded him about the allergies, wondering how he was going deal with it. He brushed it off saying, oh, I'll just take some meds. No problems.

Why wasn't it good enough for him when I was single? Was it the drinking? Was it the cats? Or is he just a passive a$$hole who's always looked for a way out with excuses galore since I can remember? Yeah. It's the latter. Lol.

So, now that I have four cats, two dogs, and a husband ... and I'm stone cold sober, I haven't heard from him in over a year. Not one single phone call. And I made the last phone call to him, which he interrupted mid-call to inform me he had arrived at his destination and needed to go. Not a peep from him since.

People will justify whatever they want. Trust me, I know how it goes My Dad is the King of excuses and justifications.

So, I plan to replace the floors myself, without the help of my Dad, the Builder. He is a friggin' Builder by profession, and still hasn't visited the home I bought over seven years ago.

silentrun

Good for your wife. Don't play that crazy making game. My mom does the same thing with my little brother. He is the Golden Child. I am the parent/scapegoat and my other brother is just a straight scapegoat. Both myself and my Golden Child little brother know what she is doing and see past it. My scapegoat brother still doesn't realize she is the one that assigned us the roles and still believes there is something wrong with him. My mom shunned me and knocked me out of play so now she is going after the GC wife who used to be the most fabulous woman alive because she was married to my brother.
I don't think our mom's have a clue as to what they are doing. My GC SIL quit waitressing when she was pregnant. My mom told me I didn't understand how hard waitressing was while pregnant. I waitressed full time between 1987-1998 and my daughter was born in 96. My mom never worked so I don't know where she got her experience from anyway.

I am sorry your brother is playing along with her. Here is a great link.
Golden child and scapegoat - daughters of narcissistic mothers

thomas11

Hey, so to anyone who read this post yesterday or today, HERE'S A SURPRISE FOR YOU. Father comes over this morning to apologize for his wife (who happens to be my mother), and notifies me she had been into the Bloody Mary's since mid afternoon. Now there's a shocker, alcohol contributed to something that was completely unnecessary and borderline psychotic. Even my father said he doesn't recall her coming that unhinged in a LONG time. She even physically grabbed my wife, I told him that if she would have done it again, I would have stepped in and his comment was "I think we would have reached her at about the same time" so he was completely on board with defending/protecting my wife, not his. I love my dad.