If I was drinking...I'd be really drunk right now.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
If I was drinking...I'd be really drunk right now.
If I was drinking, I'd be drunk...until Monday. I need to vent to the SR family. I lead a simple life. I have my marriage, business, family and a few friends. That's it. The way I run the business is that I need a crew lead or foreman and then simply laborers. I lost a guy I had for 4 years this spring due to a hernia (not work related). By a stroke of luck I found a replacement who was exceptionally talented. He left for a higher paying job. He deserved it, he was good. By a 2nd stroke of luck, my wife's cousin was going to take the summer off while his wife was in nursing school. He is/was high up in the art supply business and was going to take the summer off. He decided he would be interested in making a little extra money through the summer so he said he'd help me out. So I got lucky a 3rd time. His biggest asset is that he is very responsible. This morning he notifies me that he got an offer he cannot turn down, I have 2 weeks to replace yet another leader. I lost 2 guys to alcohol problems, had a guy work for one day, and was off to greener pastures (or so he thinks). Therefore I will be training in a 3rd (or 4th, I've lost count) set of employees with my two broken legs. A formidable task.
Problem #2, my normal doctor is the one who is now responsible for my pain prescriptions. So far, I've seen her twice and she writes me a prescription and then wants me to make an appt to see her in 2 weeks, or in the recent case, 1 week. The problem is that she is so busy, I can not get into to see her when she requested. For example, she wants to see me in a week, but her first opening may be in 12 days. Therefore, my prescription runs out before I can see her to get it refilled. These are narcotics so the pharmacy can't do anything. It must come from the physician. You don't need to be a math major to see this does not workout. I don't blame her she has hundreds of patients. At the same time, I don't feel I should have to suffer. I have legitimate pain. She also has mentioned tapering, but I am about to enter the most painful portion of my rehab, they are starting to bend my legs. So what do I do?
#3 I'm having sleep issues and I don't know what is the root cause, but its messing me up. Hot flashes, wake up extremely early and I just can't lay in bed with these damn braces on. Do I wait to see if it goes away?
#4. My a$$hole brother. I have to own a fair amount of equipment for our lawn care stuff. I'm sure you know what a weed "whacker" is. The thing you use to trim around trees etc... I have 3 but 1 is being repaired. I ask my brother this morning via text if I can use his for today. He says "don't ask me to borrow my stuff to run your business". To give you some perspective, I have let him borrow my Bobcat ($22K piece of equipment) to work around his property several times and even delivered it to him as he does not own anything that can tow it. I've never said no to him using anything I own. And he won't let me use a fricking weed trimmer for 1 day? As you can imagine, we don't get along well and this is how my day started.
My stress level is maxed out and my anger level is very high.
I prefer to end this on a better note. I got 3 more projects today which will fill our schedule until end of August, that is good news. My rehabilitation is going about as good as can be expected. But its obvious I have a long way to go.
Lastly, I am happy to say that I have not had any alcohol for 37 days. And its a good thing, because if I was drinking, I'd be drunk as hell. Feels good to get this off my chest. If I'm not seeing this clearly, please tell me.
Problem #2, my normal doctor is the one who is now responsible for my pain prescriptions. So far, I've seen her twice and she writes me a prescription and then wants me to make an appt to see her in 2 weeks, or in the recent case, 1 week. The problem is that she is so busy, I can not get into to see her when she requested. For example, she wants to see me in a week, but her first opening may be in 12 days. Therefore, my prescription runs out before I can see her to get it refilled. These are narcotics so the pharmacy can't do anything. It must come from the physician. You don't need to be a math major to see this does not workout. I don't blame her she has hundreds of patients. At the same time, I don't feel I should have to suffer. I have legitimate pain. She also has mentioned tapering, but I am about to enter the most painful portion of my rehab, they are starting to bend my legs. So what do I do?
#3 I'm having sleep issues and I don't know what is the root cause, but its messing me up. Hot flashes, wake up extremely early and I just can't lay in bed with these damn braces on. Do I wait to see if it goes away?
#4. My a$$hole brother. I have to own a fair amount of equipment for our lawn care stuff. I'm sure you know what a weed "whacker" is. The thing you use to trim around trees etc... I have 3 but 1 is being repaired. I ask my brother this morning via text if I can use his for today. He says "don't ask me to borrow my stuff to run your business". To give you some perspective, I have let him borrow my Bobcat ($22K piece of equipment) to work around his property several times and even delivered it to him as he does not own anything that can tow it. I've never said no to him using anything I own. And he won't let me use a fricking weed trimmer for 1 day? As you can imagine, we don't get along well and this is how my day started.
My stress level is maxed out and my anger level is very high.
I prefer to end this on a better note. I got 3 more projects today which will fill our schedule until end of August, that is good news. My rehabilitation is going about as good as can be expected. But its obvious I have a long way to go.
Lastly, I am happy to say that I have not had any alcohol for 37 days. And its a good thing, because if I was drinking, I'd be drunk as hell. Feels good to get this off my chest. If I'm not seeing this clearly, please tell me.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Okay, one thing at a time. Baby steps.
I'm sure you'll find a replacement guy - all business owners have this problem and you'll work through it.
The pain meds can be called in from your doc's office since your appointment will be coming up - they can work this out. Just call the doctor's number and explain your situation and they can call the pharmacy. #3 though - may be caused by the opiates. You're an addict of alcohol, so I'm pretty sure you're going to be having increased tolerance and withdrawals from opiates. Just part of the seriousness of your injury. I know there are non-opiate pain meds that are strong that may be a viable substitute - but I guess that's another thing to talk about with your doctor.
Your brother you can't change. Buy a new weed-whacker and be done with that problem. That's pretty minor in the scheme of things. I wouldn't add that one to your list of things to worry about.
I can imagine this injury is really starting to wear on you. ((hugs)) - This Too Shall Pass.
I'm sure you'll find a replacement guy - all business owners have this problem and you'll work through it.
The pain meds can be called in from your doc's office since your appointment will be coming up - they can work this out. Just call the doctor's number and explain your situation and they can call the pharmacy. #3 though - may be caused by the opiates. You're an addict of alcohol, so I'm pretty sure you're going to be having increased tolerance and withdrawals from opiates. Just part of the seriousness of your injury. I know there are non-opiate pain meds that are strong that may be a viable substitute - but I guess that's another thing to talk about with your doctor.
Your brother you can't change. Buy a new weed-whacker and be done with that problem. That's pretty minor in the scheme of things. I wouldn't add that one to your list of things to worry about.
I can imagine this injury is really starting to wear on you. ((hugs)) - This Too Shall Pass.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Congrats on 37 days! Glad you came on here to vent. Drinking would not do anything to help solve any of those issues and could potentially make each and every one of them quite a bit worse. That's how crazy our addiction is--we know it can hurt our bodies and our lives, yet it's the first thing we want to turn to. It's insane.
Sounds to me like you're thinking clearly on all these issues. The one that concerns me most is the doctor appointment one--that just makes no sense to me that the doctor's office can't figure out a way to get you the prescriptions you need before they expire. Them being too busy/booked up is just not an acceptable excuse. Though I have no idea what the solution is, I sympathize with you and hope you figure something out with the office. I wouldn't let go of that one until you get a better answer than "oh well, 12 days is the best we can do."
The hiring a new work leader one just stinks but is one of the costs of running your own business. You'll figure it out. This is also the one that you drinking would make the worst by far. At least now you're clear headed enough to think over the hiring and training properly. Be grateful for that.
Sleep issues are, luckily, an issue I have no dealings with. I'm sure others here will be able to chime in more about them and maybe have some possible help.
I'd tell your brother to jump in the lake the next time he asks to borrow anything of mine--from your Bobcat to a single dollar. His lousy response to you isn't worth getting upset over. He's shown his true colors.
I know none of my rambling is of any real help at all, but just know that I am very proud of for 37 days and for all you've been doing to help others here on SR over the last few weeks. I have definitely noticed it.
Wishing you the best with all these problems and with your leg therapy and, of course, your continuing recovery from alcoholism.
Sounds to me like you're thinking clearly on all these issues. The one that concerns me most is the doctor appointment one--that just makes no sense to me that the doctor's office can't figure out a way to get you the prescriptions you need before they expire. Them being too busy/booked up is just not an acceptable excuse. Though I have no idea what the solution is, I sympathize with you and hope you figure something out with the office. I wouldn't let go of that one until you get a better answer than "oh well, 12 days is the best we can do."
The hiring a new work leader one just stinks but is one of the costs of running your own business. You'll figure it out. This is also the one that you drinking would make the worst by far. At least now you're clear headed enough to think over the hiring and training properly. Be grateful for that.
Sleep issues are, luckily, an issue I have no dealings with. I'm sure others here will be able to chime in more about them and maybe have some possible help.
I'd tell your brother to jump in the lake the next time he asks to borrow anything of mine--from your Bobcat to a single dollar. His lousy response to you isn't worth getting upset over. He's shown his true colors.
I know none of my rambling is of any real help at all, but just know that I am very proud of for 37 days and for all you've been doing to help others here on SR over the last few weeks. I have definitely noticed it.
Wishing you the best with all these problems and with your leg therapy and, of course, your continuing recovery from alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
thomas, i thought you laid out the issues in a very clear and even keeled manner....you may BE frustrated as hell, but you don't SOUND like the thomas of a couple months ago.....i believe each of your issues have solutions and in a perfect world you'd have nothing but time to resolve them. in a not so perfect world, ya make do the best ya can.
hang in there.....
the upcoming physical rehab sounds, well, awful....ha, kinda funny, all that time you flat out RESISTED the notion of rehab, and HERE YOU ARE! kind of ironic.....
hang in there.....
the upcoming physical rehab sounds, well, awful....ha, kinda funny, all that time you flat out RESISTED the notion of rehab, and HERE YOU ARE! kind of ironic.....
That is incredibly rough.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
Thomas .......what happened to your legs......why are they broken......obviously your not going for a jog any time soon.......I'm w the rest on here who say figure out the dr and new employee.......as for your brother......my brothers gaslight me all the time.......I stopped talking to them. Period. Big babies.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I think a run or a jog is out right now
Bim had some good ideas on the Dr- my Dr's always really busy too but the practice is really good to me - usually I get an emergency appointment of 5 mins or I just get into see someone else..
I often go through phases of waking up at 3am...usually it's me worrying about something.
Sorry about the re-training but seems to me you can do that stuff pretty well, even with your legs out of action.
sorry too about your brother.
The bottom line is - none of this stuff is worth taking a drink over. You'll get through all this sober, no worries
D
Bim had some good ideas on the Dr- my Dr's always really busy too but the practice is really good to me - usually I get an emergency appointment of 5 mins or I just get into see someone else..
I often go through phases of waking up at 3am...usually it's me worrying about something.
Sorry about the re-training but seems to me you can do that stuff pretty well, even with your legs out of action.
sorry too about your brother.
The bottom line is - none of this stuff is worth taking a drink over. You'll get through all this sober, no worries
D
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
Congrats on 37 days i agree with FO go for a good long jog/run or get a heavy bag that releases a lot of tension that build up with stress
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Life is going to continue to throw a few curve balls even in Sobriety, the main thing is it's not worthing drinking over, and by my calculation you're doing the right thing by reaching out for support, getting all that stress out and working through your thoughts!!
It's gonna take time this Sobriety thing, so you don't have to have it all figured out in the first few months, it's also alright to feel things I learned even if it is stress and anxiety, it's how we deal and react to those feelings are the key!!
Overall 37 Days is fantastic Thomas!!
It's gonna take time this Sobriety thing, so you don't have to have it all figured out in the first few months, it's also alright to feel things I learned even if it is stress and anxiety, it's how we deal and react to those feelings are the key!!
Overall 37 Days is fantastic Thomas!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'll have a bit more to add to this post in a bit, BUT, I am amazed that some of you remember what I said and/or posted a couple months ago. That's incredible. I guess people do actually read what is said and send friendly reminders of past comments. Now that's what I call accountability. Its an eye opener. I think to myself... "did I really say that?"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Congrats on 37 days, Jeff! You're starting to accrue some serious sober time there!
One of the joys of time on SR is that we can see, in one another, the subtle changes that take place with the longevity of our time here. Yes, your fellow journeyers are seeing growth in you!
It's true that the problems of our respective worlds don't disappear when we stop drinking. I couldn't drink my aging mother into better health or my "high-maintenance" boss into being an easier person to work for. What I could change, though, is how I respond to hardships and annoyances. You're learning that, too, and that's growth.
Not long ago, you mentioned that your business -- despite some staffing changes -- is doing quite well. I think that you're starting to reap the benefits of the absence of alcohol in your life. Sounds like there are some potential customers out there who are impressed with your professionalism -- and they go from "potential" to "booked" clients. Pretty cool, huh?
Keep up the good work. The other thing you find as the days turn into weeks and then even more is that you don't miss or need alcohol. It is a remarkable sense of freedom.
One of the joys of time on SR is that we can see, in one another, the subtle changes that take place with the longevity of our time here. Yes, your fellow journeyers are seeing growth in you!
It's true that the problems of our respective worlds don't disappear when we stop drinking. I couldn't drink my aging mother into better health or my "high-maintenance" boss into being an easier person to work for. What I could change, though, is how I respond to hardships and annoyances. You're learning that, too, and that's growth.
Not long ago, you mentioned that your business -- despite some staffing changes -- is doing quite well. I think that you're starting to reap the benefits of the absence of alcohol in your life. Sounds like there are some potential customers out there who are impressed with your professionalism -- and they go from "potential" to "booked" clients. Pretty cool, huh?
Keep up the good work. The other thing you find as the days turn into weeks and then even more is that you don't miss or need alcohol. It is a remarkable sense of freedom.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I appreciate everyone's input and here are some thoughts.
Regarding work, its frustrating. But every single person here on this site or anywhere else deals with this stuff. I've been through it before, but this year has been particularly challenging. I've learned to adjust and accept it, but it still stings when someone says "I need to talk to you today after work". Its never good news.
As far as the Dr. stuff goes, if it was anything but narcotics, it would be of no concern to anyone, but the whole narcotic thing is under such a microscope now, even doctors are very careful with their prescription pad. I get that, but don't make me suffer and be a casualty of the system. If they want or accept me calling and bugging the crap out of them every 4-6 days to make sure we stay on schedule, I'll do it. But I'd prefer to get it right the first time. You know what I mean?
Sleep issues, they happen, but lack of sleep makes people edgy, moody etc...and then to have this crap stacked on top made me want to reach out and let off some steam.
My brother, thanks for the feedback, and I agree with all of you. But it was a bad start to the day. This happened before 6:30AM. I will keep the text message though, because the day will come and I think I will just forward his message back to him. a$$hole.
Booze, surprisingly haven't craved it, haven't really missed it. As almost all of you with sober time under your belt have said, "it gets better". I don't know what it is or why it is, but yeah, its getting better. I can't tell you guys how rewarding it is to hear from you that I sound better, clearheaded and so forth. I don't see it because I'm in my head all day everyday. I don't notice a difference at all. But I guess its there. When the time is right I need to go back and read my own posts while in a dark place. I haven't done it, but I need to just to see how far down the rabbit hole I was. Was it really that bad? What I recall is just doing some whining and feeling sorry for myself. (ya know, like a real man) What the heck?
Regarding work, its frustrating. But every single person here on this site or anywhere else deals with this stuff. I've been through it before, but this year has been particularly challenging. I've learned to adjust and accept it, but it still stings when someone says "I need to talk to you today after work". Its never good news.
As far as the Dr. stuff goes, if it was anything but narcotics, it would be of no concern to anyone, but the whole narcotic thing is under such a microscope now, even doctors are very careful with their prescription pad. I get that, but don't make me suffer and be a casualty of the system. If they want or accept me calling and bugging the crap out of them every 4-6 days to make sure we stay on schedule, I'll do it. But I'd prefer to get it right the first time. You know what I mean?
Sleep issues, they happen, but lack of sleep makes people edgy, moody etc...and then to have this crap stacked on top made me want to reach out and let off some steam.
My brother, thanks for the feedback, and I agree with all of you. But it was a bad start to the day. This happened before 6:30AM. I will keep the text message though, because the day will come and I think I will just forward his message back to him. a$$hole.
Booze, surprisingly haven't craved it, haven't really missed it. As almost all of you with sober time under your belt have said, "it gets better". I don't know what it is or why it is, but yeah, its getting better. I can't tell you guys how rewarding it is to hear from you that I sound better, clearheaded and so forth. I don't see it because I'm in my head all day everyday. I don't notice a difference at all. But I guess its there. When the time is right I need to go back and read my own posts while in a dark place. I haven't done it, but I need to just to see how far down the rabbit hole I was. Was it really that bad? What I recall is just doing some whining and feeling sorry for myself. (ya know, like a real man) What the heck?
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Thomas11 Jeff
You have a ton on your plate and you meeting it all head on and coming to it a straightforward manner. Kudos , really impressive especially early on. It does get better ,eh? Keep the forward momentum, you got this. No need to dig into the "dark" places , right? Sure acknowledge them, resolve not jump in the hole, but no real need to go revisiting, almost like picking at scabs. This is a guy right here right now with a different mindset and it shows. Just keep trucking forward, you got this. Good luck with rehab, that should get better too, unfortunately, after it starts up.
You have a ton on your plate and you meeting it all head on and coming to it a straightforward manner. Kudos , really impressive especially early on. It does get better ,eh? Keep the forward momentum, you got this. No need to dig into the "dark" places , right? Sure acknowledge them, resolve not jump in the hole, but no real need to go revisiting, almost like picking at scabs. This is a guy right here right now with a different mindset and it shows. Just keep trucking forward, you got this. Good luck with rehab, that should get better too, unfortunately, after it starts up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I felt the same way earlier...... I was having the worst craving I've had yet and it was making me really irritable and tense. Today being Canada Day was historically a big party day for me.
Anyways I got through it and I'm glad. I bet you are too. I've never regretted not drinking ya know?
Anyways I got through it and I'm glad. I bet you are too. I've never regretted not drinking ya know?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
You're doing well with your sobriety Thomas, so try to ride out this rough patch as best you can. I understand you're under a lot of pressure and stress right now, but with a little luck things will smooth out, especially once you're healed.
I have to say, I do admire your tenacity in this situation; you should give yourself a nice pat on the back for that. It's not easy running a business when healthy, and doing it while you have medical issues is commendable.
So just keep coming here when you need to blow off steam.
I have to say, I do admire your tenacity in this situation; you should give yourself a nice pat on the back for that. It's not easy running a business when healthy, and doing it while you have medical issues is commendable.
So just keep coming here when you need to blow off steam.
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