jfk45

I am having a lot of problems with my alcoholic/addict daughter. We have stopped giving her money, but then we felt bad and started again. She hasn't ever had a job for more than a couple of weeks. She rarely gets out of bed. I can't throw her out because she has my granddaughter to care for (which my husband and I often do while she sleeps) I am at a loss of what to do, so I figured the first thing I have to do is to say no to all requests for money and move on from there. I just have so much trouble and feel so guilty saying no.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your position jfk.
I feel really sorry for your granddaughter too.

I'm glad you're posting here tho - the support here is great

D

Nonsensical

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. If you believe turning off the money to your daughter is the right way to help her then you shouldn't feel guilty about providing that help.

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you

jfk45

Thank you for the replies! She was crying last night, I think because we're starting to at least try to get her to take care of herself, pay for her own gas, cigarettes, etc.. We will still help with stuff for her child but it's going to have to be us going out and buying what she needs. I feel sad for her, but I also know that I am doing what has to be done.

Anna

That sounds like a really good plan. I hope your daughter makes a decision to take responsibility for herself and her child.

ccam1973

Welcome JFK, sounds like a good plan to start with. Good luck.

FreeOwl

My aunt and uncle were in similar position with my cousin. It got progressively worse until what they had to do was take legal action. It was clearly the hardest thing they'd ever had to do - but they engaged an attorney and they petitioned the court for custody of their granddaughters and grandson. They recognized that enabling their daughter was never going to 'save' her and that continuing to do so was also an awful decision for their grandchildren. Nobody was being served by it.

My cousin would never come to terms with her addiction as long as she was protected, sheltered, given childcare and food, given a place to live and permitted to continue her addicted life without consequence.

Unfortunately, my cousin remains an addict and continues to struggle in her life. Those children, however, have a really good life with two incredibly devoted, caring grandparents who have created a very positive life for them. While there is surely a wound there - not having their mother around and not having a clue where their father may be - the environment that has been created and the parenting they're getting from their grandparents is a thousand times better than what they were getting before.

My aunt and uncle had to bear the pain of throwing their child out.... but in so doing they drew boundaries and removed the daily pain of dealing with her drunken, drugged-up states and supporting her as she continued to slide downward. She was in her early twenties at the time and had been given every chance reasonable to get her life together.... they came to the point of recognition that IF she were ever going to get help and change, it would be through the consequences of her own decisions.

That conclusion is supported by pretty much every alcoholic / addict EVER.

I feel for you... truly. As a father, I can imagine the tortuous pain and feelings of helplessness associated with seeing one's child struggle with addiction.

I wish you strength, wisdom and support in your challenges ahead.