SoberCupcake

Have you ever thought that your drinking was to do with your partner's drinking? I feel that if I stop drinking I would have to address all the issues of my relationship and that it may mean leaving my husband. We have 2 kids and he is a good dad, and being brought by a single mom I am afraid to hurt my kids by leaving him, but I just can't carry on like this, I need a way out

PurpleKnight

When I got Sober, I needed to focus on that and make it happen without worrying about what would happen afterwards, alcohol for me was killing me, I couldn't continue, so stopping was the priority.

But it's true, Sobriety is more than not drinking, all of those things I was escaping from, the things I hated about myself, was all staring me in the face after I stopped drinking, and I then needed to deal with them.

Focus on Sobriety, that's the foundation for everything else!! You can do this!!

Soberwolf

^^^^^^^^^^

Honestly id say no stopping drinking gave me the chance to save our relationship my drinking was all me i didnt need encouragement to drink

Glad your here

Debbie329

Dear sober cupcake........I raised my son by myself.....his father never spent five minutes w him.......he's got a PhD......it's all about how your treat your children....and what guidance you give them.......I was drunk wish I wasnt ...... I had bf that came and went and yeah I could have gotten married......but I didn't think it was worth........just like purple night say......your sobriety is first.....I imagine lots of people get divorced once they get sober. You deserve to be happy.

MythOfSisyphus

That's complicated, SoberCupcake. First off, control what you can control. You need to address your own drinking first. Yes, it's true that couples can be codependent and reinforce each others worst habits. And it might be hard to stop if he won't stop. But you need to examine your own issues.

It sounds like you need to have a frank conversation with him. Forgive me if you've given your story but I don't know it, but does he know how you feel? Does he consider you to be an alcoholic? Does he think of himself as one? You won't know until you have a talk.

Next, and again I don't know the whole story, but if he's an alcoholic he probably isn't such a great dad at all. Or he could be a lot better.

Yes, getting sober will force a lot of changes. But it's worth it.

SoberCupcake

Thanks Myth, you are absolutely right, I have to focus on me quitting and take it from there. Yes he is an alcoholic, but won't admit it, so the conversation, although a good idea, will only lead to an argument, so i just have to be strong and stop blaming situation/relationship etc for what ultimately is my own fault and my own responsibility.
Thanks for your help

Dee74

I think we can throw up all kinds of roadblocks to getting ourselves well.

I'd hope you'll find, like Wolfie, that your relationship will be even better for you being sober

I certainly found my attitudes to a lot of things changed markedly for the better once I got sober. There was a me in there I had forgotten - I think you'll find the same

In the end, though - even if the worst did come to pass - would you really want you (and your kids) to stay in a relationship you had to drink through to tolerate?

D