The Ballad of Tam Lin
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The Ballad of Tam Lin
I don't know if anyone else is into balladry or folk tales, but this one...this one speaks directly to me.
For anyone not familiar, Tam Lin is a mortal man ensnared by a Scottish faerie queen. His beloved, Janet, sneaks into the woods to see him & is told that only if she holds fast to Tam Lin through a series of terrible shape-shiftings, will he return to his original form & be free to marry her.
So of course, she does. Tam Lin is turned, in her arms, from a block of ice, into a hot branding iron, from a writhing serpent into a fleeing deer.
I used to think that the reason this ballad speaks to me so strongly, resonates, is that I viewed my exAH as Tam Lin. If I just loved him enough, was strong enough, held on enough, he would eventually conquer his addiction, his addict brain, his bad self-esteem, etc & return to me as his true self-hidden underneath all these other incarnations.
I don't believe that any more.
Maybe it's a common delusion that we ALL have as the loved ones of our addicts/the recovering addict: that we are supposed to hold on literally for Dear Life until the other person expends all that negative energy, all those facades & returns to THEMselves.
Underneath it all, though, what I take away from Tam Lin's & Janet's struggle now, is that Janet represents all of what's pure, normal, innocent, joyous in Life. Janet represents the love we should all have for OURSELVES.
The addict is not in the picture for me anymore, reading this. Certainly a life of love, the pursuit of self-love & self-confidence, is what I want for myself.
So in that context, the addict really plays no part in this ballad, does he?
We are all being held tightly in our struggles by the Powers that Be-that want better for us & believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves.
And I am not Janet, nor the Faerie Queen.
I am Tam Lin, & the changes, painful & burning & otherwise, are far from over...
Tam Lin: Oxford Book of Ballads
For anyone not familiar, Tam Lin is a mortal man ensnared by a Scottish faerie queen. His beloved, Janet, sneaks into the woods to see him & is told that only if she holds fast to Tam Lin through a series of terrible shape-shiftings, will he return to his original form & be free to marry her.
So of course, she does. Tam Lin is turned, in her arms, from a block of ice, into a hot branding iron, from a writhing serpent into a fleeing deer.
I used to think that the reason this ballad speaks to me so strongly, resonates, is that I viewed my exAH as Tam Lin. If I just loved him enough, was strong enough, held on enough, he would eventually conquer his addiction, his addict brain, his bad self-esteem, etc & return to me as his true self-hidden underneath all these other incarnations.
I don't believe that any more.
Maybe it's a common delusion that we ALL have as the loved ones of our addicts/the recovering addict: that we are supposed to hold on literally for Dear Life until the other person expends all that negative energy, all those facades & returns to THEMselves.
Underneath it all, though, what I take away from Tam Lin's & Janet's struggle now, is that Janet represents all of what's pure, normal, innocent, joyous in Life. Janet represents the love we should all have for OURSELVES.
The addict is not in the picture for me anymore, reading this. Certainly a life of love, the pursuit of self-love & self-confidence, is what I want for myself.
So in that context, the addict really plays no part in this ballad, does he?
We are all being held tightly in our struggles by the Powers that Be-that want better for us & believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves.
And I am not Janet, nor the Faerie Queen.
I am Tam Lin, & the changes, painful & burning & otherwise, are far from over...
Tam Lin: Oxford Book of Ballads
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