Hello everyone, it's been a while
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hello everyone, it's been a while
A big hello to everyone who might remember me and to anyone else I have yet to "meet"
I don't know how long it has been since I have checked in here, but I do know it has been a good, long while.
The reasons for my break in posting are that one, I was getting really down on myself and a bit obsessive about my sobriety. I was over-analyzing every breath I took and I just needed to let up and relax a bit. The other reason is that I started a new business recently and cannot even begin to explain how busy I have been. I have a lot going on work-wise, which is great. I think my business will operate at a loss this year, but by next year we should be on our way to something successful.
My drinking is nearly the same as it was when I was posting regularly. I am slightly better but have yet to reach the ultimate goal of complete sobriety. I wouldn't even call what is happening "relapses" because it happens with such frequency it is really just "drinking" but not every day. This is already a huge improvement, though of course not enough. I go three, four, five days with no alcohol and then end up with wine for one or two days.
I finally decided to go to the addiction center for help. You may recall that everyone here was telling me NOT to go, that it was a sure way to cause problems if anyone found out. In the end, this is my life and I need to know that I put every effort into helping myself. I meet once every two weeks with a very nice woman who has also given me a prescription for Campral. I have my first appointment with a psychologist who specializes in addition tomorrow afternoon.
The medication *I think* has been a help to me. I do need to say that the medication came at a time I was feeling very peaceful and ready to go down this road, so I don't know if my recent success at drinking less is due to my own mindset or the medication. Either way I will continue to use it. I get it for free, what's the harm?
We have identified that my absolute #1 trigger is stress. I find I can somewhat easily go without a drink in social situations when I am happy and relaxed, even when wine is flowing freely. Yet if I get very stressed I can just as easily reach for a drink at 10 in the morning.
I've really reached a point that I am sick of beating myself up over this though. I am a good person, I am kind, I am honest, I am generous, I work hard, I am good mother, I am doing my best. My goal remains to be alcohol free and anything that keeps me from that will surely render me disappointed but I refuse to self-loathe anymore. I will just continue to get back up and try again.
I look very much forward to having a look around and seeing how all of you good people are doing. I do hope I find some success stories to both bring a smile to my face as I celebrate with you and also motivate me. For those of you that are still struggling as I am, keep your head up. You, too, are a good person, we just need to overcome this addiction.
I don't know how long it has been since I have checked in here, but I do know it has been a good, long while.
The reasons for my break in posting are that one, I was getting really down on myself and a bit obsessive about my sobriety. I was over-analyzing every breath I took and I just needed to let up and relax a bit. The other reason is that I started a new business recently and cannot even begin to explain how busy I have been. I have a lot going on work-wise, which is great. I think my business will operate at a loss this year, but by next year we should be on our way to something successful.
My drinking is nearly the same as it was when I was posting regularly. I am slightly better but have yet to reach the ultimate goal of complete sobriety. I wouldn't even call what is happening "relapses" because it happens with such frequency it is really just "drinking" but not every day. This is already a huge improvement, though of course not enough. I go three, four, five days with no alcohol and then end up with wine for one or two days.
I finally decided to go to the addiction center for help. You may recall that everyone here was telling me NOT to go, that it was a sure way to cause problems if anyone found out. In the end, this is my life and I need to know that I put every effort into helping myself. I meet once every two weeks with a very nice woman who has also given me a prescription for Campral. I have my first appointment with a psychologist who specializes in addition tomorrow afternoon.
The medication *I think* has been a help to me. I do need to say that the medication came at a time I was feeling very peaceful and ready to go down this road, so I don't know if my recent success at drinking less is due to my own mindset or the medication. Either way I will continue to use it. I get it for free, what's the harm?
We have identified that my absolute #1 trigger is stress. I find I can somewhat easily go without a drink in social situations when I am happy and relaxed, even when wine is flowing freely. Yet if I get very stressed I can just as easily reach for a drink at 10 in the morning.
I've really reached a point that I am sick of beating myself up over this though. I am a good person, I am kind, I am honest, I am generous, I work hard, I am good mother, I am doing my best. My goal remains to be alcohol free and anything that keeps me from that will surely render me disappointed but I refuse to self-loathe anymore. I will just continue to get back up and try again.
I look very much forward to having a look around and seeing how all of you good people are doing. I do hope I find some success stories to both bring a smile to my face as I celebrate with you and also motivate me. For those of you that are still struggling as I am, keep your head up. You, too, are a good person, we just need to overcome this addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks for the warm welcome back! I almost forgot to tell you about my garden which has been a HUGE motivator for me to stay sober. I have created a beautiful yard with roses and fruit tress and all kinds of plants. I also built a large, 6meter x 2meter raised garden bed in which I am growing all kinds of organic vegetables. Can you believe I care about growing organic vegetables and then poison myself with alcohol?!?!? In any case, taking care of my yard and garden has proven to be very relaxing for me. I love going to bed sober on a Friday night knowing that I will wake up very early to go mow the grass- it is no fun to do with a hangover or I just skip it, so staying sober is the key. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
The MIRACLE of the 12 Steps of AA
For me, after all the Treatment Center lingo didn't work, I found out that 'I' am the trigger.
I now have the same amount of stress from my high-intensity job, I go on job management trips with my boss & co-workers that drink at dinner, I have the 'living-life-on-life's-terms' situations, but drinking is not an option, and I feel 'Happy, Joyous, and FREE' about my not-drinking. For me that is because I am no longer controlled by the cycle of obsession & craving. When I drink, my body (& mind) craves more, to the extent that I cannot always predict how much I will drink. Then, when I sober up, I have an obsession to want more alcohol, for whatever physical craving or mental 'reasoning'. That is the cycle of obsession & craving. After my time in 'Treatment' I did not actually 'relapse', because I never really quit for long enough (or actually got FREE) to consider drinking a relapse. It was a long time of 'controlled drinking', which eventually spiraled downward into the state described in the AA Big Book as 'Pitiful and Incomprehensible Demoralization".
I am now completely FREE from it all, and it happened thru WORKING the 12 Steps of AA, and now continuing to work the Daily Steps.
RDBplus3...Happy, Joyous, and FREE...and I KNOW any 'Alcoholic' can be 2
I now have the same amount of stress from my high-intensity job, I go on job management trips with my boss & co-workers that drink at dinner, I have the 'living-life-on-life's-terms' situations, but drinking is not an option, and I feel 'Happy, Joyous, and FREE' about my not-drinking. For me that is because I am no longer controlled by the cycle of obsession & craving. When I drink, my body (& mind) craves more, to the extent that I cannot always predict how much I will drink. Then, when I sober up, I have an obsession to want more alcohol, for whatever physical craving or mental 'reasoning'. That is the cycle of obsession & craving. After my time in 'Treatment' I did not actually 'relapse', because I never really quit for long enough (or actually got FREE) to consider drinking a relapse. It was a long time of 'controlled drinking', which eventually spiraled downward into the state described in the AA Big Book as 'Pitiful and Incomprehensible Demoralization".
I am now completely FREE from it all, and it happened thru WORKING the 12 Steps of AA, and now continuing to work the Daily Steps.
RDBplus3...Happy, Joyous, and FREE...and I KNOW any 'Alcoholic' can be 2
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Welcome back!
I believe that we all follow different paths in our quest for sustainable sobriety. You sound motivated and that's critical. I also took advantage of an outpatient addiction treatment center and found it to be very helpful. I've had to drop the concerns about others finding out about my addiction. Not beating myself up means I am better prepared to stay sober.
I believe that we all follow different paths in our quest for sustainable sobriety. You sound motivated and that's critical. I also took advantage of an outpatient addiction treatment center and found it to be very helpful. I've had to drop the concerns about others finding out about my addiction. Not beating myself up means I am better prepared to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Meraviglioso, I can relate to your situation. The two things that made me want to drink were stress (which I think is very common) and also I put myself on a reward system. Work hard all week, accomplish all tasks set forth for the week so time to reward myself with a little downtime to decompress. Most of the time it was fine, but the few times it wasn't successful always ended up bad. Feeling like crap, starting slow out of the gate on Monday, poor appetite and sleep. Just not a healthy life.
Sounds like you got a grip on it and are doing something about it. Good for you. I wish you the very best and good luck on your business. Make year #2 profitable.
Sounds like you got a grip on it and are doing something about it. Good for you. I wish you the very best and good luck on your business. Make year #2 profitable.
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