zerothehero

You don't have to hit bottom (is what I meant to write in the title). When I read books about recovery or peruse the threads in this forum, it seems most addicts/alcoholics have more than their fair share of nightmarish stories about the consequences of their addictions, and I am no exception. But I enjoyed the heck out of the vast majority of my adventures with substances, I never got arrested, didn't go to rehab or lose a job or end up on the street. It was really only during my last few months of drinking that the darkness descended, but even then I could still have a good time.

Some say you have to hit bottom. I call BS on that. I've seen people hit bottom, and they never returned. Their ashes are scattered.

This is for all of you who aren't sure if you're an alcoholic or an addict - for all who don't really want to say goodbye to the good times because you're not sure you really want to - for all who haven't hit bottom but know where they are headed even if they're still having a good time heading there.

Bob Weir sings, "I might be going to hell in a bucket, baby, but at least I'm enjoying the ride." My problem was I was indeed enjoying the ride.

And the greater challenge is that the first months of sobriety for me were not fun. I had to face a lot of demons and do a lot of work. I had to grieve for my little buddies I used to hold close to my heart. You know, the ones that come in bottles.

But I'm telling you now, after almost 18 months, I am SO very glad I am clean and sober, and I'm not turning back. After the initial adjustment period, I can honestly say I have just as much fun now as I did when I was partying. Better yet, I'm fully conscious and I'm not risking arrest or overdose or accidents that result from numbness and substance-fueled stupidity.

I've had some health issues, and they haven't entirely disappeared, but I am grateful I've been sober this past year. I'm living and I'm feeling it. It is miraculous and awesome.

Won't you join me? Us?

zjw

bottom is also about perspective. where is your bottom? and I dont exactly mean that proverbial alcoholic bottom. even being sober you could find yourself in a situation where your like OMG life could not get any worse this must be my bottom etc...

I met a guy once he was homeless owned only a bike had a child he didnt get to see and was happy. He taught me a very good lesson that day. I was out of work broke and in a bad spot he must have read my mind seeing how crappy i felt about myself. with a smile He said to me "look at me I'm friggen homeless all I own is this bike I got a daughter i cant see cause my x wife hates me most would look at me and say this is my bottom this aint bottom I'm just fine I like riding my bike life will turn around for me I dunno where the bottom is but this certainly isnt it. " You could see the genuine joy in his eyes he was happy despite his circumstances.

I new another guy when i worked in hospice we always had him clean the worst messes and he always did it with a smile. I said to my buddy what the heck is wrong with him how come he always does everything with a big smile and is so happy all the time. He said because compared to where he has been in life this awesome for him. Another lesson learned.

perspective seems to make the biggest difference.

zerothehero

Agreed, zjw. A case in point is little more than a year after my sobriety date, I found myself unable to walk or even sit. I couldn't work because I couldn't even sit in a wheelchair without debilitating pain. I was sober and avoiding painkillers and at times I was ready to blow my brains out. A month later, after I finally had surgery and could walk again, and after only a week of painkillers, I emerged from that challenge more grateful and more alive than I have felt in decades. This is despite facing another surgery later this month.

It is completely about perspective. We create our own realities to a certain extent. This is not easy to do when one is not clean and sober.

I consider myself a reluctant Buddhist. The basic tenets have long resonated with me, but I didn't practice because I was usually buzzed or recovering from my last buzz. It didn't work. Meditation was a hamster wheel.

Clean and sober I am now making progress. And I take myself less seriously. And I am less ashamed and more loving - particularly with myself. That's important. I'm in a good place.

If I had been drinking and drugging these past few months I would have been surly, mixing alcohol with oxy, and racked with anxiety. Gratefully, I was sober and absorbed all the pain and intensity.

What a world.

SoberHoopsFan

Good post.

I'm not even sure I believe in the concept of "rock bottom" because alcohol can always sink you lower. I had 100 rock bottoms, and when I swore off it for a bit, I went on another bender and had another. Fact is, when you drink heavily, another low moment or bottom is always right around the corner, you can't ever predict what may happen next. If alcohol creates problems in your life, it's best to cut it out of your life.

SoberLife90

Everyones bottom can look different! I never lived on the streets but my botttom, the one thing that finally got me to rehab was not being able to afford my drugs and alcohol financially. That was my bottom.

Dee74

For me a 'bottom' is simply the point at which you look around and say I can't live like this anymore.

For some that involves some catastrophe, but yeah I agree - it needn't be that way

D

FarToGo

Thank you for this post Zerothehero, I too have been "functional", no job losses, .........lots of people would be surprised I found I had a problem and needed to stop, bla bla, not many of the really obvious or stereotype signs of alcoholism.......... YET.
My bottom was realising I wasn't in control, if there was alcohol around I had to drink it, if there was none around I was anxious and had to get some, it was always on my mind and was taking over any other priorities I might have had. My bottom was realising I really didn't want to live this way anymore, health was beginning to suffer, motivation, family relationships, mental wellbeing (what's that again?).
I've been sober for 10 weeks and I'm really pleased with myself, but not reached that "miraculous and awesome" as yet. Posts like yours help a lot, I know I've done the right thing and things will continue to get better and better.

thank you xx

Soberwolf

Good posts for others to read

Fox70

I'm in line with Dee here. My "bottom" wasn't some awful event. It was just the point when I said enough. I am not willing to find out what my rock bottom could actually be.

Latte

Everyone has a different "bottom." The good news is that you don't have to hit one to quit drinking. Quite often it does happen-it doesn't have to though.

Soberween

Sometimes your rock bottom has a trap door. Other than death, I think there is always room to dig yourself into a deeper hole so I encouraged people to stop once they realize it's only going to get worse.