FaithfulAndFree

Now, I know we may have different versions of a "party girl" but I'd like suggestions on ways to effectively rid myself of my party persona. After some sober time I remember how much fun I used to be and then all of my resolve goes out the door. Sober I am a little reserved initially and very detached but under the influence I am very friendly and goofy, more approachable and relatable. I will admit I like my "party girl" side . Help!!

Berrybean

I know what you mean - although my party girl side couldn't always be trusted to behave in ways I wanted to live with once I'd sobered up. But, that's what alcohol did for me - as Mickey B says - it turned me from a ducks to an eagles, and makes me feel 'wittier; prettier; and tittier'.

I go to less parties now as it isn't the same experience - and can't be. I just remind myself that the flip side is that I am actually happy to be alone and spend time with myself. I don't need all those distractions from reality, as I'm learning better ways of dealing with stuff.

Gilmer

You know from your past that drinking is not good for you.

It wouldn't take much to get you back to despair, even if you have a positive party experience once or twice.

I took it on faith that the awkwardness I felt with my own company would pass. Eventually I got used to a life without drinking--and I've found that my party persona has come back.

Nowadays, though, I am rational enough to know when to talk and when to shut up! Looking back, I'm not sure I was quite as entertaining at parties as I thought I was!

sg1970

The easiest thing would be to stop thinking/romanticizing about it. If it does pop up remind yourself it's not an option and turn your thoughts to something else.

lighter

Just wondering if you really want to rid yourself of the "party girl" persona or you want to become more like that in real (sober) life?

I.e. would you like to become more friendly, fun, more approachable and relatable if you could do it without the drink?

FaithfulAndFree

Thanks all

Lighter - I honestly don't think it's possible due to my social anxiety. I stress out after every interaction with someone new.... So I would like to accept and be happy with my not so friendly, sober self.

Saskia

Social anxiety can improve. I've always felt awkward in groups and alcohol helped with that up to a point -- I don't think I was much fun when I passed out! Although I still tense up, it is slowly improving as I am sober. Not perfect - probably never will be - but nothing improves on alcohol.

lighter

Hm...

It's hard to really answer your question since it's so complicated and I don't know you really well.

While self-acceptance is a good goal, I'm not so sure that it's an easy one to obtain for anyone. Maybe, if it was my aim, I would start each morning by writing a gratitude list, and at the end of the day I might choose to take a positive inventory listing five things I did well during the day.

I honestly think the AA programme is a good one for self-acceptance because in essence it is finding out all your good and bad points, trying to solve the damage you did, changing what you can change then living with what you can't.

It may not be possible for you to fix the social anxiety. As someone who spent several years locked in my own home because of a full blown agoraphobia I know that it is tough, but you don't need to fix it all at once.
If you were to write a list of five things that you could do (that are in your capability) but which are a stretch for you then this might help. My first step was simply going for a walk, then going into town without speaking to anyone, then saying hello to one person on the walk, then having a chat with a sales assistant. Only going in small steps in other words, rather than trying to fix the entire problem in one go.

OneLessLonely

I definitely missed my party girl side in the beginning. Alcohol made me come out of my shell and be sociable, etc. But I learned here about "playing the tape through." If I was imagining or invisioning a "good time" from drinking, I'd play the tape in my mind through to when I started getting sloppy, doing embarrassing regretful things, fighting, being unsafe... I'd play the tape through to the following morning when I always woke up with regret, anxiety, sickness. Its a package deal. The party girl and the aftermath. And it just never seemed worth it once I started doing that.

Dee74

Male here but I'm definitely not very socially adept but I've accepted that - I figure it's better than trying to be something I'm not and being the embarrassing loud obnoxious mess booze made me.

I've accepted that I was never really a party animal - I just liked drinking and not being alone....

And while I may not be very sociable my anxiety has definitely gotten better - I think it has to when you're dealing with social situations and not running away into a bottle.

If your social anxiety is particularly debilitating maybe a counsellor or therapist could help?

D