Allie0721

Well she did it again. This time sober but driving under suspension...after taking anxiety meds in the night. Looking at prison this time...and I will end up with her daughter. Don't know if this is rock bottom for her but it is for me. I told her I was done. I haven't given her anything financial in a long time but I have always been there and supported her emotionally when she is sober.

I don't know though if totally pulling away is good or not. Should I even speak? I'm too angry right now. I love my daughter but I don't love what she is.

Thoughts?

megsykreeg

You have to stand your ground for her daughter. Only when she is fully in recovery can you rebuild what she has torn down.

Allie0721

That's what I am thinking...but do I cut off all contact except with her daughter? Do I go to court with her? I support her sobriety but the only time I have spoken to her in the last few weeks was the same old thing...I will show you, this is not me, I am going to get better. I actually laughed.

megsykreeg

Yeah that's what they say.... it is almost laughable.... I'll show you. Then show me. And your response should be and until you show me, I cannot go on the emotional roller coaster with you. How old is her daughter? It might be good to cut off all contact for a season even with her daughter.

Allie0721

That's almost verbatim what I said. Show me and we will talk!

Her daughter is only 7 and is no dummy. She is also very attached to us. Her mother has managed to raise a beautiful, well mannered and delightful child despite this horrible addiction. Staying away from her is not an option but taking custody may well be. I dunno. I'm just broken inside. You would think I would be used to it and have a skin like leather but my heart breaks fresh every. single. time.

Funnily enough (if there is such a thing) she has been sober for a month this time and has been attending meetings. Then this.

happybeingme

Your granddaughter is that way not because she was raised right but because she knew not to cause problems, upset mommy or be a burden in any way. A lot of children of addicts grow up to be super responsible, polite such a little grown-up. It's a coping mechanism

I know because I was the same way. Please protect and care for your granddaughter.

Allie0721

Oh! Your post just hit me like a stone. I had no idea. Yes, I will protect her and care for her. I am seeking a way to get custody before I have to take her anyway.

Thank you for this.

PHIZ007

Hi Allie

Not much to add except what's already been said above.

Just adding my support and strength for you to get through.
My youngest is 8 and I can see how she is affected by her fathers alcoholism.

I am making plans to separate from my AH but it is going to take a bit of time.

sR and Al Anon keep me sane though which is good.

All the very best to you. I am glad you are here despite the reason for being here.

All the best Phiz

FeelingGreat

Allie, on behalf of your daughter, at least she was sober, and that's positive. Also, if she isn't abusing the the anxiety meds, and they were prescribed, could the driving be one of the side-effects? Say over-confidence?

I'm just saying that this might be a slip-up on the road to sobriety, but judge it as you see it, knowing all the circumstances.

Your GD is so lucky to have you to step in.

ladyscribbler

This was me as well. I was the hero child, the "living proof" that my family didn't have any real problems because I was little Miss Perfect. There was actually a thread about it a few days ago. It's stickied in the Adult Children of Alcoholics section. If you're going to be raising your granddaughter you may want to do a bit of reading over there.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-family.html