CodeJob

This past weekend we purchased a new vehicle. My H has been researching this truck for a year before he committed to a deal, so it has been in the works for months. I wasn't particularly excited about taking on further debt, but he had agreed with me that waiting until another vehicle loan was completed was wise. That loan was now paid. He also had applied for several part time jobs and has one interview lined up, so he was finally addressing the issue of his lowered income in regards to taking on an additional car payment.

My sponsor helped me realize that maybe RAH needed something shiny to reward his hard work. She pointed out a part time job might be just the thing for RAH to re-evaluate his career and income in total.

He seemed a little lost with me supporting him 100% on the decision. I told him I had talked it through with my friend and I felt confident in his reasoning and was pleased with his actions of looking for additional income and waiting until the other loan was completed. He seemed a little perplexed and I suppose that is just the new CodeJob that he doesn't really know how to respond to at times. Quite frankly I didn't know what to do with my old self either...

He asked me a half dozen times if he was doing the right thing and I said yes each time.

I was very calm and patient on Saturday and watched him smoke his brains out and stop on the way home to get some snacks and an iced tea as he couldn't really eat a meal he was so nervous. I tried to stay silent and allow him to work through his fretting about making such a big decision/commitment. His brain is just not wired for it without serious anxiety.

It is a nice truck. He got a decent deal. I hope this builds some confidence in his decision-making skills. I will be curious to see what happens next. This car loan is going to be spanking his (our) budget every month.

knowthetriggers

Way to stay on your side of the street!

Thumper

Gosh - Such shining recovery work on your end - and on his too I guess!!! I do not handle anxiety like that in others well. I'm so impressed!!!

LexieCat

Nice! And you have a very wise sponsor. We ALL need to reward ourselves with something shiny once in a while. Even when it's just for doing what we should have been doing all along.

searching peace

Wow! You are healthy! You may need to change your name on here now! 😉 I love how supportive and understanding you are being for your husband. It is nice to hear of a marriage that seems to be healing and going in the right direction. Most of us seem to only post about leaving and how the marriages are not working out. Your post makes me happy for you!

Duckygirl1

Nice work letting him sort it out! Maybe a little something shiny for you like a massage?

steelman1649

you go girl.

CodeJob

Oh that is one thing I have worked on a lot, Duckygirl! Now I get massages once a month.

CodeJob

Thanks Steelman! How are you?

CodeJob

Oh Searching, healing is very slow. RAH just cleared 25 mo sober. Just in the past two weeks has he made some evident further recovery. He came home and informed me he not only had applied for some part time jobs, but he already had an interview lined up. Yesterday he showed me a pro/con list of staying at his current job or moving on. I was pretty shocked to see evidence that he was actively evaluating his under-employment. I am petty confident he will at least obtain a part time job from this effort.

This man is my best friend and we enjoy spending time together. Just to retain that comradery means I have had to drag off several dumpsters of my issues knowing they will never be 100% addressed. I am never going to get that ticker tape parade that I persevered. But then I will never throw a ticker tape parade to celebrate that he lives his life without alcohol. Maybe we have come to a draw at this time. A draw in our codependent, ACOA, power struggle marriage might be a good outcome for now. That might be considered a success at 25 months sober and me just starting Step 12.

Allie0721

It is so nice to read this and know that there are happy beginnings and peace out there. Hugs to you - keep fighting the good fight.

searching peace

Thank you Codejob. I thought my husband was my best friend. And I love him more than anything in this world. Even through his abuse and his alcoholism. I never put boundaries on him. I never made demands that he stop either. I asked him to learn about the abuse and that was all. But his love for me wasn't enough. He is the one that wants nothing to do with me. Partly his arrest for DV and partly his family and children telling him to divorce me. But regardless of the why, I am so happy to hear of a marriage that is working out even with this awful disease. I know you have hard days, but to hear about how talk stick together no matter what is the kind of marriage I hope to have one day. Thank you for sharing!