megsykreeg

well I thought it was happening and didn't want to believe it. I found the truth tonight. He's been drinking. I tried to talk to him. His best friend came over to try to talk too. I couldn't get thru. Took his wallet and keys told him he could go to a hotel or I was taking our daughter and leaving. He said fine leave. Broke my heart to wake my 18 mos old up at 10:30 at night to get in the car and go to my parents house. I wanted to go back inside and grab a few more things but he had already bolted the door I'm 15 wks pregnant and we are in negotiations on a house. Lord how is this happening again. My heart is so broken. I feel so lonely and lost.

happybeingme

I am so very sorry you find yourself in this position. Please take extra care of yourself during this time. It may be smart to also try to get out of the house purchase. This isn't a good time to make such a big commitment

maybear

I'm so sorry.

You did the right thing removing yourself, your child and your unborn baby.

redatlanta

I am really, really sorry.

Not surprised, but astounded he would put pregnant you and his infant out rather than leave himself. That action to me would be last straw.

Refiner

I'm so sorry Megs.... Dammmmm. I'm glad you had your parents to go to. How selfish of him to tell you to leave. I agree that perhaps you should stop on the house plans.

INgal

My heart breaks for you Meggsy. I'm not going to tell you to look into Al Anon right now as you have your hands full. You did the right thing for your daughter and I hope your parents are a good support team. If possible, I would hold off on the house.

CarmenLove

Yes, drunk or sober to me this feels SO unacceptable.

NYCDoglvr

A very big hug in this difficult time. I'm glad you left and went to your parents and ditto the advice above to get out of any house purchase. You can get through this one step at a time.

megsykreeg

I came back and talked to him. He says its a one time but I really don't know what to believe. How do I trust anything he says. He's so angry all the time it hurts. Even not drinking he's angry. Ugh my heart just aches.

happybeingme

Do not trust anything he says. Has he behaved in a way that makes him worthy of trusting his words? Words without action are just noise.

megsykreeg

Happybeingme thks that's exactly how I feel. Time will tell it's only been a day so I'm taking things one day at a time and proceeding w caution.

dandylion

Megsy.......I know that you just recently found this forum....and you are in turmoil, right now......But, dear,.,,,,,,you must...must....MUST learn more about this disease and how it works.
I say this with such insistence, because it is vital that you know what you are up against!
You cannot listen to what a practicing alcoholic says or "promises" in regard to their drinking----no matter how convincing or how much you want to believe their words! (even when they are sober--they are not in recovery---thus, they still have the alcoholic thinking inside their brains.)

Their actions are the only thing that counts. When they are in denial---they are lying to themselves....and don't even realize that! If they can't trust themselves--how can you trust them??

Being as you are pregnant----you can make good friendships and get good emotional support at alanon...for YOU. You really need support that you can TRUST, right now.
Start reading the articles in the "stickies" at the top of the m ain page.
I highly suggest to start with the ones called "Classic Readings" and, study them every day......
Knowlege is power.....

dandylion

megsykreeg

Yes I've been reading more about the disease and seeking counsel from people who've been there. So far his actions are showing me it was a one time slip and he's getting back on track. I'm not sure what any of you believe but I fully believe that God is in control above all and he has us in His hands. We went to church yesterday morning. Which my dad who's the pastor was floored that he came. I think it really speaks volumes that I was forced to go to my parents house and my husband still was willing to step into church that morning. We also prayed last night about what to do about the house. And this morning prayed again and read the Bible together. I didn't have to force him to do it either. Everything we read was completely applicable and he kept asking me if I picked the chapters ahead of time. I didn't because we read out of a devotional first which was today's devotional and then read Psalm 18 and Proverbs 18 because today's the 18th. It's just how God works. I'm feeling more hopeful today but again time will tell.

Refiner

What do you mean by "back on track"? You mean abstaining from drinking alcohol? That's not recovery. And I believe in our almighty God, too. But through other people, God also provides us with things like medicine when we're sick. Or recovery programs and coping tools when we're alcoholic.

Kboys

Hi (((((Megsy))))))
Sorry you're going through this. I have a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old.
It is SOOO hard to be the mother that you need to be for your precious ones while dealing with the craziness of an active AH.

I can't count how many times I left with my babies, came back... made him leave, let him come back.... believed this time he was going to stop for real, and then he was back to it the next day... over and over and over.

Many people advised me, gently and not so gently, that I needed to end the relationship for good, but I wasn't able to follow through at that time. I wish I would have.

My AH finally did stop drinking, but... like Refiner said above, abstaining from alcohol is not recovery. My AH is not in recovery. He is often angry, like you said yours is, even without the alcohol... and lots of other things.

I hope your AH will find a way to true recovery.

Take care of YOU and both your babies. Go to Al-anon, call up an old friend, get a pedicure... or whatever makes you feel good.

One day at a time, like you said

dandylion

Meggsy....I can remember dozens of times....no, HUndreds of times.....welll, maybe a few thousand times.........my grandmother reminding me that "God helps those who help themselves".

dandylion

knowthetriggers

I am just being realistic here...but my AH and I have sat in front of many men of the cloth and it never once stopped him from drinking.

He will only stop when he is ready to get help.

Not trying to crush your hope just being real.

I have been where you are, I echo others, Alanon or some sort of support group will help you tremendously.

megsykreeg

I am still being real of course just a bit more hopeful today that it was a one day slip. By going to church and reading the Bible with me I believe it was a really good first step and I got a glimpse of the man I married. He had five years of sobriety before he relapsed last summer so I know he can do it. When he came home from rehab in December though he didn't do anything other than not drink. That's where he went wrong and recognizes that. He is going back to meetings as well. It will still be a tough road at times but I truly believe he can do it.

hopeful4

Megs....I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope he is seeking recovery, that would be great. I would support him on things he is doing for his recovery, but create boundaries for yourself. You need a plan on what you are going to do if he relapses. You also need a plan to take care of yourself and give yourself time to get away from the stress of what comes with all of this.

In other words, hope and pray for the best, but also prepare for the worst. Hopefully you won't ever need to fulfill that plan, but if so, it is there.

You said he is angry even when he does not drink. I hope this is something that you are addressing with him, as that can be more detrimental to you and your children than the actual drinking itself.

Hugs to you. I know it's overwhelming. We just want you to take care of you and your children.