bellerose

So, a couple of days ago it all blew up and I told my dad my mum had been drinking again (she is a recovering alcoholic).
He knew and had been going to support meetings because of it.
My mum promised she would stop and today I found another bottle of wine and it is the fact she has been hiding it even more.
I am 24 and am at university, living at home with my parents and it is so important for me to get a good degree and living at home I feel is jeopardising all of my work.

Should I feel guilty for looking forward to moving away when I graduate just for some peace?

Thank you x

biminiblue

Not only should you not feel guilty, you can look forward to it with happy anticipation

It's not your job to take care of your mum's problem. It's not your dad's job either. Just concentrate on getting the best grades possible and stay out of her way.

Can you stay with a friend, or get your own place now?

thotful

You don't have to feel guilty to want to build your own life. You were going to leave home eventually. And make your own home.

I left when I was 18, the moment I graduated high school, even though the university was in the same town.

I went home for sunday dinners and laundry, but otherwise lived on my own.

I would suggest that your decision is about what you want for yourself, and not what you want for your parents. Follow your heart for where it wants to go.

bellerose

Thank you for your messages.
I wish I could move out now but I live in a very expensive area and it just is not possible, I can't really have a job whilst doing my degree.
Not to mention, my mum does the guilt trip very well, she makes me feel guilty for thinking of leaving in a year.
I guess I just need to stay out of her way and just look forward to the future x

Kialua

I got out of my house so fast when I graduated high school. I hid out in people's basements, stayed with relatives, found strings of roommates and never looked back. You can do this.

NWGRITS

Guilt is a learned behavior. Healthy people don't agonize over things like we do because they didn't spend their lives in dysfunctional homes where guilt was drilled into their heads along with letters and numbers. Al-Anon and therapy really help with learning what is your monkey and what's not, so to speak. Your mother's drinking and your dad's codependency? Not your monkey, not your circus. Eyes on the prize. (The point of growing up is to leave home and have your own life, and your own family. Just FYI. )