TerpGal

RAH stopped going to meetings. He's become more passive aggressive and sarcastic. It's alarming. The relapse happens right before the drinking starts again right? I have approached him about this (the way he asked me to when we did the family program at his rehab). He said he doesn't even think about drinking anymore. I know there's nothing I can do about it. It would just suck if it happened. Things have been going so much better as far as our relationship. I finally decided I don't want to divorce him anymore and him relapsing would be the end of that.

Thumper

I'm sorry. One day at a time. I'll be sending strength and peace for you and some recovery vibes for him - that something clicks and he rights the ship once again.

AnvilheadII

the physical relapse is when that first drink is taken...the mental relapse can happen days, weeks or MONTHS before. his come back about "never even thinks about drinking" is pure malarky. it's probably all he thinks about. and that isn't a slam against him.....it's the way early recovery and the addict brain works.

possibly since you settled back in to the groove so easily, that may have been a SIGN to him that he was in the clear and didn't need to demonstrate ACTIONS and could therefore backoff on meetings. when we don't keep our sobriety directly in front of us, almost like a portal we walk thru each day, we resort to old ways of thinking and old behaviors. the KNOWN in favor of the NEW.

more will be revealed.

FeelingGreat

Terp, so sorry this is happening and hope with all my heart it's a false alarm.

maybear

That's interesting, I've never heard of the mental relapse before the actual physical one.
Makes a lot of sense in my situation too, my gut was telling me it was about to happen. All the old attitudes and ways of dealing with things returned in an instant.

I'm sorry, I hope it isn't the case for you. At least you are very aware and realistic about the situation. I suppose it prepares you somewhat but of course it doesn't make it any easier.

cookiesncream

I understand your concerns and don't mean to dismiss them in the least but... I went through an IOP and afterwards tried many different programs for after care. I tried A.A. and SMART recovery. During that time I likely acted a LOT like your husband. However I did NOT relapse even though I was cranky. Eventually at six months sober I found Women for Sobriety through someone here and "found" my home. I was still cranky but kept not drinking and eventually started giving the process of recovery more than lip service. I'm a heckuva lot less cranky now but I can't say as I truly turned the "recovery" vs sobriety corner until the year mark. I guess my point is that one cannot predict the future. It was "assumed" I would relapse but I didn't. However behaving like others wanted me to took INTERNAL motivation that drinking boundaries could not create. Worry if you will but his current behavior is not necessarily a sign of a relapse, it wasn't for me. Recovery isn't a straightforward path for many. Keep working on yourself, its all you have control over in the end.

Peace

Hopeworks

There is a reason most A's fail to find true peace and happiness when they take a stab at not drinking. The path to a happy sober life has to include authentic recovery and unraveling the source of why they drink alcoholically and finding their own way out of addiction.

No one likes change too much and A's usually despise the accountability and transparency of AA and being mentally and physically thirsty for a drink often dooms them to eventual relapse.

Watching them sliding down the slippery slope in dry drunk land is nerve wracking but they must trudge down the road themselves and figure it out.

Boundaries , boundaries, boundaries! Take care of you.

hopeful4

Hugs Terp XXX