CodeJob

RAH's family is coming into town. Since in the past we would argue over my cleaning freak outs, I carefully limited my cleaning. I got some done each day but didn't overdo it. I promised the guest room and it is well done. I've done some spring cleaning in other areas and I've done some clutter patrol. But right now I'm on SR with a cup of coffee. Tonight I purposely made dinner plans so I would not come home and freak out clean. My in laws are notoriously late in arriving, so I knew it would be unlikely I would miss them and I'd just keep cleaning and getting more worked up. By the time they would show up I'd be tired and in a total Codie melt down.

I'm trying to learn to live with my imperfections. I never enjoy company bc I stress out. My house is not perfectly clean, but It is acceptable. And RAH gets passive aggressive with my cleaning as I get in trouble for either too little or too much. So I work hard to do what amount of cleaning I want to do...

But an interesting thing happened. In fact, it is going on right now. RAH is cleaning and sort of freaking out. Each day closer to arrival of his FOO he is ratcheting up. What we have done is not good enough. He keeps cleaning thing after thing. Yesterday he informed me he bleached and scrubbed our kitchen floor grout. I asked him if he had ever done that task before and he said, 2 years ago. Oh I'm sure it looks great I said, but honestly I knew it was a freak out clean task because his family is coming. He has yelled at me dozens of times in the past about some quirky task I just had to get done before some guest showed up at our house.

Just like me, he wants everything perfect so then he won't be judged.

So last night DS and I were watching a movie and all of a sudden the shop vac goes on in the front room. What a classic passive aggressive move. One I know well. If the martyr cleaner wants help, you disrupt those not cleaning. We can't hear a darn thing so we pause the movie. "Dear, what are you doing?"
My family hates dog hair.
"Hmm I said. Maybe they shouldn't stay here."

DS informed me he'd take a shower but he was not cleaning any more. We Paused the movie and I helped RAH vacuum the steps, hung up some curtains I had washed, wiped the pollen off the dining room table, then went back to the movie when DS was finished with his shower. I tried to acknowledge RAHs issue by helping for 15 minutes, but again there is no winning this battle.

So the movie ended after 10 and we went to get ready for bed. As RAH started listing all the further tasks that he feels needs to be yet accomplished, DS pointed out how he was behaving like I USED TO. "Dad when mom cleans like this when her family is coming you yell at her. You are behaving just like mom."

I was in my closet grinning at the wall. What an observant kid who isn't afraid to speak the truth!

And how amusing that we both react the same way to our respective FOO... Too bad we can't laugh over it together. He doesnt get it at all.

FireSprite

I love that your DS felt comfortable speaking up in such a respectful way. I always tell DD that it's A-ok to speak your mind when you can be right but not self-righteous.

But it's too bad that his comment didn't make RAH stop & examine his actions a bit, it really could have been a great recovery-bonding moment for you guys to be able to relate to something so directly. Your responses were awesome! Simple, direct, non-confrontational.

I hope you enjoy your company & their visit is without drama!

redatlanta

Smart kid! You can come freak out clean my house any day you would like

FeelingGreat

Love your header; nothing further needs to be said. I am not a great housekeeper, but when family and friends are staying I clean like a panicked mad-woman, because I am a panicked mad-woman. At least I get it all done quickly.
This thing about holding your own when someone else is going over-board is hard to do. You tend to get caught up in their mindset.

CodeJob

Well, my plan was pretty successful! My RAH was in a HALT snit when I got home after dinner. He swiped a few comments my way but really I was in a good mood and did not even engage other than suggest he eat.

He was not happy with the cleaning DS did and was redoing some of it.... RAH comes from a family of people who clean behind you because 'you didn't do it right.' One of my SIL's laughingly says, 'So I stopped doing it.' I guess I've mostly gotten to that point too.

And as I suspected, the relatives did not show up in a timely manner. So I went to bed. RAH was not pleased. Oh well. I am a much nicer hostess when I have had some sleep. They arrived close to 11 PM. I was asleep!

Now I am going for a run and get my day rolling!

redatlanta

My husband comes from an OCD cleaning mother it is insane what she does. She won't allow anyone to walk barefoot in her house because of the deposit of oils from the feet and pick up lint from one room and deposited into another. I could go on and on. If she and I are riding in her car she puts a towel down for me to sit on lest a cat hair get embedded in the seat. I love her to death and I pay no attention to it.

RAH when he first moved in seemed to think that he could mold me into this type of cleaning fanatic. HAHAHAHA I am clean but messy. It went on for about a year the pointing out of this and that. Then one day while I was working on the computer he bitch*d that I had spilt some droplets of coffee on the counter. "HONEYYYYYY!!!! you spilled COFFEEEEEE!!". I got up like I was going to wipe it up, grabbed the pot which had about 8 cups in it and poured it all over the kitchen.

We don't argue about it anymore.